No, I'm sooooo not pregnant. Just getting that out of the way. ;)
My miracle is really someone else's miracle...I just have the pleasure and joy of sharing in it. My family got the most AMAZING news yesterday. Are you ready for this?
MY PAPAW DOES NOT HAVE CANCER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D
Yes, you read that correctly. According to the doctors, there was a mistake somewhere along the path (which should make me furious for all the grief it's caused but I just can't think about that right now...I'm too happy right now to care!) and after another opinion , further testing and a biopsy, the growing spots on his lungs are in fact, not cancer at all. They're abscesses from pneumonia that he had ages ago and thought was completely gone. While that's not particularly great, it's absolutely curable and totally survivable!
So now, instead of spending the next 6 weeks worrying and grieving and trying to capture every minute, he'll have some trips to get IV antibiotics (as well as the oral type), will go about everyday life...and we'll still try to capture every moment. No more taking anything for granted! :)
The doctors can say what they will...and I know that mistakes do happen...but I believe with all my heart that God heard our cries and the prayers of so many faithful friends (like you!) and answered us with our own kind of miracle. Thank you, Lord!
It's a Merry, Merry Christmas indeed, friends...a Merry, Merry Christmas!
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
Saturday, December 17, 2011
Yawn...
Or maybe this post could be called "I'm So Tired That I Can't Even Come Up With a Title...Much Less A Catchy One". Or something like that.
First, thanks so much to all of you for your kind words, encouragement and prayers for my Papaw. I was so, so, so down when I wrote that post and your comments were a little bit like gold to me...they really helped me. I guess, even though it wasn't intended to be, getting it all out was a bit cathartic and made me feel like I wasn't carrying around the whole weight of the world on my shoulders.
Truly, I'm feeling a little better about it all now...at least I'm not crying every day. Okay, I'm still crying every day but at least not all day. Since my last post, he has decided to have some other tests done and is considering some aggressive treatment which he wouldn't even speak of before, so I guess it's a process for us all. It does encourage me that he seems to want to explore his options and fight this instead of just giving up like it seemed he would. Please continue to pray for him...he still surely needs it!
Things really have been going quite well otherwise...which is probably why I'm so stinking tired. We have been going and doing every.single.day.this.week. It's been good...there have been gifts to buy and folks to visit and parties to attend. We've planned and visited and wrapped and baked. We've been out and about so much that Preslie has started asking me when we get up each morning, "Go bye-bye? Go shop?". Seriously, she's ruined already!
I've tried every night this week to get to bed early but it just hasn't happened...and obviously isn't tonight either. Preslie's sleep has been pretty junky, too, with all the excitement...and the imminent arrival of 2 bottom molars. Of course, that doesn't stop her from wanting to get up at the crack of dawn each day and go non-stop til bedtime at night...sooooo, this mama is tired. Really, really tired. My weight and crappy hormones aren't helping matters either, but that's a post for another day...or night. ;)
I'm headed off to bed now but just wanted to make sure that you knew how much I appreciate each of you and how much your comments meant to me. We are treasuring each day and in spite of it all...or maybe to spite it...we're actually starting to enjoy the holiday season, much more than I thought we could this year...late nights and all. Hope you are, too.
Yawn. Goodnight!
First, thanks so much to all of you for your kind words, encouragement and prayers for my Papaw. I was so, so, so down when I wrote that post and your comments were a little bit like gold to me...they really helped me. I guess, even though it wasn't intended to be, getting it all out was a bit cathartic and made me feel like I wasn't carrying around the whole weight of the world on my shoulders.
Truly, I'm feeling a little better about it all now...at least I'm not crying every day. Okay, I'm still crying every day but at least not all day. Since my last post, he has decided to have some other tests done and is considering some aggressive treatment which he wouldn't even speak of before, so I guess it's a process for us all. It does encourage me that he seems to want to explore his options and fight this instead of just giving up like it seemed he would. Please continue to pray for him...he still surely needs it!
Things really have been going quite well otherwise...which is probably why I'm so stinking tired. We have been going and doing every.single.day.this.week. It's been good...there have been gifts to buy and folks to visit and parties to attend. We've planned and visited and wrapped and baked. We've been out and about so much that Preslie has started asking me when we get up each morning, "Go bye-bye? Go shop?". Seriously, she's ruined already!
I've tried every night this week to get to bed early but it just hasn't happened...and obviously isn't tonight either. Preslie's sleep has been pretty junky, too, with all the excitement...and the imminent arrival of 2 bottom molars. Of course, that doesn't stop her from wanting to get up at the crack of dawn each day and go non-stop til bedtime at night...sooooo, this mama is tired. Really, really tired. My weight and crappy hormones aren't helping matters either, but that's a post for another day...or night. ;)
I'm headed off to bed now but just wanted to make sure that you knew how much I appreciate each of you and how much your comments meant to me. We are treasuring each day and in spite of it all...or maybe to spite it...we're actually starting to enjoy the holiday season, much more than I thought we could this year...late nights and all. Hope you are, too.
Yawn. Goodnight!
Sunday, December 11, 2011
Crushed
Have you ever felt like things were just coming apart at the seams and there was nothing that you could do about it? Like the weight that's put on your shoulders is too much to bear? I feel that way right now, and right here at Christmas, no less.
I found out this week that my Papaw has cancer. It's fast growing and most likely terminal.
I've been trying to write this post since Wednesday in hopes that it will help clear my heart and head but mostly I've just sat at the computer and cried. Honestly, I've sat just about every where and cried. I wish you knew my Papaw. He's kind of got that 'gruff old man' exterior but he loves me and mine like no other ever has. He's been the most constant, loving, present man in my life for, well, my whole life. Closer than my dad or my other grandpas. Most every memory I have has him in it, even from the earliest ones. And it is crushing me right now to think that we don't have many more memories to make together.
I know that sounds so dramatic...and you know me, I don't mind the drama...but in this case it's true. It is dramatic to think that someone that I love and admire so much could be gone so much sooner than I ever thought. Part of me is grieving for him...what he must be thinking about and going through...the fear and pain, both physical and emotional. Part of me is grieving for his wife, my Mamaw...how worried and scared she must be...knowing that she'll soon be facing the unknown alone. Part of me is grieving for me...I just can't imagine him not being here every time I drop by or pick up the phone...knowing that he's got to face this ugly disease and there is absolutely nothing that I can do change it for him.
I think mostly, though, I'm grieving for Preslie. I wish I could explain to you how much she loves her Papaw. She talks about him all the time and we visit him at least once a week. He 'sneaks' her candy and I pretend not to see. They watch cartoons together. They play babies and run races and rock in his big recliner. They swing in the porch swing and eat popsicles and drink sweet tea that I also pretend not to know about. They play with his cats and read the paper and give high fives and laugh together and share secret smiles...all the things a kid and her great-grandpa should do. They love each other SO much and it is just tearing my heart apart to know that she'll never even remember just how much. Even though she has no idea what's going on now or what's to come, it's hurting me for her already.
I know that without a miracle, this will likely be our last Christmas together. That thought alone is enough to make me weep, never mind all that will go on between now and that terrible time. I'm trying hard, though, to enjoy all of the Advent festivities because I know that's what he wants me to do...and what I should do. I'm trying to be the fun, attentive mama that my baby girl needs and deserves right now. We're doing all of the 'extras' that come with the holiday season and we're trying to keep up all the traditions that we've celebrated in the past. We've visited Santa and decorated the tree and baked Christmas cookies and candies. We've shopped and wrapped and given gifts. We've sang 'Jingle Bells' about a million times. We've had pictures made and sent out Christmas cards. We're going to parties and gatherings and are trying to act like every thing's okay. I have to tell you, though...my heart just isn't in it. My heart is in shreds and I don't feel the joy of the season right now at all.
I know all the cliched sayings..."He's lived a good life" and "He'll be in a better place" and all that. I know "he wouldn't want you to feel this way" and that I should "make the most of the time we have left". Intellectually, I know all those things but they're no comfort right now. Right now, I want to go back to the beginning of the week and start over again. I want to cry and scream and throw a fit until things go back to the way that they used to be and the man I've loved the most and the longest isn't counting down the days of his life. I want for my Papaw not to have stinking, rotten, filthy cancer. That's what I want for Christmas, as illogical and selfish and childish as it may be. How am I supposed to celebrate the season and have the peace and joy that it should bring knowing what he's facing? I just can't seem to do it. I'm crushed.
I found out this week that my Papaw has cancer. It's fast growing and most likely terminal.
I've been trying to write this post since Wednesday in hopes that it will help clear my heart and head but mostly I've just sat at the computer and cried. Honestly, I've sat just about every where and cried. I wish you knew my Papaw. He's kind of got that 'gruff old man' exterior but he loves me and mine like no other ever has. He's been the most constant, loving, present man in my life for, well, my whole life. Closer than my dad or my other grandpas. Most every memory I have has him in it, even from the earliest ones. And it is crushing me right now to think that we don't have many more memories to make together.
I know that sounds so dramatic...and you know me, I don't mind the drama...but in this case it's true. It is dramatic to think that someone that I love and admire so much could be gone so much sooner than I ever thought. Part of me is grieving for him...what he must be thinking about and going through...the fear and pain, both physical and emotional. Part of me is grieving for his wife, my Mamaw...how worried and scared she must be...knowing that she'll soon be facing the unknown alone. Part of me is grieving for me...I just can't imagine him not being here every time I drop by or pick up the phone...knowing that he's got to face this ugly disease and there is absolutely nothing that I can do change it for him.
I think mostly, though, I'm grieving for Preslie. I wish I could explain to you how much she loves her Papaw. She talks about him all the time and we visit him at least once a week. He 'sneaks' her candy and I pretend not to see. They watch cartoons together. They play babies and run races and rock in his big recliner. They swing in the porch swing and eat popsicles and drink sweet tea that I also pretend not to know about. They play with his cats and read the paper and give high fives and laugh together and share secret smiles...all the things a kid and her great-grandpa should do. They love each other SO much and it is just tearing my heart apart to know that she'll never even remember just how much. Even though she has no idea what's going on now or what's to come, it's hurting me for her already.
I know that without a miracle, this will likely be our last Christmas together. That thought alone is enough to make me weep, never mind all that will go on between now and that terrible time. I'm trying hard, though, to enjoy all of the Advent festivities because I know that's what he wants me to do...and what I should do. I'm trying to be the fun, attentive mama that my baby girl needs and deserves right now. We're doing all of the 'extras' that come with the holiday season and we're trying to keep up all the traditions that we've celebrated in the past. We've visited Santa and decorated the tree and baked Christmas cookies and candies. We've shopped and wrapped and given gifts. We've sang 'Jingle Bells' about a million times. We've had pictures made and sent out Christmas cards. We're going to parties and gatherings and are trying to act like every thing's okay. I have to tell you, though...my heart just isn't in it. My heart is in shreds and I don't feel the joy of the season right now at all.
I know all the cliched sayings..."He's lived a good life" and "He'll be in a better place" and all that. I know "he wouldn't want you to feel this way" and that I should "make the most of the time we have left". Intellectually, I know all those things but they're no comfort right now. Right now, I want to go back to the beginning of the week and start over again. I want to cry and scream and throw a fit until things go back to the way that they used to be and the man I've loved the most and the longest isn't counting down the days of his life. I want for my Papaw not to have stinking, rotten, filthy cancer. That's what I want for Christmas, as illogical and selfish and childish as it may be. How am I supposed to celebrate the season and have the peace and joy that it should bring knowing what he's facing? I just can't seem to do it. I'm crushed.
Cancer, my friends, sucks. There are no words strong enough to tell you how much I hate it.
Friday, December 2, 2011
I'd Like To Thank The Academy...
Yeah, right! :)
Believe it or not, me and my little corner of the blogosphere have been given an award...The Liebster Blog Award.
Believe it or not, me and my little corner of the blogosphere have been given an award...The Liebster Blog Award.
The Liebster Award spotlights up and coming bloggers with fewer than 200 followers. Liebster is a German word which means "dearest" or "beloved." It is also used to refer to as some one's "favorite" and the idea of the Liebster Blog Award is to bring attention to blogs which, in addition to having less than 200 followers, are also some of your favorite reads that you think are deserving of more recognition and encouragement. So, this award is to share with those blogs that you love to love... you know... the ones that you can't wait to see a new post from because some how, some way, the blogger seems to always put words to things in a way that touch you deeply...or make you laugh hysterically...or realize that you're not alone in whatever you're going through, be it good, bad or otherwise. There are certain rules that are to be followed:
- Thank the giver and link back to the blogger who gave it to you.
- Reveal your top five picks and let them know by leaving a comment on their blog.
- Copy and paste the award on your blog.
- Hope that the people you've sent the award to forward it to their five favorite bloggers and keep it going!
If the truth be told, I actually got this sweet award from TWO bloggy friends within a couple of days of each other. Brenda tagged me first. I personally think she's a saint among mothers and is one of my dearest real-life mama friends, one who's talked me down off of the proverbial 'edge' a time or two. ;) We've known each other since elementary school (if you can believe that!) and I count myself blessed to call her a friend. She does a great job blogging about her sweet kiddos, her daily life, her struggles with IF and her faith. I tell her that I want to be like her when I grow up. :)
Then, just today before I got around to posting, Kate sent the award my way. She is a career woman who's also a farm wife to her hubby and great mama to two handsome little men...and about 300 or so cows. ;) She's also an IF success story and I love hearing about her boys, their family and all the cool adventures that they all get to have out there on the range. She seems like the kind of lady that I could sit down and have a cup of coffee with and enjoy a conversation while our kids destroyed everything in their paths. :D
So first, THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU!! I don't know that my little family blog is worthy of an award but it is so sweet of you both. I actually love reading both of these lovely ladies posts so much that I would have liked to send a Liebster to them. :) Instead, I'll send it on to these lovely ladies in hopes that they'll enjoy the encouragement, compliments and recognition as much as I have.
Morgan is a sweet lady that I went to school with and reconnected with via Fa.ceb.ook a while back. She's unfortunately been dealt the same crappy hand of hormones that as I have, so she and her hubby have recently thrown their hat into the adoption ring. I'm excited to see what come next for them! Won't you stop by and visit her and lend her some prayers and encouragement for her journey?
Nikki is one of the first blog buddies that I made when I stepped into this little bloggy community. She is a great encourager! She, too, has battled IF and after 10 long years, she and her hubby are expecting their miracle, baby Emerson, in the spring. I think Nikki has such a sweet soul and is going to be an excellent mama. I couldn't be happier for her (and wish that I was close enough to spoil that sweet baby)!
Kari is a lovely bloggy friend from the East Coast area. Also in the IF boat with many of us, she's was blessed with her son a few months after Preslie was born and is having a blast raising her boy, 'Little Dude'. She writes with honesty, candor and humor and I love seeing new posts from her in my reader. She, too, is an encourager and a mama-friend that I'd just love to meet face to face.
Shannon is my sweet cousin...and I love, love, love reading her posts. Now, before you accuse me of being biased (go ahead, I am! ;p), she DOES have some of the sweetest, kindest, most gorgeous kids around...but her words are ones that always speak to me. I started reading her blog to keep up with their family life (they live several hours away from us) but intertwined with her posts on daily life are words of faith, love and compassion...and almost always a challenge that makes me think, pray and strive to be more than I am in myself. She and her family are absolutely Christ-centered and I love to hear how the Lord is working in their lives via her posts. I know if you stop by and visit, you'll be incredibly blessed by her just as I am.
Jill is another of my favorite reads. This mama, another met through the IF circles, blogs about life with her Baby Girl but not just that. It seems like she's faced with lots of challenges (all the time...bless her heart!) but she handles them so gracefully, much more so than I could, I'm afraid. She's real and straight-forward but she always seems to look on the bright side and I love that about her. You will, too!
I should tell you, I've agonized a bit over who to pick for this lovely little bit of admiration as there are just so many folks I know that could and should get this recognition...choices, choices, choices! There are some GREAT reads just over there to the right...pick just about any of them and you'll enjoy what you find. Thanks, again, my bloggy friends for reading me and recognizing me...and for supporting and encouraging those that I enjoy, too. God Bless!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)