Finally: Our Birth Story, Part 4

So, I'm writing this a bit sooner than I thought I'd be able to after my last post, but P is napping the morning away (since she was up all night...oy vey), so I thought I'd try to pound it out before it's time for her to wake and eat again.

When I left you last, I was enjoying the epidural and had just FINALLY progressed from the dreaded 3 cm to a glorious 7 cm in only an hour. Woo-hoo! And I believe that I asked you to guess what happened next, right? I'll tell you what happened, I started feeling more and more pressure down below and felt like I needed to push within just a few minutes of finding out that I was at 7 cm. So when the nurse came back in about 20 minutes later, I asked her to check my cervix again. She didn't even blink...didn't tell me that I was crazy or act like I didn't know what I was talking about...she checked. And her eyes widened when she told me that I was already at 9.5 cm and was almost completely effaced! 2.5 cm more in 20 minutes...6.5 cm in less than an hour and a half!! Surprise!

At this point, I have to tell you that I was still pretty sure that regardless of my dilation, I was still totally thinking a c-section was going to be my method of delivery. Seriously...we were expecting a big baby and I just knew that I couldn't deliver a big baby vaginally, so I wasn't too worried about the whole pushing phase. I did tell Mike to hand me my make-up bag and my contact lens case so that I could make myself a little more presentable and so I wouldn't look like total crap in the birth pictures. Talk about vanity, huh? It really wasn't that big of a deal for me now that I think about it...it was just a way for me to step back and away from the potentially scary situation that I was being faced with, you know? I mean, as happy and excited as I was for P to be coming so soon, I was pretty apprehensive, too, since I was unsure of how things would go for me. You can read about delivery in books and watch it on TV but until you're in that position, you really have NO idea what it's all about. :)

Anywho, it was about 5:15am by now and when I got my next cervical check just a very thin rim remained, so I was allowed to try and push. So we called the family that we had sent home the night before and got down to business. And I must tell you, I wanted to push. I might have thought that a c-section was imminent but my body knew what I was capable of and was ready to go to work. So, I assumed the position...which, by the way, is not as easy as it looks on those baby shows. You're scrunching up something that doesn't really want to be scrunched into a space that there really isn't room to scrunch. I pushed just a few times and thought that I would DIE.

Talk about melodramatic. That was me! It was a lot harder than I thought it would be, even though I was doing it right. And by doing it 'right' I mean this: You totally feel like you're going to poop. Really. If you feel like you're pushing out poop, you're pushing the right way. And in case inquiring minds want to know, NO...I did not poop on the table as I had feared. :) But I did pee on everything because my catheter failed. And I couldn't have cared less if I had done both and then some...it was the very last thing on my mind and it will be the last thing on yours, too, so don't stress about it. :)

So during this trial pushing process, I noticed that my epidural didn't seem to be helping anymore. When I mentioned that to the nurse, she told me that, YES, an epidural can become less effective the longer you labor and can need to be 'topped off' (or increased) in order to have continued pain relief. I was okay with that for a little while...until we got down to the serious pushing. Between the contractions and the pressure and the pain that came with pushing, I felt completely out of control. I was crying and couldn't breathe and was rapidly becoming one of those hot messes that you see on the Di.scov.ery H.eal.th shows...the ones that you want to smack for being so over the top. You know who I'm talking about don't you? I can now attest that my L&D did indeed put me over the top and I was mad at myself for acting so...foolish? But I kept trying...for about 20 more minutes, which doesn't sound like a long time but it was...believe me! Once the L&D nurse (who was AWESOME) looked at me and told me that they were calling the doctor and that contrary to my thought, I was going to deliver my baby and NOT have a c-section, I freaked just a bit...then I asked for my epidural to be topped off.

And that was the second best decision I made that day...only after the decision to have the epidural in the first place. SO, the moral of this story is that if you chose an epidural, stay on top of the pain. If you notice the sharp pain returning, ask immediately for a top off as it can take a while for the anesthesiologist to make his way back to you...and I'm speaking from personal experience there. :)

Once my new drugs were flowing, I got control of myself and started pushing again. Just a few pushes later, they were having me stop pushing to wait for the doctor because P was right there! I could feel the pressure of her crowning but it really wasn't painful...and I would tell you if it were, truly.

So, in rushes the doctor...and I mean, she was rushing! They put my legs in those holding contraptions, had Mike and the L&D nurse grab my legs and told me to push. Two pushes later, I felt her head come out! It was amazing!! I was told to stop pushing so that they could clean her airway...and I did... and one more push and they pulled up, then down to release her shoulders and before I knew it, after only an hour or so of pushing, my baby girl was being laid on my chest and they were calling out her time of birth.

IT WAS ABSOLUTE PERFECTION.

I was crying and snotting and staring in amazement at my miracle...there really are no words to describe what I felt at that moment (or what I'm feeling now as I remember it). You have to experience it for yourself...and will be a changed person once you do. Love doesn't even begin to cover the emotion that I was feeling and still doesn't. :)

They took her to the bassinet, which was just beside my bed, to do her APGAR and check her out and clean her up while the doctor delivered the placenta and stitched me up. Yup. STITCHES. During her delivery, Miss P did a bit of damage on her way out and I had to be repaired in both directions, if you get my drift, because I had Grade 1 tears. Now, I will tell you that I don't know what constitutes a 'Grade 1' tear but it did take quite a few stitches to fix it up...and I was even more grateful for that epidural then. :) But really, I was so busy watching her and listening to all that was being said and done that they could have fully removed my hoohah and I probably wouldn't have noticed it! ;p

All in all it was an amazing experience...surreal, even. Thinking about it now, it almost seems like I was living someone else's life, except that I got the most incredible gift to commemorate the experience.

After all the initial work ups were done, the bed and me and P were cleaned up, my epidural was turned off and the family was notified, I had my baby in my arms and my hubby at my side and life was about as perfect as it could get...

And that's where I'll leave it for now. I'm sure that I didn't write this as eloquently as some or as informatively as others...and I know that it's scattered and that I probably left something out...but it's the best that I could do to describe the miracle that happened to me when there aren't words adequate enough to describe it. And speaking of that miracle, I hear her stirring, so off I go...