The Beginning of the End

I knew this time would come. There have been times that I begged for it to happen and others that I did all that I could to keep it at bay, but I knew that one day, our number would be up.

Preslie didn't nurse this morning when she woke up. Didn't even ask to...for the first time EVER. And tonight, when it was offered during our regular bedtime routine, she sat down with me, started to latch, then decided to get down and went and got into Mike's lap to read books instead...and never looked back. Other than a quick little 5 minute check-in before nap this afternoon, she hasn't nursed all day. This is a huge deal for my little mamita...she loves her 'nurses'.

Apparently, the time has come to wean. It makes me sad...just a little.

I don't think that I've ever fully discussed in this forum what a struggle and a joy that breastfeeding has been for us. I know that you know that we chose to nurse...and I posted a few times when Preslie was younger about supply problems and such but I never had the time or energy to really put it all down on paper, so to speak, when I was in the midst of the worst of our issues.

It's probably a moot point now, but the highlights range from Preslie nursing literally every 2 hours for an hour at a time for 6 MONTHS...

To taking Fenugreek, Alfalfa, Blessed Thistle, drinking Mother's Milk tea and every other herb known to man that will help milk supply, even as far as taking domperidone (a prescription med) that I had to order in from freakin' THAILAND because it isn't available in the US...

To crying over having to supplement with formula for 3 months when all that I had done all I could do and it still wasn't enough.

Round all that out with Pres getting into the habit of nursing to sleep, to the point that she wouldn't...COULDN'T...go to sleep without nursing, waking every few hours every.single.night. until she was almost 16 months old to nurse, even for just a few minutes and refusing to let anyone else hold her or comfort her at all.

Sounds rough, right? I can't lie...I had some bad, bad, BAD days...and weeks...and months. Everything I did had to be scheduled around nursing from eating to (not!!) sleeping to shopping to appointments and there were times that I thought, "Gosh! I can't wait 'til this child weans!!".

Well, now it looks like that time has come and I will admit that I shed a tear or two tonight. Even though things were a challenge for us, I can't begin to tell you how very, very special our nursing relationship is to me...and how precious a gift it's been for both of us. I learned a lot, especially about myself, during those hardships and they bonded us like nothing else could have. Though we had those seriously hard times, I don't regret it at all and I know that even if part of me is okay with this time ending, the biggest part of me isn't really ready for it to be over.

Guess my big girl has other ideas, though. I don't think it will end overnight (gosh, I hope not!) but after almost 18 months, it seems our time has come. So, here's to the next chapter in my sweet pea's childhood and the beginning of the end of breastfeeding my baby. If you think about it, say a little prayer for us. This isn't as easy for this Mama as I thought it might be...