First a HUGE (and very belated) congrats to some of my fellow bloggers on the arrivals of their bundles of joy. Jill and her Hubby welcomed their Baby Girl recently and Little Dude, Liam, has graced Kari and Brent with his presence. Kate and her hubby, C, are very new parents to 2 new little farm hands out there in the wilds of Montana...at least I think so. At last post, they were headed to the hospital and we were awaiting news of the boys arrival. So, congrats, my dear friends!! I know that you've waited a long time and have certainly paid your dues. Enjoy every minute you're having as new parents and cherish each little thing. Those early days are priceless!
Some of the rest of you are getting so, so, so close to delivery! You're in for the ride of your lives and I'm thinking of you all each day, even if I don't always have time to let you know. :)
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So, Miss Preslie will be 8 weeks old tomorrow!! It doesn't seem like that much time should have passed, yet it has. She is the most incredible thing that has ever, ever happened to me. We are learning more and more about each other daily and she is a constant joy to me.
She is also constant work. LOL. :D
I am also learning that the older she gets, the less I get done in the day. She is still setting her own schedule as far as nursing goes and we try to work around that. Sometimes that goes well, other times...not so much. Since she started staying awake more and napping less, I have rarely completed one chore or errand without stopping for her...and that's okay. What else am I here for? ;p Seriously, it has made for a very messy house, little clean laundry (and fishing out of laundry baskets for what is clean), lots of fast food and convenience meals, infrequent and interrupted showers (complete with only one leg shaved and not all the shampoo rinsed from my hair)...but my baby is happy, so all of that will work itself out, right?
Well, I must admit, it is terribly hard for a semi-OCD'er like me to let the house go to pot and know that there is so much that needs to be done and so little time to do it. It seriously stresses me out. I'm working on dealing with it because I know ( I KNOW!!) that P and her needs are much more important and that there is just not enough of me to go around. Somedays I do good with letting go...somedays I don't. But we are surviving.
One of our biggest struggles right now is breastfeeding. I will tell you: I didn't realize how much I wanted to BF til I started doing it and it kills me to think that I'm not being very successful at the one thing that I (now) feel passionately about. Don't get me wrong, P is a champion eater...but that is some of our issue. She eats ALL THE TIME. And I swear that I'm not exaggerating. She nurses every 2 hours, day or night, for about an hour at each nursing session, sometimes lazily, sometimes aggressively but nursing all the same. Sometimes she's awake for the hour or so after eating, sometimes she naps, but when that 2 hour mark arrives, look out! She wails like someone is killing her til she gets the goods...even if we're in the car, the store...if she is absolutely sound asleep...she has that inner dinner bell that rings right on schedule. The doc and LC seems to think that by now my supply should be good and she should be nursing more efficiently for less time while staying satisfied longer. Not P...she's still doing it her way. She also pulls marathon nursing sessions almost every night where she will nurse off and on for HOURS. Yes, hours. My poor nipples are about to fall off. :)
We've tried Mother's Milk tea and pumping after feeds to increase my supply...and it worked some but not that much. We've recently moved on to taking whole herb Fenugreek in large doses to try and turn the hoses on full force in hopes that she will get more at each feeding without having to work so long or hard for it. My prayer is that it works because I NEED her to be a happy, satisfied baby just as much as she needs to be one.
She is sometimes fussy at the breast (but even fussier when removed), which concerns me. She is still super, super gassy regardless of what I eat and I'm not really sure how much her reflux meds are working. I'm considering some prescription drugs to increase my milk supply if the herbs don't work but that worries me, too. I'm not too much on medication, even necessary stuff, so where does that fit in? I'm trying to feed my baby the most natural way possible but what if I can only do that with the intervention of a chemical aid?
Parenting makes me a bit of a neurotic basketcase who second (and third and fourth) guesses everything I do. :)
I also have a painful ulceration on my left nipple that is a byproduct of one of our very early nursing sessions when she didn't latch on correctly. It started out as a small crack and has morphed from there. It wouldn't be a big deal except that because of where it is located, the suction of her nursing reopens it each time she eats and there is no time for it to heal. It HURTS (except when she is nursing...go figure!) and makes me want to give up nursing on a daily basis. I've had it examined by my OB, the LC and the dermatologist and there is nothing to be done except try nipple shields (we are...quite unsuccessfully) or stop nursing...or just live with it. So we are just living with it...but I will fully admit, it adds to my BFing stress. As does never getting to sleep or hardly ever getting to leave the house...but that's a story for another day!
All in all, though, Pres is gaining weight well, just under an ounce per day, so for now, what we are doing is working, even if it does hurt like a witch and take forever. And I know that I am putting more stress on myself than anyone else is but I really, really, really don't want to give up BFing. I don't want to supplement with formula unless it's absolutely necessary. But who draws the line? Am I being selfish? Unreasonable? Harmful to Preslie? When will I know what is 'right'?
Being faced with all this uncertainly makes me feel woefully inadequate as a mother.
But as I said before, we are surviving! I know that I've overcome far more than a nursing issue to get where we are today and we'll figure this out, too. Thanks for listening to me vent! :) Feel free to give me your input on the BFing issue...I would love to know what you think.
I hear my girl starting to fuss, so I'm outta here! Guess I had time to write plenty, huh!? :)
5 comments:
((BIG HUGS)) to you and Miss P. I am sorry you're going through stuff with BFing too. Ugh you always hear it can be difficult, but usually what others find to be difficult I am not too fazed by. Nursing is truly a challenge I wasn't prepared for. Despite extensive reading, seeing a LC before birth, and taking classes this is kicking my behind. I'm sorry Miss P is a marathon nurser and you just feel like you can't keep up. Liam is just fussy on the breast all the time, when there's no syringe supplementation. I'm sure it's because he's getting nothing, hence the formula supplementation. It was hard for me because I really wanted to be successful, but like Jill in the end I want Little Dude happy and when I'm miserable I know he feels it too. That's why if tomorrow our best option is formula I'm at peace with it. Good luck with the Fenugreek!! I hope it helps!! I know what you mean about RX meds. I didn't want to take them during pregnancy and nursing to me is really no different. I hardly think it's selfish that you want this to work. I think I'm much more selfish because I can't stand to see him so upset that I'm willing to give him formula. You're far from failing, you've gone further that I plan to and that speaks volumes for your commitment to Miss P!! Again good luck and ((BIG HUGS)) from Little Dude and I to you and Miss P!!
You guys have a great Bf relationship and if there is any way you can keep it going, I hope you do.
You have the perfect attitude about her needs vs your wants and I know that's hard to keep up when you're sitting in filth:) Give her a few more weeks and she'll start giving you some time. She is still so needy right now.
As for the laceration, I just want to encourage you to push through it. Keep your bra off of it as much asa possible when P isn't on it, don't use soap on the nipples or let shampoo run down on them, and keep Lansinoh on it constantly. It won't hurt P to get some in her mouth so don't worry about wiping it off before she nurses.
I know she is nursing a LOT but I am willing to bet you are supplying what she needs. The pumping after a feeding sounds funny to me but I am not a LC:) my rationale is that it's putting more stress on your poor nipple right now. Try to really ramp up your fluid intake, even if it's gatorade or juice or something. You need fluids to make milk.
You are doing supremely well! You have your priorities straight and in a month she will not be a newborn anymore and not nursing at such marathon lengths. Is the falling asleep during the hour long nursings? Maggie used to do that and I got to where I had to pull her off and let her sleep in tha tposition for a bit since she was not really nursing strong, just sleepily.
Perhaps try slinging her when you would normally sit down to nurse her for a comfort nursing? Or swaddling? It will give your boobs a break and then she might really nurse efficiently when she does nurse again.
I am so glad Preslie is doing well but I am so sorry about your BFing troubles. I know it was such a horrible time for me when I was struggling and making the decision to stop, even though I feel it was right, was hard and heartbreaking.
As far as the Rx meds, just be aware that I read they increase your chance of developing post-partum depression(at La Leche League website - I have a link to the article on my blog). But it may work well for you and make all the difference. Only you can decide that. Just make sure you are taking care of yourself and are aware of that possibility.
Preslie has already gotten so much of your milk and has probably benefitted from that. If it were me (and this is totally just my opinion!) I would probably try supplementing a little. It might help satisfy her more so you can get some more sleep. She would still be getting your milk and anything she can get is great. But taking care of you is important too, especially if you are BFing.
Whatever you decide, don't beat yourself up or feel guilty. You have already given her so much! Preslie is a lucky little girl!
Oh, and thanks for the congrats too!
I am hoping and praying that the nursing gets easier for you. You are doing the absolute best you can, and have nothing to feel inadequate about!
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