In Due Time

Thanks for the Help!

2012-01-24T07:31:00.003-06:00

Just a quick note about all the commenting trouble that's been going on lately. The lovely, sweet Mrs. G gave us the heads up about the problem and how to do a temporary fix in her most recent post. If you're still using the old interface ( I am...I tried the new one and just didn't care for it), go to 'Settings', then click on the 'Comments' tab. Once you scroll down the page, you'll see options for "Comment Form Placement". If I understand her instructions, all you should have to do is choose "Pop Up Window" or "Full Page" instead of "Embedded into Post"...I think. If you're using the new interface, I'd imagine that it works pretty much the same, but don't quote me on it. :)

I changed mine just now, so drop me a line, will ya, to let me know if it worked??

Thanks, Friends...and thanks to you, Mrs. G...your help is, as always, appreciated! Have a good day!

Busy Weekend!

2012-01-22T15:08:00.003-06:00

Howdy, Blog Buddies! Just stopping by for a minute during nap time to see how everyone is doing. I've been reading the past several days but am having trouble commenting (AGAIN! Really Blogger?? What's up?!). By reading your posts, I know that I'm not the only one who's having trouble either. Hope you know that even if I haven't been able to comment that you've been on my mind. :)

We've been a busy bunch of folks around here this weekend! I had my new little charge, Sweet A, all day Friday and the in-laws came by for a while. Some of Mike's family is visiting from out of town for the week...they're not heading back South til next Saturday. One of his cousins on the other side got married so there was lots of wedding revelry, visiting and fun, too! There was an unexpected visit from some friends...and a good bit of hasty house cleaning in between folks coming in and out of what seems like to be a revolving door at our house. Phew!!

It's been busy but fun...and a little tiring. :) We don't see much of Mike's extended family (and that's an understatement...after 7 years of being together, this is only the 3rd time we've seen them), so it's been nice getting to know them and hearing about my hubby when he was younger. It'll be fun to have them around all week, although I'm sure I'll be happy to have my quiet little house back by next weekend. Maybe it won't be too bad, though, since they're going to do some other visiting during week, too. We'll see. If I'm a little nutty by week's end, you'll know why! ;p

Anywho, I'm going to run. It's time for my sleeping beauty to be waking up and as always, there's laundry to tackle and housework to tame. Hope you're all having a good weekend, too. Til next time!

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PS...Thanks to those who've commented on and e-mailed me about my last post. I guess it is what it is and in time, it will all work itself out. I appreciate your encouragement and kind words...I'm so glad you're out there in the Blogosphere for me. :) God Bless!

Have You Ever Been On The Defense??

2012-01-20T06:59:00.007-06:00

I kind of feel that way today and I really don't want to be. Have you ever had to defend yourself or something that you did/said to someone who might not necessarily understand where you're coming from? I think I'm finding myself in that situation just now.

It seems that some people who are dear to me have discovered my little corner of the blogosphere and while I feel confident that they love me (or I certainly hope so! ;p), they don't exactly love what I've written. Not to put words in their mouth but I think they think that what I write is too personal or is about them in cases that it's not. I'm absolutely not for confrontation thus, I hate to be confronted but I was...so here I am.

I debated about whether to discuss this particular matter in this forum because I don't want to add fuel to any fire...but the fact remains that this my blog...my place to write out the things in my life or mind or heart that I don't have any other outlet for. It's my space to chronicle whatever I need to and I've never censored myself here and even though some might not care for it, I don't intended to. And since this issue has arisen and is taking up residence in both my mind and heart, I've decided to blog it out a bit. Maybe you could tell me if you've ever been in the same situation.

Basically, it comes down to a misunderstanding, I think. Something that was intended as a general post was taken personally and feelings were hurt. I think most of you bloggy buddies can attest to who I am online...I don't purposely post inflammatory things or try to stir things up. I don't intentionally exclude anyone and try to be careful of stepping on toes. Not to say that I'm a saint...cause we all know that I'm not! ;)...but I don't want to use my blog as weapon of words and don't think that I ever have.

I have written about my family, both close and estranged...they're obviously part of my life. I have written about problems. I have written about hurt feelings. I have written about tough choices and bad stuff and angry words. I've asked for prayers. I've asked for advice. I've shared thoughts...and dreams...and pictures. I've written in anger...in joy...in tears, and I know that is often reflected in the tone of my posts. I've made mistakes or have been misinformed and maybe there are things that I shouldn't have written about...or should have written differently...or should have waited til I was less upset (or whatever) to write. But like I said before, this is MY blog. For 4 years now, I've shared some of who I am with some great friends who have walked in my shoes, women that I've found through ALI/LFCA, ICLW, IF message boards...and some local folks, too. And I've gotten a wealth of love, support, encouragement and guidance in return. I know that I've written about a plethora of things...some of importance, some of no consequence...but they've all be part of who I am and my life at that time. Although some of the things I've written in the past don't apply anymore, I can read over old posts and see how much things have changed for me...for my family, my friends, my blog buddies...over time. It's amazing to me how much change takes place over time and I like that I've recorded it for posterity...even the bad or hurtful or upsetting things...so that I can look back and see how relationships have been mended, hurts have been healed and sorrow has been turned to joy. This blog has kind of been like my sanctuary, especially when I was going through the very worst times in our lives, and I hope it can remain that way. Do any of you feel that way about your blog? What is it to you?

So to my readers both old and new alike, (Yes, I know that you've stopped by...what you've read...when you've read it. That's just the way the Internet works.), I extend a welcome. I'm sure my regular blog readers would do the same. We're typically a nice bunch of women who exchange stories and pics and advice about our families, kids and issues. I hope that if you choose to continue reading my journal, you'll read it in the spirit that it's written...as my personal journal that's shared with people who care about me and mine and my place to chronicle my life, the good, bad and ugly. We don't always agree, we don't always see eye to eye but at the end of the day...or the posts ;)...we're all still friends are respect what each other has to say and what they share of their lives. If you're uncomfortable reading about some of the things that I write, then I'll simply say this: Don't read it. This isn't a place for arguing or hard words or strife. Like I said before, it's my sanctuary...my quiet place where I can pour out whatever I need to. I hope that if you have a place that is quiet and sacred to you, too, and that it stays that way for you, too.

So, Blog Buddies, have you ever had to defend your blog or what you write there? How did things go for you? Any words of wisdom for this blogger?

I'm So OVER Being Overwhelmed

2012-01-16T20:59:00.003-06:00

Some days I really think that I should be medicated to keep me from going over the edge. This has totally been one of those days...err, weeks. And it's only Monday.

Everyone around here is still sick in some form or another. Mike went to the doctor today and found out that he has bronchitis and has pulled some muscles in his back from all the lung-wretching coughs. He is hacking and limping around like a 90 year old man. Preslie still has the same snotty nose and cough that she's had for a month. Yep, you read that right...A MONTH. She's not running fever and is eating and drinking well but this is ridiculous. She is one big ball of irritability these days and we are headed to the doctor in the morning to see if there is something else going on or if she's just going to be a whining, dripping snot bucket for the rest of the winter. My mom has the cough/cold/whatever-the-crap-this-stuff-is, too, just not quite as badly as Mike and PJ. And me, I'm pretty much snot-free but (TMI here) I can NOT stay out of the bathroom and am dragging-butt tired due to the Metformin and taking care of all my peeps.

What else? My mom had a car accident a few days ago. She's fine...her car really isn't...but it scared the life out of me. There's some family drama on the other side, too, that I don't have time to go into but is throwing a monkey wrench into my plans as well. Add in that I started babysitting my friend's 3 month old last week (who, as it turns out is great...and who Preslie is incredibly jealous of. More on that later.) on top of everything and you might see why I feel a wee bit overwhelmed and need to be medicated, too. We're just one big ol' pile of awesomeness around here. (Can you feel the sarcasm?)

I've been cleaning like a mad woman, too, trying to keep from reinfecting ourselves with whatever it is we have (and to keep the poor 3 month old from getting our funk). I have disinfected every surface in this house and in the cars, have done loads upon loads of laundry (including soft toys) and have run all the hard toys through the dishwasher but honestly, it doesn't seem to be making any difference...other than making me more tired. ;) Fingers crossed that all these doctor visits will break the hold of this nasty bug (while not breaking the bank with prescriptions, thank you very much).

To add to the overwhelming-ness of it all, we're thinking of putting an offer in on a house that's for sale near our current neighborhood. It has everything that our house does now and is about 500 square feet larger than what we currently lease, has another bedroom and a sun room and is on a quiet street. It needs some serious elbow grease and updating but the bones are really good and it's priced waaaaaaaaay under market value because the owners are in the hole. Like $50K UNDER appraisal. The only catch is that it's a short sale. Blech. That means that it could take quite a while to find out if we even have a chance at it. That's right, Kelli...add housing limbo to your already full plate and see how overwhelmed you are. Duh. Seriously, it would be great for us, so add that to your prayer list, would ya?

I know it sounds like we're going under for the last time around here but I really do think we're going to make it. ;) I AM super-duper overwhelmed sometimes but am trying to remember to take it one (whining, fussing, booger-blowing) day at a time. What do you do when you're feeling overwhelmed?? Take Prozac??? ;)

Hey There 2012!

2012-01-03T21:59:00.003-06:00

Hey there! We're still alive and kicking (kind of) in my corner of the world. We've done some serious celebrating over the past few weeks with Christmas and New Years and my sister's birthday, too. We had some incredible times and made some precious memories. Lots of fun has come and gone and I'm so, so, so grateful for all that the season brought us.

We've also been snotty and boogery and all-over-sickly since the week BEFORE Christmas. It seems that we've passed the same head cold around a few times each and even had a bout with a stomach bug in there, too. This, I'm not so grateful for. Fingers crossed that we're on the road to recovery soon.

I've got about a million pictures that I need to edit and upload from all the holiday gatherings. I also have about that many thoughts going through my head right now that I really need to get out. I don't really have time just now to write it all out or think it all out right now...GRRR. I think I'll just lay a few things out here bullet style if ya don't mind. It'll help clear my mind. :)

*We're finally 'All Done' with nursing. We were already going down that road but all of the chaos of the holidays sped us along to the end quicker than I anticipated. Preslie doesn't seem any worse for the wear, though, so I guess that's okay. Once or twice in the past week or so she's asked to nurse but before she'll settle down to actually do it, she's forgotten or gotten distracted or fallen asleep. The first day that we didn't nurse at all...and that she didn't ASK to nurse at all...I cried. A lot. She'll occasionally pat my breast when she's drifting off to sleep and say, 'All done nurses." So bittersweet. But all's well that ends well, right? I officially have a 'Big Girl' now.

*The fact that we no longer nurse is probably going to be a good thing, though, as I'm going to start earning my keep around here next week. Me and P are going to be babysitting a friend's 3 month old daughter a couple of days a week. Should be good practice for us both...for me to see if I could really handle two kiddos at once (maybe one day!) and for PJ, to see about the whole jealousy issue and having to share her mama. It will mean a little extra money will be floating around, too. Woo-hoo!

*I've got plans for that moola, too...it's going in the 'Another Baby...Maybe' fund. Since we're seriously thinking about getting back on the crazy carnival ride that is Infertility...or Subfertility...or whatever I'm classified as now, we've gotta get some bills payed off and get a little money in the bank, ya know? It's also going to pay for a gym membership for Yours Truly. That's right!! Fat Kelli is going to sweat it out with all the skinny folks who are working on their New Year's resolutions at the local gym. Awesome. Really, I am kind of looking forward to it. We have a place here that doesn't require a monthly membership and is cheap...just right for me. :) Not only will it help with my weight loss/baby making goals, it will get me out of the house without a child. Double woo-hoo!! :D

*Speaking of getting healthier, I started back taking Metformin this week (Holy Hannah, that stuff is killer! Why did I ever stop taking it!?) and my body does NOT like getting back into the swing of things. That also means that we're back to eating Low-Carb. Between the Met and the dietary changes, my GI track isn't thanking me just yet. I do believe that I'll be waiting for my system to level out before I hop on an elliptical machine at the gym. ;) Wouldn't want to embarrass myself more than I already will be.

*In other baby news, a cousin announced his wife's pregnancy today. They are both super people who will be wonderful parents and they are so excited. And I'm so glad for them. Really. So, I couldn't tell you why I cried when I read their announcement (on Fa.ceb.ook, of course) and felt incredibly, horribly jealous of them. I am a terrible person. Here I sit with my beautiful, perfect baby girl...my very own miracle...and yet I felt that same gut-wrenching feeling that I used to feel before she came along. I have absolutely NO reason to feel ill toward them or be jealous of them or their blessings. It makes me wonder if I'll ever be 'normal' in that respect again or if IF has scarred me in yet another way. I totally didn't expect to feel that way and it stinks.

*And speaking of babies yet again, my house seems to have been invaded by them. Preslie Jo got 6, yes S-I-X, baby dolls for Christmas (not counting the ones that she already had), along with a baby changing station, baby pack 'n' play, a baby stroller, a baby carrier, a baby high chair...and all the requisite baby gear and a baby sized diaper bag to put it all in. It looks a little like the baby doll aisle at the toy store threw up in my living room. :) She loves her babies, though, and has given most of them names. She talks to them and tries to change their diapers and wipe their faces and feed them. It is so sweet...and another one of those things that I didn't ever think I'd ever see happen in my life. I love it...mess and all!

*Preslie will say absolutely anything these days. ANYTHING. She repeats everything and doesn't seem to forget anything. My personal favorite, of course, is "I lub (love) ew(you), Mama". PRICELESS. Some of the less priceless ones include 'feet stink', 'booger', and 'toot'. :D It's the best! She really is so much fun right now. Even though I sometimes miss the sweet, tiny baby stage (but not the screaming, bleary-eyed lack of sleep stage...er, year), I wouldn't trade where we are right now for anything in the world.

Well, it seems that I've vented my spleen for tonight and now my mind's a bit clearer, even if my post is all over the place! :)

It's past my bedtime, especially since I had planned on going to bed early. Oh well...there's always tomorrow night for that. ;) Hope you all had a wonderfully blessed holiday and that the new year finds you happy, healthy and well. Adios!

My Own Christmas Miracle

2011-12-21T07:20:00.004-06:00

No, I'm sooooo not pregnant. Just getting that out of the way. ;)

My miracle is really someone else's miracle...I just have the pleasure and joy of sharing in it. My family got the most AMAZING news yesterday. Are you ready for this?

MY PAPAW DOES NOT HAVE CANCER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D

Yes, you read that correctly. According to the doctors, there was a mistake somewhere along the path (which should make me furious for all the grief it's caused but I just can't think about that right now...I'm too happy right now to care!) and after another opinion , further testing and a biopsy, the growing spots on his lungs are in fact, not cancer at all. They're abscesses from pneumonia that he had ages ago and thought was completely gone. While that's not particularly great, it's absolutely curable and totally survivable!

So now, instead of spending the next 6 weeks worrying and grieving and trying to capture every minute, he'll have some trips to get IV antibiotics (as well as the oral type), will go about everyday life...and we'll still try to capture every moment. No more taking anything for granted! :)

The doctors can say what they will...and I know that mistakes do happen...but I believe with all my heart that God heard our cries and the prayers of so many faithful friends (like you!) and answered us with our own kind of miracle. Thank you, Lord!

It's a Merry, Merry Christmas indeed, friends...a Merry, Merry Christmas!

Yawn...

2011-12-17T22:51:00.002-06:00

Or maybe this post could be called "I'm So Tired That I Can't Even Come Up With a Title...Much Less A Catchy One". Or something like that.

First, thanks so much to all of you for your kind words, encouragement and prayers for my Papaw. I was so, so, so down when I wrote that post and your comments were a little bit like gold to me...they really helped me. I guess, even though it wasn't intended to be, getting it all out was a bit cathartic and made me feel like I wasn't carrying around the whole weight of the world on my shoulders.

Truly, I'm feeling a little better about it all now...at least I'm not crying every day. Okay, I'm still crying every day but at least not all day. Since my last post, he has decided to have some other tests done and is considering some aggressive treatment which he wouldn't even speak of before, so I guess it's a process for us all. It does encourage me that he seems to want to explore his options and fight this instead of just giving up like it seemed he would. Please continue to pray for him...he still surely needs it!

Things really have been going quite well otherwise...which is probably why I'm so stinking tired. We have been going and doing every.single.day.this.week. It's been good...there have been gifts to buy and folks to visit and parties to attend. We've planned and visited and wrapped and baked. We've been out and about so much that Preslie has started asking me when we get up each morning, "Go bye-bye? Go shop?". Seriously, she's ruined already!

I've tried every night this week to get to bed early but it just hasn't happened...and obviously isn't tonight either. Preslie's sleep has been pretty junky, too, with all the excitement...and the imminent arrival of 2 bottom molars. Of course, that doesn't stop her from wanting to get up at the crack of dawn each day and go non-stop til bedtime at night...sooooo, this mama is tired. Really, really tired. My weight and crappy hormones aren't helping matters either, but that's a post for another day...or night. ;)

I'm headed off to bed now but just wanted to make sure that you knew how much I appreciate each of you and how much your comments meant to me. We are treasuring each day and in spite of it all...or maybe to spite it...we're actually starting to enjoy the holiday season, much more than I thought we could this year...late nights and all. Hope you are, too.

Yawn. Goodnight!

Crushed

2011-12-11T21:44:00.001-06:00

Have you ever felt like things were just coming apart at the seams and there was nothing that you could do about it? Like the weight that's put on your shoulders is too much to bear? I feel that way right now, and right here at Christmas, no less.

I found out this week that my Papaw has cancer. It's fast growing and most likely terminal.

I've been trying to write this post since Wednesday in hopes that it will help clear my heart and head but mostly I've just sat at the computer and cried. Honestly, I've sat just about every where and cried. I wish you knew my Papaw. He's kind of got that 'gruff old man' exterior but he loves me and mine like no other ever has. He's been the most constant, loving, present man in my life for, well, my whole life. Closer than my dad or my other grandpas. Most every memory I have has him in it, even from the earliest ones. And it is crushing me right now to think that we don't have many more memories to make together.

I know that sounds so dramatic...and you know me, I don't mind the drama...but in this case it's true. It is dramatic to think that someone that I love and admire so much could be gone so much sooner than I ever thought. Part of me is grieving for him...what he must be thinking about and going through...the fear and pain, both physical and emotional. Part of me is grieving for his wife, my Mamaw...how worried and scared she must be...knowing that she'll soon be facing the unknown alone. Part of me is grieving for me...I just can't imagine him not being here every time I drop by or pick up the phone...knowing that he's got to face this ugly disease and there is absolutely nothing that I can do change it for him.

I think mostly, though, I'm grieving for Preslie. I wish I could explain to you how much she loves her Papaw. She talks about him all the time and we visit him at least once a week. He 'sneaks' her candy and I pretend not to see. They watch cartoons together. They play babies and run races and rock in his big recliner. They swing in the porch swing and eat popsicles and drink sweet tea that I also pretend not to know about. They play with his cats and read the paper and give high fives and laugh together and share secret smiles...all the things a kid and her great-grandpa should do. They love each other SO much and it is just tearing my heart apart to know that she'll never even remember just how much. Even though she has no idea what's going on now or what's to come, it's hurting me for her already.

I know that without a miracle, this will likely be our last Christmas together. That thought alone is enough to make me weep, never mind all that will go on between now and that terrible time. I'm trying hard, though, to enjoy all of the Advent festivities because I know that's what he wants me to do...and what I should do. I'm trying to be the fun, attentive mama that my baby girl needs and deserves right now. We're doing all of the 'extras' that come with the holiday season and we're trying to keep up all the traditions that we've celebrated in the past. We've visited Santa and decorated the tree and baked Christmas cookies and candies. We've shopped and wrapped and given gifts. We've sang 'Jingle Bells' about a million times. We've had pictures made and sent out Christmas cards. We're going to parties and gatherings and are trying to act like every thing's okay. I have to tell you, though...my heart just isn't in it. My heart is in shreds and I don't feel the joy of the season right now at all.

I know all the cliched sayings..."He's lived a good life" and "He'll be in a better place" and all that. I know "he wouldn't want you to feel this way" and that I should "make the most of the time we have left". Intellectually, I know all those things but they're no comfort right now. Right now, I want to go back to the beginning of the week and start over again. I want to cry and scream and throw a fit until things go back to the way that they used to be and the man I've loved the most and the longest isn't counting down the days of his life. I want for my Papaw not to have stinking, rotten, filthy cancer. That's what I want for Christmas, as illogical and selfish and childish as it may be. How am I supposed to celebrate the season and have the peace and joy that it should bring knowing what he's facing? I just can't seem to do it. I'm crushed.

Cancer, my friends, sucks. There are no words strong enough to tell you how much I hate it.

I'd Like To Thank The Academy...

2011-12-02T13:49:00.008-06:00

Yeah, right! :)

Believe it or not, me and my little corner of the blogosphere have been given an award...The Liebster Blog Award.

The Liebster Award spotlights up and coming bloggers with fewer than 200 followers. Liebster is a German word which means "dearest" or "beloved." It is also used to refer to as some one's "favorite" and the idea of the Liebster Blog Award is to bring attention to blogs which, in addition to having less than 200 followers, are also some of your favorite reads that you think are deserving of more recognition and encouragement. So, this award is to share with those blogs that you love to love... you know... the ones that you can't wait to see a new post from because some how, some way, the blogger seems to always put words to things in a way that touch you deeply...or make you laugh hysterically...or realize that you're not alone in whatever you're going through, be it good, bad or otherwise. There are certain rules that are to be followed:

Thank the giver and link back to the blogger who gave it to you.

Reveal your top five picks and let them know by leaving a comment on their blog.

Copy and paste the award on your blog.

Hope that the people you've sent the award to forward it to their five favorite bloggers and keep it going!

If the truth be told, I actually got this sweet award from TWO bloggy friends within a couple of days of each other. Brenda tagged me first. I personally think she's a saint among mothers and is one of my dearest real-life mama friends, one who's talked me down off of the proverbial 'edge' a time or two. ;) We've known each other since elementary school (if you can believe that!) and I count myself blessed to call her a friend. She does a great job blogging about her sweet kiddos, her daily life, her struggles with IF and her faith. I tell her that I want to be like her when I grow up. :)

Then, just today before I got around to posting, Kate sent the award my way. She is a career woman who's also a farm wife to her hubby and great mama to two handsome little men...and about 300 or so cows. ;) She's also an IF success story and I love hearing about her boys, their family and all the cool adventures that they all get to have out there on the range. She seems like the kind of lady that I could sit down and have a cup of coffee with and enjoy a conversation while our kids destroyed everything in their paths. :D

So first, THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU!! I don't know that my little family blog is worthy of an award but it is so sweet of you both. I actually love reading both of these lovely ladies posts so much that I would have liked to send a Liebster to them. :) Instead, I'll send it on to these lovely ladies in hopes that they'll enjoy the encouragement, compliments and recognition as much as I have.

Morgan is a sweet lady that I went to school with and reconnected with via Fa.ceb.ook a while back. She's unfortunately been dealt the same crappy hand of hormones that as I have, so she and her hubby have recently thrown their hat into the adoption ring. I'm excited to see what come next for them! Won't you stop by and visit her and lend her some prayers and encouragement for her journey?

Nikki is one of the first blog buddies that I made when I stepped into this little bloggy community. She is a great encourager! She, too, has battled IF and after 10 long years, she and her hubby are expecting their miracle, baby Emerson, in the spring. I think Nikki has such a sweet soul and is going to be an excellent mama. I couldn't be happier for her (and wish that I was close enough to spoil that sweet baby)!

Kari is a lovely bloggy friend from the East Coast area. Also in the IF boat with many of us, she's was blessed with her son a few months after Preslie was born and is having a blast raising her boy, 'Little Dude'. She writes with honesty, candor and humor and I love seeing new posts from her in my reader. She, too, is an encourager and a mama-friend that I'd just love to meet face to face.

Shannon is my sweet cousin...and I love, love, love reading her posts. Now, before you accuse me of being biased (go ahead, I am! ;p), she DOES have some of the sweetest, kindest, most gorgeous kids around...but her words are ones that always speak to me. I started reading her blog to keep up with their family life (they live several hours away from us) but intertwined with her posts on daily life are words of faith, love and compassion...and almost always a challenge that makes me think, pray and strive to be more than I am in myself. She and her family are absolutely Christ-centered and I love to hear how the Lord is working in their lives via her posts. I know if you stop by and visit, you'll be incredibly blessed by her just as I am.

Jill is another of my favorite reads. This mama, another met through the IF circles, blogs about life with her Baby Girl but not just that. It seems like she's faced with lots of challenges (all the time...bless her heart!) but she handles them so gracefully, much more so than I could, I'm afraid. She's real and straight-forward but she always seems to look on the bright side and I love that about her. You will, too!

I should tell you, I've agonized a bit over who to pick for this lovely little bit of admiration as there are just so many folks I know that could and should get this recognition...choices, choices, choices! There are some GREAT reads just over there to the right...pick just about any of them and you'll enjoy what you find. Thanks, again, my bloggy friends for reading me and recognizing me...and for supporting and encouraging those that I enjoy, too. God Bless!

Wordless Wednesday: Christmas Pics

2011-11-30T15:51:00.009-06:00

Warning! You are about to be completely inundated with cute Christmas photos of my little monkey. There are a whole bunch of them. I just can't help it! :) Enjoy!!

See, I told you there were a lot! ;) And these are only a sampling of the 90+ that were taken. What can I say? I love having pictures of my baby girl! :)

BTW...I don't know why there's a huge space before the last two pictures. I tried to fix it several times but it just keeps coming out that way??? I don't know...Blogger doesn't like me! Sorry!

You've Gotta Have Friends

2011-11-19T16:42:00.004-06:00

We are boring people. For reals.

We really don't have much of a 'life' by most people's standards...heck, even by my own standards, sometimes. ;) Mike works. I take care of Preslie and the house and whatever else comes up. We sleep, but not together, because Mike works at night and sleeps during the day. I try to keep Preslie busy and stay out of the house on days that she's extra hyper...or cranky...or plain ol' toddler-y....in order for him to get that sleep since he's our primary money-maker. Of course, that means that I do a lot of my 'work' (laundry, prepping for meals, shopping, etc.) at night and during nap times. It's kind of a vicious cycle, one that I'm sure most folks get into at some time or another.

Once upon a time, we had a friend or two. You know, couple friends? Even though we were the only ones without kids, when we went out as adults to dinner or a movie or whatever, it didn't seem to matter too much and a good time was had by all. Our couple friends have fallen by the wayside, though, in the year and a half since Preslie came along. One couple moved. Then another couple moved, too. Our best couple friends (my cousin and his life long best friend) got divorced and we're finding ourselves torn between the two new households. Add in having a high need baby to our plate, and there's been no time to do much of anything other than the previously mentioned work and sleep and kid care. There's certainly been no time or opportunity to make or cultivate friendships of any kind.

People, we need some friends.

Don't get me wrong...I have some sweet mama friends that P and I see occasionally for play dates (and gossip .;p). We see our families, even extended families, frequently and enjoy doing things with them sometimes. Mike has a few guys from work that he talks to now and then. But when it comes down to having a couple, with kids or without, that we can hang out with and do stuff with and just shoot the breeze with, we just don't have 'em.

I don't like that sometimes.

It makes me feel old before my time...like I'm boring and dull and have no social skills or something. ;) And I know, rationally, that there's not time to do much friendship farming. Child rearing and family life is most important but I think, sometimes, that we NEED some real-life friends. Maybe I just need an attitude adjustment. Who knows?

I sound pathetic, huh? (maybe because I'm writing this post while sitting at home on a Saturday night!)

Soooo, have your friendships changed since your little one(s) came alone? Or since you're the ones without a kid (we've been there, too)? How do you cope??

The Beginning of the End

2011-11-14T20:49:00.003-06:00

I knew this time would come. There have been times that I begged for it to happen and others that I did all that I could to keep it at bay, but I knew that one day, our number would be up.

Preslie didn't nurse this morning when she woke up. Didn't even ask to...for the first time EVER. And tonight, when it was offered during our regular bedtime routine, she sat down with me, started to latch, then decided to get down and went and got into Mike's lap to read books instead...and never looked back. Other than a quick little 5 minute check-in before nap this afternoon, she hasn't nursed all day. This is a huge deal for my little mamita...she loves her 'nurses'.

Apparently, the time has come to wean. It makes me sad...just a little.

I don't think that I've ever fully discussed in this forum what a struggle and a joy that breastfeeding has been for us. I know that you know that we chose to nurse...and I posted a few times when Preslie was younger about supply problems and such but I never had the time or energy to really put it all down on paper, so to speak, when I was in the midst of the worst of our issues.

It's probably a moot point now, but the highlights range from Preslie nursing literally every 2 hours for an hour at a time for 6 MONTHS...

To taking Fenugreek, Alfalfa, Blessed Thistle, drinking Mother's Milk tea and every other herb known to man that will help milk supply, even as far as taking domperidone (a prescription med) that I had to order in from freakin' THAILAND because it isn't available in the US...

To crying over having to supplement with formula for 3 months when all that I had done all I could do and it still wasn't enough.

Round all that out with Pres getting into the habit of nursing to sleep, to the point that she wouldn't...COULDN'T...go to sleep without nursing, waking every few hours every.single.night. until she was almost 16 months old to nurse, even for just a few minutes and refusing to let anyone else hold her or comfort her at all.

Sounds rough, right? I can't lie...I had some bad, bad, BAD days...and weeks...and months. Everything I did had to be scheduled around nursing from eating to (not!!) sleeping to shopping to appointments and there were times that I thought, "Gosh! I can't wait 'til this child weans!!".

Well, now it looks like that time has come and I will admit that I shed a tear or two tonight. Even though things were a challenge for us, I can't begin to tell you how very, very special our nursing relationship is to me...and how precious a gift it's been for both of us. I learned a lot, especially about myself, during those hardships and they bonded us like nothing else could have. Though we had those seriously hard times, I don't regret it at all and I know that even if part of me is okay with this time ending, the biggest part of me isn't really ready for it to be over.

Guess my big girl has other ideas, though. I don't think it will end overnight (gosh, I hope not!) but after almost 18 months, it seems our time has come. So, here's to the next chapter in my sweet pea's childhood and the beginning of the end of breastfeeding my baby. If you think about it, say a little prayer for us. This isn't as easy for this Mama as I thought it might be...

Want to Know Something?

2011-11-13T10:27:00.003-06:00

I have a good cry every time I change out Preslie's clothes with the seasons.

Silly, huh?

I can't seem to help it. I don't think I even put her newborn clothes away til she was almost 7 months old...and that's just because Christmas was coming and I absolutely HAD to have the room for all the new things that I knew that she was receiving!

I am such a sap. ;)

I don't really know why. Okay, that's not totally true...some of it's probably that pitiful infertile girl who lives in me who worries and wonders if I'll ever have a reason to take them out again. Some of it's probably the sentimental sap who remembers the good times that were had while wearing 'this' little dress...or the first time we went to visit my grandparents and she was wearing 'that' little outfit...or our first play date when she wore 'this' shirt and got it soooo dirty because she was having such a good time. Some of it's probably the mama in me who can't believe how fast my little girl is growing.

And if the truth be told, some of it probably has something to do with how overwhelming the task is...and because I'm not always ready for the crying session that comes with it. ;)

What a wienie! :D

So since the weather has cooled and Christmas is once again right around the corner, I cleaned out Preslie's closet yesterday while she napped. (Can I just interject something here? I am quite thankful for walk-in closets. :D) Then, last night after she was asleep, I sat down with a mug of hot chocolate and 3 (yes, three) laundry baskets that were overflowing with clothes and went through them all. I sorted, folded, packed and remembered. Remembered when she was too small to wear this...and how quickly she outgrew that. And cried. And cried. And cried.

And prayed.

I prayed that I would have another chance to use all the precious things that Preslie has for her future little sister (or brother...but he's gonna look awfully funny in pink ruffles. ;p). I prayed that I wouldn't take for granted any of the memories and good times we've had while wearing this outfit or that dress...and that those memories would be brought to the forefront of my mind when times aren't so good. I prayed for all those who gave her the things that she has, as I don't think that Mike and I have really had to buy anything for her, well, ever...her grandparents and great-grandparents and aunt and other family and friends always beat us to it and bless our socks off with their gifts. I prayed for my sweet girl, that she would always be as loved and cared for as she is now and that she would never want for anything that she truly needs.

As silly as it sounds, sorting through socks and packing away pajamas is a special time for me...a reminder of how great and perfect and precious my little miracle is and how blessed we are to have her...and how blessed she is to have so many, well, blessings both in her closet and in her life.

Thank heavens there are only 4 seasons in the year, though. I don't think my tear ducts could handle it any more often. ;)

Christmas Ornament Exchange

2011-11-09T15:17:00.002-06:00

Hi, Bloggy Friends!

Hope you're having a great day. I read today that it's time for Lynn's annual Christmas ornament exchange again. It's a fun way to connect with other bloggers and spread some holiday cheer. Stop by here and sign up today...I did! :)

Another Super Good Day

2011-11-08T14:30:00.006-06:00

Things seem to come in clusters for us sometimes. Like, when it's bad, it's BAD...and it seems to stay that way for a while. This happened to us last week. Tuesday, all heck seemed to break lose with every.single.person.in.our.home getting a nasty cold, Preslie cutting 2 (yes, t-w-o!) molars within 24 (crying and whining filled) hours, the toilet on the hall bathroom going on the fritz, money troubles...and it just kind of went down hill from there. I was just about ready to jump ship by the weekend.

Then, out of the blue, the good comes...and it's SUPER GOOD. We're currently on the upswing, thank heavens! We're all pretty much well, the weather has been unseasonably warm and beautiful, my house doesn't look tooooo terribly much like it's been hit by a tornado and everyone is in a good mood. We had a play date yesterday that we both enjoyed. Oh, and the toilet is fixed. Woo-hoo! (The money troubles are still lingering but I'm not gonna let that spoil this little happy cluster. ;p)

Today has been one of 'those' days...not the bad kind, but those extra-super-good ones that I fantasized about before I had a child. A day full of fun stuff just for the two of us where nothing really goes wrong and we just get to spend time just enjoying being a mama and a kid.

We played blocks in the middle of the living room floor in our pajamas.

We brushed our teeth and hair together and played dress-up.

We made lunch and ate it picnic style on a blanket in the backyard, complete with a little leftover Halloween candy (chocolate, of course!) for dessert.

We got said chocolate on our face and hands and clothes and didn't worry about the mess.

We made piles of leaves, then took our shoes off and buried our feet.

We filled buckets and pans and such with leaves...

and had just as much fun dumping them out as we did picking them up.

We laid on our picnic blanket and watched the wind blow leaves off of our favorite tree.

We sang 'The Itsy Bitsy Spider' about 138 times...in a row.

Now, my chocolate-faced, leaf crunching, picnic partner is taking a well deserved nap and I'm prepping things for dinner...and I can't help but feel so blessed to have had another super good day together. It still amazes me how far we've come and how...well...good things are now. Days like this give me hope and encourage me as a parent...and definitely must go into the memory bank to be pulled out when illness comes back around...or the toilet breaks again...or when we run out of clean underwear and I can't seem to do anything right.

But for now, for today...we're super good. Hope you are, too.

More Fall Fun

2011-11-01T08:26:00.009-05:00

In addition to our trip to the pumpkin patch, we also went to the Fall Festival in our town on Friday and had some of our cousins over for dinner and goodies on Halloween night. Here are a few pictures to commemorate all the fun we had. :)

I must be honest and tell you that my little butterfly did NOT love her costume...and that's an understatement! She like playing with it and squeezing it (the body is very squishy) but when it came time to actually wear it, she was not a fan! Most of my pictures from the Fall Fest on Friday look a lot like this...no smile, a bored look and Mike carrying her around because she would just fall on the ground if we tried to get her to walk. Sheesh!

In this one, I got half a smile as she was trying diligently to pull the hat off...and I probably only go the smile because she thought she was going to be successful!

Things started to get better as time went on...

Then she decided that she could get into it when she got her very first sucker! :)

She was soooo funny with it and whittled it down to nothing in no time at all. She would have gladly eaten the paper stick, too, if I had let her. She learned to say 'candy' and 'sucker' with no problem! ;p

On Monday night we had some of our cousins over to eat and play. Everyone was dressed up, of course, and we made sure to go to Mamaw and Papaw's (my grandparents) to get a little (read: waaaay too much) candy.

Hugs from my ballerina cousin, Zoey. :)

After visiting my grandparent's house, some of the kids went trick-or-treating while some others stayed back to hand out candy. Mike and I started out with a hyper little butterfly who wanted to do all the things that the big kids were doing, so we followed along to a few houses of neighbors we knew. That didn't last long, though...she got tired and stopped to take a break! She told us 'Rest!' and sat down on the curb. Too cute. :)

Once we were 'resting' more than we were walking, we came home and inspected the bounty! The kiddos racked up and there was more than enough candy for all of them...and the mamas and daddies too! ;p

And, of course, Preslie got yet another sucker...this time from Aunt Kim. She was one wound up little mama!

From the smiles on every one's faces and the copious amounts of (really good!) candy that were piled in the living room floor, I think it's safe to say that a good time was had by all...and we can't wait to do it again next time! :D

Officially Disappointed...I Think

2011-10-22T22:13:00.003-05:00

***FYI: This post contains a little TMI.***

(and it's a looooooooong one, too!)

---------------------------------------------

As I think you've gathered by my previous posts, Miss P is one busy little mamacita.

All. The. Time.

She even moves in her sleep. (Seriously, I can hear her rustling around right now over the monitor!) Don't get me wrong, she is an absolute joy and I wouldn't trade ANYTHING in the whole world for her but she wears me out. ;) And I don't say that as a complaint but as a cold, hard fact.

Sometimes I'm not sure that I was nearly as 'made' for parenthood as I thought I was.

I know, I know...everybody has those moments when you feel less-than-equipped for some task or phase or day or whatever. Truly, though, I feel that way more often than not. I spend a lot of time praying that I'm not permanently screwing up my sweet child. :) Of course, things are absolutely, incredibly, 129% better than they were when she was an infant (we get dressed almost everyday now!) and we really are doing okay...but I promise, parenting makes me doubt my every step sometimes (and believe me, there are lots and lots of steps involved in a day with P. ;p).

So, all of that said, it may come as a surprise to you (as it did to me!) that Mike and I have kind of started talking about having another bambino...in a theoretical way. WHAT?! As ill equipped as I feel sometimes, I don't want Preslie to be an only child by choice, you know? And with as long as it took us to have her...and with my age, which will be considered 'high-risk' sooner rather than later...it worries me that we'll have trouble again. So, we've been tossing around the idea of actively trying (charting and temping and timing and all that to start with) but if the truth be told...

I'm not sure if I'm ready.

Physically, my weight is pretty out of control and since we've all but stopped nursing, I've gained about 20lbs...practically overnight. UGH. And even doing semi-low carb and taking Metformin, losing weight now is a little like trying to chisel stone with a plastic spoon...it just doesn't work. I'm sure I need to head back to the doc for a work up but that leads to the next reason that I don't think I'm ready...

Money, honey. Kids are freakin' expensive! ;) And so are all the doctor visits and labs and such that it takes to make 'em in the IF world. We're working on all the finances (and are actually making headway, praise the Lord!) but it would be preeeettttty tight if I conceived right now.

Know what else would be tight?? Our living quarters. Even though P has her own room, we still co-sleep by choice, which leaves her room as more of a playroom. It works great for now but it would have to change with a new addition...and my girl is NOT one for change. :) And even IF she did willingly sleep in her own room so that we could put the new baby in ours, that doesn't expand our living room or kitchen, which are s-m-a-l-l. I know that sounds like a pitiful excuse and that people have more kids in smaller spaces but we're already stepping all over each other...and an abundance of toys...and crazy Kelli needs her space! ;) Ideally, we'll have a larger place when we move on to Pregnancy #2.

All valid (okay, sort of valid) reasons to NOT try and conceive, right? And even though we don't prevent, it has always taken some assistance and serious trying to get pregnant in the past, so we've not even been thinking about it seriously, you know? It was more of a maybe...down the road...in a little while...kind of conversation.

Until my period was late this month.

Holy Hannah! I was totally taken off guard when I realized that I didn't start...taken off guard and more than a little freaked out. All those reasons that I just talked about started rolling through my mind and I had a little panic attack. Just a little one. :) Then I got myself together and was reminded that God won't ever give us more than we can handle...and of course, that children are a blessing from Him...and was at peace with the idea that we could possibly be having another sweet baby.

At peace and maybe just a teeny, tiny, little bit excited. :)

So, as a good little IF'er always does, I had my requisite stash of pregnancy tests and I cracked one open and did what had to be done. I have to tell you, I was fully expecting to see 2 pink lines. And it was totally and completely negative. And even though I still haven't started, I know in my heart that the test is conclusive...not pregnant.

Even now as I type this, I feel the same feeling I felt this morning: a faintly embarrassing mix of disappointment and relief. Disappointment because part of me really did want to be pregnant again. Relief because I can be so unsure of myself as a parent sometimes and I wonder if I'm capable of raising Preslie to be a moral, responsible adult, much less another child, too. And embarrassed I felt both of those things after all we've been through, both good and bad. It seems too weird to even be writing about all of this again and really truly considering stepping back into the ring and trying to have another child. And even knowing all the struggles as we had, as trying as the first 17 months of parenthood have been and as far as we probably have to go, I know that there is room in our lives and hearts for another child (even if we don't have room in our house! ;D).

So, I guess we're throwing our hat back in the ring? That's said with some uncertainty. :) But I do know that I wouldn't have felt any disappointment if somewhere in me wasn't ready to try again, you know? Truly, I've felt a little bit like a non-If'er since P came along, so I'm not sure I'm up for the roller coaster ride that's to come...but it seems that I've bought my ticket for the ride (or am at least in line ;p), so here we go...

I think.

Little Pumpkin

2011-10-16T21:13:00.009-05:00

Hello blog buddies! Hope you all had a wonderful weekend. Ours was pretty low key but we did take Preslie to one of the local pumpkin patches for a little family fun on Friday and wanted to share a few pics with you .

She's going through a "I can pick up ANYTHING no matter how big it is" stage. It's pretty funny to watch!

She was pretty serious in her picking...not just any old pumpkin would do!

Here, again, trying to get one that weighs more than she does. This pose reminds me of one of those Pr.ecious M.oments posters. So sweet. :) It would have been even sweeter if her mom could take a decent picture and didn't cut the top of her head off! Ugh.

The farm had an actual pumpkin patch for the kids to pick their own in addition to the pre-picked ones. We had to take a short little hayride to get to it and P loved that. She sat in Mike's lap and made 'vroom-vroom' noises like the tractor that was pulling us.

She was pretty interested in the hay and called it 'weefs'...her version of 'leaves'...which I thought was pretty smart (of course I thought it was smart...I'm her mama! ;p). We have lots and lots of 'weefs' in our backyard right now and she loves playing with them...just like she did the hay.

She really loved the pumpkin patch! She ran and laughed and picked up all the little pumpkins that she could manage.

This is one of the little 'punshons' (as she called them) that we ended up with. I don't know what made it so special to her but once she got it, she didn't want to let it go!

When we told her that it was time to go get back on the hayride, she started picking up all these pumpkins and handing them to Mike. She didn't want to take them...she was cleaning up! SO funny!!

We all had a blast, especially Miss P, and I got to check one more thing off of my list of things that I finally get to do as a family. :) I know, I know...I'm a dork but sometimes I still just can't help but believe that she's mine!

Of course, we frequently have 'those' times when I wish she was someone else's... ;p

In all seriousness, she's an incredible joy and we usually have a wonderful time together, just like we did on this outing. She had so much fun playing with the 'punshons' and the 'weefs' and the other kids that were there that we'll definitely do it again before the season is out.

We finally have a 'fall' picture of us as a family, albeit a terrible picture that makes it look like I'm poking her in the throat, but it's a keepsake nonetheless. This was an wonderful day with my wonderful little family, bad pictures and all! :)

This picture was one of my favorites! Happy Fall, Y'all!

Wordless Wednesday: Sunflower Sweetie

2011-10-05T05:30:00.000-05:00

Here are a few pics from last month's outing to a local sunflower patch.

My sweet friend is a super photographer and she got some great shots of my little monkey.

My diva and her rain boots. This little mamita loooooves shoes. :)

Little cutie!

Precious. :)

I love her eyes in this one. The wind was really blowing, though...check out that hair!

Sweetie pie!

Love these sweet little dirty feet. :)

My little farmer girl.

So serious! She looks a lot like her Daddy.

Happy baby!

Well Would You Look at That!

2011-09-02T23:05:00.001-05:00

The wide world of blogging is still here...even though I haven't been! ;)

I know, I know...3 months is a pretty long dry spell but I just wanted to let you know that we're still here and we're doing GREAT! Preslie is 15 months old now and is a full-fledged toddler. She is rapidly (much too rapidly for her mama!) kissing those' baby' days goodbye (sniff, sniff) and has no fear of jumping headlong into whatever comes next. She's a running, climbing, jabbering machine who is constantly into something. She has skinned knees, bruised legs from climbing EVERYTHING and a budding confidence and independence that will suit her well...someday. ;)

We love pigtails!!

I used to be unable to find the time to blog because she was so fussy and high maintenance. Now I don't have time because I am perpetually in motion, chasing behind the still-occasionally-fussy-and-high-maintenance-but-sooooo-much-better-than-she-once-was Hurricane Preslie. :) But you know me...I worked too hard to get her so I wouldn't have it any other way!

Hello, my name is Mischief. ;p

I wish that I had time to fill you in on all that's come and gone in the past 3 months, but that would take FOREVER because there's literally something new going on every.single.day. But the highlights are that P is a much better sleeper, a much less frequent but not totally weaned nurser, eats everything in sight (or nothing at all. See, I told you she was a toddler!) and is a generally happier baby...um, toddler...overall. Which makes me a much happier mama overall. :) She is always playing outside, spends time with her cousins and friends, is facinated by bugs, books and babydolls, sings and dances all the time, and she loves her Daddy, her Papaw (my granddad), her Grammie (my mom) and swinging more than just about anything...except her MAMA! :D She still a shy bug in new situations but is coming out of her shell more and more everyday. I've added a few photos from the summer so that you can see how she's grown and what a little fireball she is now!

Looking summery sweet at a cousin's wedding.

Now that I'm not hanging on my fingernails at the end of everyday (just some days!), I really am going to try and do better about blogging. I know...I've said that before but it seems much more doable now that I'm functioning on more than 3 hours of sleep. ;) I've recently come across some good, non-crazy, pretty REAL sounding mom blogs that I like, so I feel a little more inspired to get my bloggity mojo back, you know? And as silly as it might sound, I miss it...and I miss you guys, too, though I did notice that I'm not the only one who seemed to fall off the face of the blogosphere when I finally had a baby. :) At least we're all in good company, right?

So, if you're still around, drop me a comment so I know that you're here, 'kay?

Doesn't she just look like she's about to get into something?!

For tonight, I'm going to fold some laundry, spend some time with my hubby and try to get a little shut eye before my little monster is up and rolling again at the first light of day. Hope you're all doing fabulously! See you again soon...I promise!

I Know You're Tired of Hearing This...

2011-06-18T21:10:00.006-05:00

...but I REALLY do wish that I had more time to blog! :) Things are going swimmingly. P is growing like a weed, jabbering up a storm and keeps me running every. single. minute. of. every. single. day. She is a exploring more all the time and is definitely becoming her own little person. I love it! :D

Miss P loves playing ball!

We had a fantastic first birthday, complete with not one but TWO parties, and I'm working on a post, complete with pictures. It wasn't nearly the disaster I expected, so that was a plus! I promise that I'll get it posted before she has another birthday. ;)

P and her Papaw (my grandfather) opening her blocks at the family party.

In other news, I'm fatter than ever (bleh...which is why you're not seeing any pics of me in this post) and am more-than-sure that I need an adjustment on my Metformin. I'm doing vitamins, extra B's and all that jazz but still have NO energy at all, something that usually signals a blood sugar funk. Not really what I need right now, you know? And after a blissful 22 months, thanks to pregnancy and incessant breastfeeding for the past year, I've finally gotten my cycles back. Oh. Lucky. Me. Can I just tell you that I have NOT missed this little visitor?! The hormones are KILLING me. Ugh.

P at her cousin's Kindergarten graduation

Speaking of BFing, we're still trucking right along. I don't think that P will be one to give up the boob willingly...she looooves it! Truly, she's not nursing so much for hunger because the little diva can eat like a lumberjack when she's really hungry, but for comfort. That's a good thing, I guess, because my supply is rapidly declining. She visits Mama's Dairy Bar whenever she's feeling sick (like with teething), tired or upset but will forgo me completely when she's busy or when we're out and about, which is pretty normal for her age from what I understand. I'm not pushing her to wean but there is a little part of me that will be kind of glad to have my body back to myself fully so I don't have to worry so much about what I eat or wear, you know? Gosh, that sounds so selfish! I don't mean to be. I know I'll miss the closeness we have while nursing sooo...we'll just cross that bridge when we come to it, I guess. No worries, right? (Yeah, right...you know me!)

My sleeping beauty. LOVE this baby!

Mike's still hanging in there. I think he must wonder some days if this is what he signed up for when he got married! :D It's a circus sometimes, that's for sure. P absolutely LOVES her Da-Da, though, and I am so grateful for that. He's a wonderful husband to put up with me and my craziness and is a terrific dad, even if changing diapers still gets the best of him sometimes. ;) He's learned a WHOLE lot about housework and cooking (and ordering take-out) and the fine art of figuring out how to dodge his crazy wife's mine fields.

This is how he copes! ;p

I guess that's it in a nutshell for now. Really, if you look at it, not much has changed. We're still super busy, still live in a messy house and are still learning what we're doing everyday. Mike's still good, P's still the apple of my eye and I'm still crazy! :)

Just havin' a snack and chillin'. :D

Hope you're all doing well. Love and hugs and all that's good sent your way. Until next time...

The Countdown

2011-05-18T15:43:00.003-05:00

So, let's ignore the obvious that I've become the absentee blogger again, okay? :) I just don't have enough hours in the day...or am not organized enough or committed enough...or some combo of them all. Oh, well. I'll get back to it one day. Really, I will!

Just thought I'd let you know that we've begun the countdown: only 13 days til my baby turns a year old. Sniff, sniff. Just 13 days til my little walking, talking, mess-making, kiss-blowing, skinned-knee miracle has her very first birthday!

I can hardly believe it! Where has the time gone???

We've got the parties planned, invites sent, food ordered, decorations bought...and it will be upon us before I know it and certainly before I'm ready for it. Can't we just slow time down for the next two weeks? ;)

Hoppy Easter

2011-04-25T21:19:00.006-05:00

Hello friends! Hope you had a wonderful Easter holiday, full of family, friends, food and of course, celebrating the Holy Day.

We had a great weekend ourselves and I thought I'd take a minute to share these two pictures of Preslie with the Easter Bunny at our local mall. She, who will not let ANYONE hold her, absolutely LOVED the stinkin' EB. As in, she willingly went to him and wasn't in a hurry to leave! I couldn't believe it...and even though I'm not really sure if we're Easter Bunny-type people, and am so glad that we got the pictures for posterity. :)

It was definitely a milestone for Miss Priss. :) I guess she thought that ol' EB was just the biggest stuffed toy that she had ever seen! LOL! I was telling her to show us her teeth (to get her to smile), and she did which is where the first shot was taken.

But then she went one step further and tried to show me the EB's teeth, too. TOOOO funny!

It was a day to remember, that's for sure! Hope yours was, too. Blessings!

Already??

2011-03-24T15:34:00.002-05:00

Guess what happened yesterday??

Miss P took her first steps...already! AT 9 1/2 months!! Look out world...here comes Preslie!!

Milestones

2011-02-28T20:31:00.004-06:00

We're having a lot of 'firsts' and big things happening around here lately, so many in fact, that it's a little challenging to keep up with them all. Thank heavens for digital cameras and other technology that keep up with dates and times til I can record them in the baby book. :)

In the past month or so, Preslie has...

* Started pulling up...before she got the hang of crawling. She would do some combination of booty-scoot, belly-flop and roll to get wherever she wanted...and to get where she wanted to pull up. The pulling up led, of course, to cruising. Now, she goes everywhere and is into everything. She also finally got crawling down pat, too.

*Got her first tooth. It's the bottom right tooth on the middle front (I can't think of it's technical name right now). The one just to the left of it is just about to make it's appearance, too.

*Said Mama and Dada...with Mama being first, of course. :P I don't think that she really equates me with 'Mama' but who knows? She will get angry or impatient and stomp her foot and yell, 'MAMA!' That gets attention, let me tell ya...but I don't think she's really calling me. But maybe...we'll see. She also blabs and coos and laughs a lot. Her new word right now is 'bock'. I haven't figured out just yet what 'bock' means or what or who she's talking about when she says it...but she says it A LOT.

*She started taking a bath in the big tub. I mean, she's been out of her baby tub for a while but we were using a bath seat type thingy in our big tub. She decided that she was too big for it ( by trying to pull it up and tip it over...repeatedly), so we're now splashing free-style. She loves it. Her daddy, the resident bath giver, is still struggling a bit with it because she is hard to wrangle when she's dry, much less soaking wet. :)

*Got her first haircut! Yes, already. I have gotten that question about a hundred times. She has a double crown and where the two locks of hair meet in the front, it made a tail that hung down into her eyes. Since she also decided that she wasn't into wearing hair bows, headbands or barrettes to keep her hair out of her face, she got her bangs cut. My cousin, M, who is a hairdresser and the mom of a little one, cut it for me as I was too chicken to do it myself. :) It was just a little bit and she looks so much better...as in, you can actually see her face now.

Before

After

*She went to her first party. My cousin, M's baby girl, Z, just turned a year old and they had a blow out for her big day. Preslie was thoroughly unimpressed by everything but the ice cream and toys. :) Yes, I let her have a little taste of vanilla ice cream. It was her first party, not an every day thing...though she loved it and would surely eat it every day if I gave it to her.

*Has just about stopped eating baby food. I still have a fair amount of homemade cubes in my freezer but my girl has decided that baby food is for, well, babies. She only wants to eat what she can put in her mouth by herself. I'm salvaging some of the purees by mixing them with rice or pasta (because making baby food takes time and energy...I'm NOT throwing it out) and she'll tolerate that if I feed it to her BEFORE I put anything on her tray that she can feed herself. I see lots of dicing and slicing in my future.

*She lets go of things (toys, furniture, me) and just stands there. She looks around and acts like she's going to take a step and then just reaches back to hold on or sits down. She's going to be walking before I know it...and I have mixed feelings about that!

*We had our first outing to the park. The weather here has been unseasonably warm and we were able to go out and meet some friends there recently. She was totally overwhelmed and just watched everything...which is just what I expected. :) Mama had a good time actually being with adults, though, so we will definitely be doing that again SOON.

*And the most random thing: She's started crawling in her sleep. Yep. She'll whine and cry, so I check on her and she's crawling around and fussing WITH HER EYES CLOSED. It would be pretty funny if she weren't crawling into things and bashing her head and waking herself up to cry in earnest. What in the world?

My baby girl is growing up SO fast! I can't believe she's 9 months old. Time is absolutely flying but it's an incredible ride and we're loving every minute of it!

Fit-Throwing Friday: Busted!!

2011-02-17T21:13:00.004-06:00

So, I know that technically, it's still Thursday but my Friday promises to be quite full, so I'm throwing my fit tonight instead. Want to know why I'm throwing this particular fit?

Well, you'll remember that Mike, my hubby, works overnight. Last night when he went into work our car, albeit a little older than we'd like but paid off and more than functional, was fine. When he came out to come home this morning, this is what he found.

The rear window of our car was busted out. WHAT? Well, if the truth be told, I had a bit more to say than that but I'm sure you get the picture. Of all the luck...

It seems that no one knows what happened. It didn't happen to anyone else. There were no witnesses, no security video, no NOTHING, save a busted window, a huge mess and an insurance deductible to meet. Again I say, WHAT?!? As far as we know, the windshield wasn't compromised in any way, so our best guess is a vandal since it was just smashed. I say 'just' because nothing was stolen, thankfully. But there was not a shred of evidence (i.e. brick, rock, bb pellet) but that could just mean that they used a bat or crow bar or something else that they took with them.

It could have been an accident, I guess. More likely it was some random phenomenon that causes spontaneous windshield implosion in black cars owned by crazy women named Kelli. ;p

Seriously?? I didn't have a busted window in my schedule or my budget today...or ever.

To top it off, I have a full, full, full weekend ahead including a visit from the in-laws, a birthday party and errands on top of errands that need to be done. And I think that this all deserves a fit...a temper tantrum, maybe...but a fit nonetheless.

So there. Grrrr.

Plans-Shmans

2011-02-13T21:26:00.004-06:00

Well, you see what I get for thinking that I had things under control? I got on here, told the world (okay, the few of you in the world that are still reading me) that I was back on the blogging bandwagon and then...

Silence. For more than a week.

That's what I get for making plans. :) HA!

Things just get so hectic and busy and down right crazy around here sometimes. It's nutso. Though it pains me a bit to admit it (and I'll downright deny it if to some people IRL just so I don't have to listen to them tell me all the mistakes I've made and how to 'fix' them), Preslie is a high-maintenance mama...and I've made her that way. It was bound to happen when I didn't put her down for the first two months of her life. ;p And that's okay. She's my baby and I'm more than happy to put her first. Also, P has developed a major case of stranger anxiety (on top of the separation anxiety that she already had) and she screams her head off (like someone is cutting her leg off!!) if there is someone else around, or if I get out of her sight...or out of reach if it's a particularly bad day. But because she is so, ummm, high need, I don't do too much where she isn't attached to me (usually literally), thus things that aren't absolutely necessary (i.e. blogging!) don't always get done.

Who am I kidding? Things that ARE necessary don't often get done. :) That's why there is laundry to be folded right now. It's sitting right here in the basket next to me, a testament to my priorities. Thankfully, Mike and my mom helped me get SOOO much done this weekend that I've got a head start on my week, so we'll see how it goes compared to most weeks.

So, I thought I'd pose a little question to you. How do you get things done around your house in less than ideal conditions? When your little one is clingy or fussy or whiny? Do you have a routine or do you go with the flow? Any stratigies for accomplishing things one-handed? ;) Seriously, I know that there are more experienced, better organized mamas out there who can give a sister a hand, right? Or or you all living like me, with only one clean pair of underwear and a house that looks like a tornado struck?

Stranger in a Strange Land: My 200th Post

2011-02-06T21:43:00.003-06:00

Hello? Is anybody out there?

A stranger is exactly who I feel like since I haven't been around here in, uh, forever. I think I might have forgotten what to do here. :)

Maybe.

Nah. I'm just out of practice. A little finger flexing, neck stretching and a few minutes to ponder and I'll be on a roll again! :)

First, let me say Happy Halloween, Happy Thanksgiving, Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to you all since I missed all those special days. What a slacker this stranger is!

When I started this blog, I never, ever, ever thought that I'd go MONTHS without writing but thus it has been. And I never thought that my 200th post would be about something as common as our everyday life...but it is what it is! :)

We are GREAT! Okay, that's kinda true. ;) Mostly, we're all good, except when we're not. P is now 8 MONTHS OLD (can you believe it!!?), sporting her first tooth, skipping right over crawling to pulling up and cruising and is generally running my household with her chubby little food covered fist. She is a diva for sure...and I'm pretty sure that I made her that way! :) She's still nursing, not taking a pacifier or a bottle, is eating table food like a champ, detests a sippy cup but will drink from a straw. She still doesn't require much sleep, only cat naps, and LOVES, LOVES, LOVES her Mama more than anything, much to my delight (unless I desperately need a shower and she doesn't want her Daddy). My house is still a wreck, we still don't get much rest and my husband has still got to be the sweetest, most understanding man on Earth as I am still utterly scatterbrained and my time management skills have gone out the window!

Sorry that I've been such a slacker...it was totally unplanned and unwanted. If you know me, you KNOW that I need to vent my spleen on here regularly to stay sane. As I haven't posted since October, you can guess my current mental status. ;p Now, I think I've got a good schedule down and that I can post after P hits the hay most nights, so I'm going to do my best to get things back up and running. Expect some changes, probably in the name and layout, in the coming days and weeks...I'm hoping to get a little construction done in my corner of the Internet to make it more like, well, ME and my life as a mom (which is absolutely nothing like I thought it would be and better than I could have ever imagined).

Here's a recent pic of the reason that I've been a little tooooo busy to blog. What a cutie, right?

Sooooo, if you're still around, drop me a line so I know who I'm talking to. I'll do my best to stop by your abodes as well and see what's up in your world. Thanks, Kate, for checking in on me...you're a doll and were the impetus I needed to get back on the wagon. Hugs!!

Long Lost Blogger

2010-10-28T10:39:00.002-05:00

Hey, friends! I'm still alive. Barely. ;)

I hate that its been so long since I've posted. SOOOO much has happened and is happening around here...good, bad and ugly. I wish I had time to write about it all but, of course, I don't.

To hit the high spots:

*P will be 5 months old on Sunday. WHAT!? Yes, I ask myself that same question all the time. :) She's a sweetheart who loves to smile and laugh and talk and play. She is most definitely a mama's girl, to the extent that she sometime doesn't even want her daddy. Oops. What else? She is super stubborn and more particular than I'd like....ha!....has just started some solids and still doesn't sleep. EVER. That one week of good sleep was a fluke! We're still BFing with some occasional help from the SNS and have started a cup as well. We think the reflux is getting better...I guess time will tell for sure. Oh, and she's likely teething, too.

*I am pretty much losing my mind. 5 months of sleep deprivation will do that to you. :) We have tried it all...literally...and she just won't sleep. I find that parenting an infant is NOTHING like I thought it would be. I swear, I'm so tired most of the time that it's a challenge to brush my teeth everyday much less get us both dressed and out of the house for any reason at all. I feel like I am nothing but a complainer all the time and that everyone is as tired of hearing my sleep issues as I am tired of having them. But the doc says she's healthy (nearing 15 lbs. and 24 in. long), so I guess I don't really have room to complain. But sometimes, I guess I just can't help it. I don't mean to seem ungrateful...I'M NOT...but I do feel incompetent a lot where P is concerned.

*We've had a lot of medical issues as a family lately, which contributes to my stress level, too. Mike dropped a sledge hammer on his foot recently (don't ask!) and broke some bones, my sister (who lives with us) is slated for surgery in a few weeks and my mom's blood pressure meds are no longer working. I NEED for them to be well as I can't take care of them and P, too. My 80 year old granddad just had triple bypass surgery and is slowly recovering from that. And the worst, my uncle and aunt (their daughter is my closest friend) were in a horrible car accident last week where they suffered broken necks, backs, and limbs. It looks like they will be okay but they both have an incredibly long road ahead. It's a little overwhelming to say the least.

Well, now that I've dumped all my problems here (sorry!!), I've got to go. P is ready to eat and as her personal chef, it's time for me to go to work. :) Congrats to Lisa and Wishy....your boys are adorable! Can't wait til I have time to read up on you both.

Hope you're all doing well. Til next time!

A Few of My Favorite Things...

2010-09-21T06:57:00.000-05:00

Time is passing so quickly...it's hard to believe that Preslie is nearly FOUR MONTHS old! I have been trying to write this post forever, it seems, and I seem to get interrupted in some way or another every time I get started. Oh well. So maybe, just maybe, I can pound this out quickly with 'bullets' and just hit the high points.

*PJ is still as cute as ever (duh! ;p) and I still can hardly believe that she's mine!

*At 3 months, she weighed 11lbs, 6oz...a 34oz gain from her weight at 2 months. She has filled out a lot and looks like a completely different baby now. I'm looking forward to seeing how much she weighs at her 4 month appointment.

*We are still BFing and following some nursing sessions with the SNS (if she still seems hungry). At the most, she's taking around 5oz of supplementation (sometimes EBM, sometimes formula, sometimes a mix...depends on what I time to pump or if she leaves me anything to pump). The herbs are obviously (and thankfully) working for us! Yay!!

*P has put herself on a schedule of sorts. She eats about every 3 hours, plays for an hour or more after eating, and then naps (sometimes) til it's time to eat again. She is still not a great napper but that's okay because...

*She has become a better sleeper. Most nights. ;) Usually, she averages 6 or 7 hours, then wakes for a short snack, then sleeps for 2-4 hours more. On a few glorious occasions, she has slept 9-10 hours without waking...which was wonderful once I stopped having a heart attack upon realizing the time and that she was alright. :) I'm looking forward to those kind of nights coming with some regularity.

*She is still incredibly gassy, regardless of what I eat or don't eat, which contributes to that middle of the night wake up. Whenever I pick her up, the first thing that she does is pass gas in one way of the other...several times. Then, while she nurses, she toots up a storm, like the filling of her belly is pushing the air right out of her. It would be kind of cute...if it weren't 4:00 in the morning. :)

*Her reflux is getting better. I hope that we can get her off of the meds sooner rather than later...especially since our insurance has decided that they don't want to cover them anymore and it's about $100 a month. Whoa! I'm fighting them (and kind of winning...more on that later) but at I am looking forward to the day when she doesn't need them at all.

*She is a smiley girl. :D She's generally happy, smiles a lot and loves to laugh. She blows bubbles and 'razzes' and sticks her tongue out to mimic us. She 'talks' to us all the time, too! She's ticklish under her arms and it is a sight to see her respond to that! She already has some favorite toys, which she chews on constantly, and is always delighted to see a familiar face. She, like most little ones, is fascinated with her feet and will spend lots of time trying to grab them. She hasn't quite mastered that yet but it won't be long! She is also still enthralled with lights and ceiling fans and has just noticed the TV and computer monitor and likes them, too.

*On the flip side, she has got a temper to be reckoned with! Of course with me as her Mama, she comes by it honestly. ;p Seriously, she can go from happy to furious in no time at all, especially where nursing is involved. She is the boss and she knows it! When 'let down' doesn't happen quickly enough for her liking during nursing, she will grunt and 'talk' around my breast and hit at it til things get going. It is kind of funny to see now but I hope it won't develop into a bad habit later. She also gets irate if I move her off the breast to burp and she doesn't think she's had 'enough'...even though she'll burp like a champ as soon as I put her to my shoulder. She'll wail and flail and try to climb up my chest like a little monkey 'til I lay her back down to nurse again.

*She loves tummy time and sitting up ANYWHERE...her high chair, on the couch, propped up in the boppy...as long as she can see what's going on. Heaven help us if we lay her down for any length of time...that temper will start showing (unless she's in the bathtub, which she still absolutely loves). :) She wants to be right in the middle of the action and does surprisingly well in crowds. I think she's afraid that she's going to miss something! She has great head, neck and shoulder strength and can hold herself up quite well unless she's getting tired.

*She is trying her best to roll over. One side of me loves this, as of course, I want her to reach this milestone. The other side of me knows that when she rolls over, it will be the beginning of the end of 'infanthood', you know? Then she'll be scooting and rocking and crawling and pulling up and cruising and walking and going to school and graduating from college and getting married....AGH! ;) Seriously, she is hardly ever still when she's awake now, always, squirming and kicking and such, so once she gets the hang of turning herself over, I am gonna be one busy mama.

*Along with not taking a bottle, PJ will also not take a pacifier...which is just fine with her as she has found her hands. She started out sucking on her fists and has now graduated to her finger...the index finger on either hand will do but she does seem partial to the left one most of the time. We call it her 'Happy Finger' because she grins like a fool every time she puts it in her mouth. Me? I'm not quite as happy about the finger sucking but what do you do? She's a baby, so...I guess she's gonna suck her fingers instead of a piece of plastic. The only downside I can see is that when she's older, I can't just take her fingers away like you would a pacifier. Hmmm.

*P already notices us when we eat and will mimic us moving our mouths while chewing. Hmmm. I was hoping to hold out on solids til 6 months but I'm not sure she will make it. She is WAY too interested in what we're doing already! :) I have given her a sippy cup to play with and she loves it. I even put a bit of water in it the other night and she had no problem sucking it right out!! She gets excited when I put it on the high chair tray, so I think food may come sooner rather than later. Guess we'll see what the doctor thinks. I'd rather wait...

*Remember when I told you that I might regret letting P sleep in the swing in this post? Well, I can't say that I really regret it, per se, as it allowed for me to have some much needed sleep at a desperate time. Now we're in the process of moving her out of the swing into the bed or the crib. So far, it's not been the easiest thing I've ever done. I'd have no problem with her co-sleeping with us, but she doesn't seem to like it (and if she smells me, she wants to nurse all night...and will stay AWAKE to do so...and I'm not exaggerating). We're at the beginning stages of the transition, so I'll let you know how it goes.

*The only other 'negative' type of thing that I can think of is that she absolutely does not like to be in her car seat. It's not the seat itself as we've loosened the straps, readjusted all that can be readjusted, provided toys...even tried another brand of car seat. I think she just doesn't want to be confined. She'll do okay for a little while if someone is sitting in the back to entertain her but all in all, she's not a very good rider for any length of time. She will NOT just fall asleep in her car seat while riding, either. If she gets tired, she will fuss and cry and graduate to all out screams, but will not just close her eyes and sleep. It makes for some very stressful times for Mama when we have to go out alone...which, because of that, we don't do very often (and if we do, they are quick trips). I don't see any road trips in our near future. Here's hoping she grows out of that soon or the holidays are gonna be a trial.

*And me and Mike? We're making it! He is slowly learning how to deal with P, though it has been much harder than he anticipated. As an only child, this is a whole new world for him but he is starting to adjust. :) He loves P so much but just doesn't know what to do with her sometimes. He and I hardly have a moment to ourselves alone, much less when we're together. There are no worries that there will be a Preslie, Jr. anytime soon (if you get my drift)! As for me, I'm fat and tired and my hair is falling out. My house is an absolute wreck, we have no clean clothes and I desperately need to grocery shop. None of my clothes fit, I have acne like a teenager and I am growing chin hair like an adolescent male. Sounds like my PCOS symptoms are getting worse. Boo. The dog needs a bath, the lawn needs to be mowed and there are bills to pay. But, I have the cutest little blonde-haired, blue-eyed girl in town to snuggle on, a good man who doesn't care what I look like or if the house is clean and lots of family and friends who love us dearly. All things considered, I think life is pretty good!

What a Difference a Year Makes

2010-09-18T06:39:00.003-05:00

So, who knew that I'd end up with some time to blog so soon after my last post? Not me! As I've been averaging about a post per month, I expected to see you guys again around Halloween. ;p But Miss P decided to wake up at 4:30am and have a little snack...then I couldn't go back to sleep. Boo. But what do you do? Well, I don't know about you, but me? I got up and decided to blog a bit...after fixing Mike some breakfast and sending him off to help his dad with some carpentry work at their house.

So, as the title of this post points out this day is an anniversary for us...in more than one way. It really is our 5 year wedding anniversary (Happy Anniversary, Honey!) and it was one year ago today that we conceived our miracle baby, Preslie Jo. After years of trying and trying and losing and losing, we were finally granted the desire of our desperate hearts when we were able to make and keep such a wonderful gift. It still constantly amazes me and it humbles me to think of where we were just a year ago...and where we are now.

To celebrate, we went out to eat as a family of three. Nothing fancy, just some family time. I'm sure that may seem odd to some but Mike and I have had 4 previous years to spend alone...and will have more in the future...and it was important to us to celebrate the most incredible anniversary gift ever this year. Soooo, we were the only couple in the O.li.ve Ga.rde.n with a 3 month old chaperone...and that was just fine with us. ;)

Today will be a quiet day as Mike is helping his parents and I have a mountain of laundry to conquer, thanks in part to that precious anniversary gift (who I hear waking up even as I type) but that's okay. I'll take a hundred anniversaries like today...as long as my girl is here with us, it's always a party! :)

What a difference a year makes! I might have never believed it if it hadn't really happened to me...but it has...and it's oh-so-sweet!

SLACKER!

2010-09-17T16:29:00.002-05:00

Yup! That's me! :)

Just wanted to let you all know that we're still around and are doing better each day. BFing is getting easier, sleep is increasing and PJ and I are finally getting to know each other. She has pretty much set her own schedule and I'm (kind of) learning to work around it. My girl is truly a joy and sometimes, even after nearly 16 weeks, it's still hard to believe that she's mine!

There are SO many things that I want to tell you about but I just don't have the time. Here's a picture of my happy girl to show you just how well we're doing (and it was taken a few weeks go...she's grown so much since then!).

Hope you're all doing well and that we can catch up soon! Hugs!!

Failure, Success, Neglect and Other Updates

2010-08-18T08:26:00.002-05:00

So, yes...I'm still here. :) Thanks so much to NYC for checking in on us...you're such a sweetheart! I think about blogging a lot but just don't have the time. As a matter of fact, there's no telling how long it will actually take me to write this out, proof it, and POST it! ;p

I thought I'd try and explain my absence by letting you know what's been going on 'round here. First on the agenda:

FAILURE.

The biggest thing we've been facing is breastfeeding trouble. I think I mentioned in our last post (about a million years ago) that P was a constant eater, fussy nurser, gassy girl, etc. It was concerning to me but she was eating and having plenty of wet and dirty diapers, so I tried not to worry too much. When I took her for her 2 month check up, I found out that I probably should have been more on top of things as she had not been gaining enough weight. The ideal weight gain for a breastfed baby at that age is just over an ounce a day...and P had gained only about half that and had fallen from the 10th percentile for weight to the 8th. Apparently, that is a big no-no. She was and is healthy in every other way but they were concerned about her weight. Since she was already nursing about every 2 hours and for an hour at a time, she couldn't nurse any more often so their answer was, of course, to give her formula.

I have to tell you, I cried like a baby myself when the doctor said that.

Not that I have a huge, terrible objection to formula...I don't. But I just felt like a huge failure for not being able to provide what my baby needed, you know? And the breastfeeding relationship as a whole had become so much more important and precious to me than I ever thought that it would. When they said that formula was the answer, I felt like that was the beginning of the end of something special for us. I actually still feel that way and am tearing up just writing about it. There's nothing that can fully explain how I feel when those big blue eyes look up at me while she's nursing. It's the closest thing to perfection that I've ever felt and I hated to think that it was being taken from me because I was failing her. And, yes, I KNOW that you can bond with your baby if you bottle feed...and I'm not knocking it...but it was a huge change from our normal.

And just so you know, it is my problem...I am having production issues. The Fenugreek did help, but obviously it wasn't enough.

Fortunately, we found a bit of a compromise which is where I think we can begin the next part of this post:

SUCCESSES.

Our first success was using a supplemental nursing system (SNS). If you're not familiar with it, it's basically a bottle that has thin, tiny tubing attached to the top in lieu of a nipple. The idea is to lay the tubing next to my nipple and the baby latches to both and gets more intake with the same amount of effort. So, the docs gave me this and I must tell you, I felt like I had been given a huge reprieve! It allowed us to continue BFing and I could give her more, too. It was NOT easy to get the hang of it and to tell the truth, it's still not easy sometimes but it is a good thing for us. I started out giving her expressed breast milk (EBM)...and she took an extra ounce at the first feeding and promptly fell asleep and slept for 3 hours! Poor baby! I was starving her and didn't even know it! I have to tell you, I was relieved that she ate well and slept some but it made me feel like a terrible mom.

The hardest part of the SNS, for me at least, was when I ran out of EBM and had to add formula to it instead. I had to remind myself that she obviously needed the extra sustenance, though, and I pushed through...admittedly with many, many tears, though. This whole process obviously turned me into a big ol' crybaby. :) But tears and all, the SNS is a success because it still allows me to breastfeed, too...which is a good thing because P absolutely refuses a bottle. I have tried about a dozen different types, styles, shapes, etc. and she won't accept any of them. She can't seem to latch onto them because, regardless of the claims, don't feel anything like a breast. Duh...like plastic of any kind is going to feel like skin. And I have tried all the tricks that you can think of (and everything G.oo.gle has to offer, too) to no avail. Which, secretly, is just fine with me. :) Truly, even if P had taken to the bottle like a champ, we couldn't have given up nursing cold turkey. She nurses for comfort just as much as she does for nourishment, so she would have been just as devastated as I would have to lose that.

Sooooo...it still takes forever to feed her because I nurse her fully on both sides and then offer the SNS when she's just hanging out and nibbling at the end of the nursing session but she's happier for longer afterward, so that's okay. Sometimes she takes it, sometimes not...and that's okay, too. If she takes it, she'll still take about an ounce with the most she's ever taken being an ounce and a half. And yes, the SNS is a PAIN to deal with, especially away from home but we are dealing. And we'll have to find some sort of compromise because it's really not made for long-term use. But for now, she's back to gaining weight to please the doctors, she's still nursing for both food and comfort and the occasional formula is taking up my slack. The biggest upside to it all is that the added food is keeping her fuller for longer periods of time which has led to another success: SLEEP!

That's right, my friends...my 30-minute napper has gotten her belly full and will now take a couple of naps a day that range from 45 minutes to 2 HOURS!! Holy cow! Apparently hunger was waking her up...again, poor baby! And at night she will sleep for 3-3.5 hours, wake up and nurse (without the SNS) and sleep for about 3 hours more. PRAISE THE LORD...Mama is getting a little sleep! :) We're not out of the woods just yet and we have our not-so-good days (and nights) where sleeping is concerned but for now, the good days are outweighing the bad. Oh, and she's still sleeping in the swing most of the time but I just don't care. :) We'll tackle one obstacle at a time, thank you very much!

Also on the success front, we've been on several outings with the family without meltdowns from either me or P, I've just about overcome my anxiety about NIP (nursing in public)...as a matter of fact, I nursed P in TWO major restaurants during the lunch rush in the past week...and I can almost always fit time in each day for a shower. ;p

And I'm still working on my supply issues. Thanks to Brenda and her wonderful sister and their advice, I've added Alfalfa and Blessed Thistle to my Fenugreek regimen. That combo, along with more rest, has yielded some better results. Not stellar, obviously, or we wouldn't have need for the SNS, but way, way, way better than it was. I consider that a success, too, as I was apparently just about bone dry in that department.

Now, for the other part:

NEGLECT.

We're overcoming in a lot of areas but in truth, there are lots more that are just falling by the wayside. Currently, I'm neglecting my housework (though I am doing some better since P naps a bit more), my diet, my friends, my husband (bless his heart!), this blog (duh) and just about anything else that doesn't pertain to my little P-Bug. While I feel bad about it all, I'm learning that I just can't do it all...and that I don't HAVE to do it all. I still have a lot of anxiety about my role as a parent and I spend a lot of time trying to make sure I do everything as well as I can for P. I know that I'm not...and can't be...Super Mom, but I think it's in my genes to try. :) And if I'm being honest, I'd rather be doing for her and spending time with her than anything else. I still get uptight if things don't go as well as I think they should, if I don't have time to do all that I think I should and things like that, but I'm learning that as long as my girl is happy and healthy and well, that everything else just takes a backseat. We'll learn (eventually) to get it all together...all Moms do, right?...but for now, this is our normal. Our new normal...and I'm okay with that.

Don't get me wrong...I still get emotional about the BFing issue and my hormones still get the best of me some days for no apparent reason. P is still fussy and gassy and is not always an angel. My house is still upside down and there are days that I can't remember if I brushed my teeth but we're making progress. It's like at 11 weeks (Yes...11 weeks! She's almost 3 months old!) we turned a corner and those easier days that everyone told me about started coming around. So, take heart if you find yourself in a similar boat. Better days DO come, even if they don't come when other people tell you they will...and thanks to you, GC, for reminding me of that. :) I wish that someone had told me that those first days and weeks after P was born would be golden compared to the weeks that would follow...I wouldn't have stressed out nearly as much!

Well, miraculously, I've finished this whole post in one setting, thanks mostly to my happily napping baby who is swinging away next to me. I'd like to say that I'll post again soon but I don't know if that will happen, even though I want it to. I'll be back as much as I can and I really, truly am reading your blog posts when I have time, even if I don't comment. I do regularly check my e-mail and my F.ac.eb.ook, so if you'd like to keep in touch that way, just let me know.

Love and hugs to all of you and your new little ones (especially Jenn and baby Jack...congrats!) and to those who have your little ones on the way...and even more to you who are still holding out for your miracle. Me and P are proof that miracles still happen...you're in my prayers.

Just A-Swingin'

2010-07-28T10:15:00.005-05:00

I would like to thank the person who invented the baby swing.

Really.

They are my hero.

I know, I know...letting P sleep in the swing is probably the worst thing I could do. It surely makes me a bad mom, I'll likely regret it and will have a terrible time breaking her from it...yadda, yadda, yadda. Today, I do not care.

And I probably won't care tomorrow, either, just in case you wondered. Next month I might care but I'll reserve my judgment til then.

For the past few days, Preslie has taken to napping in the swing and she'll sleep for 2 HOURS in the swing as opposed to 30 minutes in the crib. Let me ask you: Wouldn't you gladly use the swing, too, if you hadn't had more than a couple of hours of sleep a night in nearly 2 months? Wouldn't you do it to give your poor, overworked boobs a break, even if it was 'wrong'? Wouldn't you give in to the power of the swing in order to get a little cat nap or take a shower or do the laundry that is threatening to overtake the house?

Well, even if you wouldn't, I certainly would. And did. And will likely continue to do. Rest is a precious commodity around here these days and we're taking it where we can get it...even if it is while swingin'.

Oh, and a big 'THANKS!" to you who commented about my BFing neurosis. :) We're still working through things and your encouragement and advice are so appreciated! I'll keep you updated on how that's going. For now, I'm going to continue taking advantage of the swinging sleepy time now and get some stuff done before my house falls down around me. :) Til we talk again...

While She Was Sleeping: A Speedy Post

2010-07-25T13:01:00.003-05:00

Well, let's see how much I can write while P'nut sleeps!

First a HUGE (and very belated) congrats to some of my fellow bloggers on the arrivals of their bundles of joy. Jill and her Hubby welcomed their Baby Girl recently and Little Dude, Liam, has graced Kari and Brent with his presence. Kate and her hubby, C, are very new parents to 2 new little farm hands out there in the wilds of Montana...at least I think so. At last post, they were headed to the hospital and we were awaiting news of the boys arrival. So, congrats, my dear friends!! I know that you've waited a long time and have certainly paid your dues. Enjoy every minute you're having as new parents and cherish each little thing. Those early days are priceless!

Some of the rest of you are getting so, so, so close to delivery! You're in for the ride of your lives and I'm thinking of you all each day, even if I don't always have time to let you know. :)

*************

So, Miss Preslie will be 8 weeks old tomorrow!! It doesn't seem like that much time should have passed, yet it has. She is the most incredible thing that has ever, ever happened to me. We are learning more and more about each other daily and she is a constant joy to me.

She is also constant work. LOL. :D

I am also learning that the older she gets, the less I get done in the day. She is still setting her own schedule as far as nursing goes and we try to work around that. Sometimes that goes well, other times...not so much. Since she started staying awake more and napping less, I have rarely completed one chore or errand without stopping for her...and that's okay. What else am I here for? ;p Seriously, it has made for a very messy house, little clean laundry (and fishing out of laundry baskets for what is clean), lots of fast food and convenience meals, infrequent and interrupted showers (complete with only one leg shaved and not all the shampoo rinsed from my hair)...but my baby is happy, so all of that will work itself out, right?

Well, I must admit, it is terribly hard for a semi-OCD'er like me to let the house go to pot and know that there is so much that needs to be done and so little time to do it. It seriously stresses me out. I'm working on dealing with it because I know ( I KNOW!!) that P and her needs are much more important and that there is just not enough of me to go around. Somedays I do good with letting go...somedays I don't. But we are surviving.

One of our biggest struggles right now is breastfeeding. I will tell you: I didn't realize how much I wanted to BF til I started doing it and it kills me to think that I'm not being very successful at the one thing that I (now) feel passionately about. Don't get me wrong, P is a champion eater...but that is some of our issue. She eats ALL THE TIME. And I swear that I'm not exaggerating. She nurses every 2 hours, day or night, for about an hour at each nursing session, sometimes lazily, sometimes aggressively but nursing all the same. Sometimes she's awake for the hour or so after eating, sometimes she naps, but when that 2 hour mark arrives, look out! She wails like someone is killing her til she gets the goods...even if we're in the car, the store...if she is absolutely sound asleep...she has that inner dinner bell that rings right on schedule. The doc and LC seems to think that by now my supply should be good and she should be nursing more efficiently for less time while staying satisfied longer. Not P...she's still doing it her way. She also pulls marathon nursing sessions almost every night where she will nurse off and on for HOURS. Yes, hours. My poor nipples are about to fall off. :)

We've tried Mother's Milk tea and pumping after feeds to increase my supply...and it worked some but not that much. We've recently moved on to taking whole herb Fenugreek in large doses to try and turn the hoses on full force in hopes that she will get more at each feeding without having to work so long or hard for it. My prayer is that it works because I NEED her to be a happy, satisfied baby just as much as she needs to be one.

She is sometimes fussy at the breast (but even fussier when removed), which concerns me. She is still super, super gassy regardless of what I eat and I'm not really sure how much her reflux meds are working. I'm considering some prescription drugs to increase my milk supply if the herbs don't work but that worries me, too. I'm not too much on medication, even necessary stuff, so where does that fit in? I'm trying to feed my baby the most natural way possible but what if I can only do that with the intervention of a chemical aid?

Parenting makes me a bit of a neurotic basketcase who second (and third and fourth) guesses everything I do. :)

I also have a painful ulceration on my left nipple that is a byproduct of one of our very early nursing sessions when she didn't latch on correctly. It started out as a small crack and has morphed from there. It wouldn't be a big deal except that because of where it is located, the suction of her nursing reopens it each time she eats and there is no time for it to heal. It HURTS (except when she is nursing...go figure!) and makes me want to give up nursing on a daily basis. I've had it examined by my OB, the LC and the dermatologist and there is nothing to be done except try nipple shields (we are...quite unsuccessfully) or stop nursing...or just live with it. So we are just living with it...but I will fully admit, it adds to my BFing stress. As does never getting to sleep or hardly ever getting to leave the house...but that's a story for another day!

All in all, though, Pres is gaining weight well, just under an ounce per day, so for now, what we are doing is working, even if it does hurt like a witch and take forever. And I know that I am putting more stress on myself than anyone else is but I really, really, really don't want to give up BFing. I don't want to supplement with formula unless it's absolutely necessary. But who draws the line? Am I being selfish? Unreasonable? Harmful to Preslie? When will I know what is 'right'?

Being faced with all this uncertainly makes me feel woefully inadequate as a mother.

But as I said before, we are surviving! I know that I've overcome far more than a nursing issue to get where we are today and we'll figure this out, too. Thanks for listening to me vent! :) Feel free to give me your input on the BFing issue...I would love to know what you think.

I hear my girl starting to fuss, so I'm outta here! Guess I had time to write plenty, huh!? :)

The Cutest Little Gal in Town

2010-07-24T09:58:00.005-05:00

Well. I don't have much time to really write these days, I can upload pictures with the best of them. :) Here are a few shots of Miss P at 8 weeks from the portrait studio at our local mall. She's such a cutie!

And here's something that I thought I'd never have...a family picture that included more than me and Mike, It's still almost unbelievable!

Hope you're having a lovely weekend, my friends. Talk to you again soon!

A Quick Hello

2010-07-20T16:34:00.002-05:00

..and it's going to be quicker than I had planned because just as I started typing, I heard P starting to stir. Oh well!

Life is wonderful...busy and hectic and tiring...but each day that I have with my girl makes me count my blessings over and over again. She is doing good and is growing so much! It's hard to believe that she's already 7 weeks old...and other days it feels like I've always had her.

She weighs 8 lbs. 8oz. now and is still BFing exclusively, though not without some challenges. One of these days when I don't spend all day feeding my ravenous little munchkin, I hope to write about it. One day, but obviously not today. :)

Her reflux is some better now, thanks to some new meds and some other changes and her other GI issues are beginning to right themselves. She actually pooped without any assistance on Friday for the first time in a month. Let me tell you, we did a happy dance!! Pooping Preslie is way, way happier than the non-pooping kind. :)

She still doesn't sleep, so that means that I still don't sleep...but that's a story for another day. What day? I don't know...whatever day she naps for more than a few minutes at a time, when my laundry is done and I've had a shower. Hahaha...that is currently the impossible dream!

And there goes the warning bell! Screams will follow if I don't get to my girl quickly, so I'm outta here! Later!

Life With A Baby...

2010-07-07T13:52:00.004-05:00

..is amazing. And amazingly busy. :)

Right now, we're having an uphill climb with acid reflux, complete with the uber-nasty spit-ups that never stop and that are currently gracing my clothes, hair and a monstrous pile of laundry that is awaiting my attention. It's just gonna have to keep waiting. Thank God for new reflux medicine. May it work quickly and be just what she needs to feel better...otherwise we're just gonna have to wait for her to outgrow it.

She's also dealing with gastrointestinal issues of the constipation kind. Some of my absence has been due to the fact that Preslie went 12 days with out a poop and we've been in and out of all kind of doctor's offices trying to see if she has a serious problem. Thankfully, she doesn't...her rectal muscles just aren't quite strong enough for her to do the job on her own, so...we have to do it for her. Lucky, lucky, me. :) Seriously, it isn't a huge deal and will correct itself as she grows, but can you imagine how you'd feel if you didn't go for nearly 2 weeks? No poop=unhappy baby=tired mama. And you cannot even imagine the gas. Ohhhh.

The reflux and the GI issues are kinda connected if you think about it. She strains to poop and the straining sends whatever she's eaten up, not out since she isn't strong enough. It's a vicious cycle, I tell you. Poor baby!

Consequently, can't you just imagine how embarrassed P will be later in life to hear this lovely story of her childhood? I'm such a bad mama! :)

What else? Oh, she also has an umbilical hernia which basically equates to having a huge 'outtie' belly button. It's another muscle thingy...her abdominal muscles haven't grown strong enough to pull it in yet. The only problem with that is that it leaves a 'hole' where the navel should be and we have to check daily to make sure that the 'hole' is still there and no internal organs (like the intestines) have filled the void. The doctors say it should correct itself by the time she starts Kindergarten...what? Anyway, apparently while it's not necessarily hereditary, several of my cousins kids have had them and they have gone in on their own way before age 5. We'll see, right?

Hmmm...and did you know that some infants just don't sleep much? Mine doesn't. I was under the VERY FALSE impression that babies just eat, sleep, cry and poop. Well, Miss Preslie has got the eating and crying thing down to an art...the sleeping and pooping, not so much. She just doesn't want to sleep. She nurses very well and then instead of drifting off to a peaceful sleep with her belly full and staying blissfully content, she opens those beautiful blue eyes and takes everything in! She'll often stay awake for an hour or more after eating. Some of the issue is the reflux but not all of it. Even when her food stays down, she stays up. For the most part, she's happy for the first part of her wakefulness but then, she hits a wall...and cranks up those lovely little lungs and fights going to sleep for all it's worth. Walking, singing, swaying, swaddling, massaging, bathing, rocking, bouncing, swinging, shushing, humming, riding in the car...you name it, we've done it. She will NOT go to sleep until she's doggone good and ready. I've never seen anything like it! Of course, when she turns those sweet baby eyes on me and coos and slobbers and holds my fingers, I think I could stay awake with her for days doing nothing but just looking at her. :) My tired body tends to disagree, though, especially at 3 am, which is still her hour of choice to be up and at 'em. And often when she does go to sleep, she doesn't stay asleep long, regardless of where she sleeps...bed, bouncer, swing, with me. Of course on the blessed occasion that she finally gives up and really sleeps for hours, it scares me to death because I wake up thinking something terrible has happened to her. We're a bit of a mess. :)

All in all, she is a good baby...just nothing like I expected. :) She's already very much her own person at only 5 weeks. And despite the changes, I wouldn't take anything in the world for her. She is the most incredibly wonderful thing that has ever happened to me, even if I do walk around with baby puke in my hair. :) She really is, on the whole, very healthy and is gaining weight like a champ even with her reflux issues. She loves her bath and her Daddy's voice and watching the ceiling fan. She is absolutely beautiful and has started to make noise and coo and it is the cutest thing ever. Especially to her sleep deprived mama who can't see anyway. :)

I just wanted to check in and let you know a little about how amazing life is with Preslie. There's never a dull moment, that's for sure! I still intend to write and tell you about our hospital stay (it was a doozy and not in a good way) and catch you up with what else has been going on in the last 5 weeks. And if I ever get organized, I have some more pics to post...she's changed so much that she doesn't even look like the same baby! I hope you're all doing well. I'm doing my best to keep up with your blogs, even if I don't have time to comment. Hugs to you all!! xoxoxo

Finally: Our Birth Story, Part 4

2010-07-01T10:10:00.003-05:00

So, I'm writing this a bit sooner than I thought I'd be able to after my last post, but P is napping the morning away (since she was up all night...oy vey), so I thought I'd try to pound it out before it's time for her to wake and eat again.

When I left you last, I was enjoying the epidural and had just FINALLY progressed from the dreaded 3 cm to a glorious 7 cm in only an hour. Woo-hoo! And I believe that I asked you to guess what happened next, right? I'll tell you what happened, I started feeling more and more pressure down below and felt like I needed to push within just a few minutes of finding out that I was at 7 cm. So when the nurse came back in about 20 minutes later, I asked her to check my cervix again. She didn't even blink...didn't tell me that I was crazy or act like I didn't know what I was talking about...she checked. And her eyes widened when she told me that I was already at 9.5 cm and was almost completely effaced! 2.5 cm more in 20 minutes...6.5 cm in less than an hour and a half!! Surprise!

At this point, I have to tell you that I was still pretty sure that regardless of my dilation, I was still totally thinking a c-section was going to be my method of delivery. Seriously...we were expecting a big baby and I just knew that I couldn't deliver a big baby vaginally, so I wasn't too worried about the whole pushing phase. I did tell Mike to hand me my make-up bag and my contact lens case so that I could make myself a little more presentable and so I wouldn't look like total crap in the birth pictures. Talk about vanity, huh? It really wasn't that big of a deal for me now that I think about it...it was just a way for me to step back and away from the potentially scary situation that I was being faced with, you know? I mean, as happy and excited as I was for P to be coming so soon, I was pretty apprehensive, too, since I was unsure of how things would go for me. You can read about delivery in books and watch it on TV but until you're in that position, you really have NO idea what it's all about. :)

Anywho, it was about 5:15am by now and when I got my next cervical check just a very thin rim remained, so I was allowed to try and push. So we called the family that we had sent home the night before and got down to business. And I must tell you, I wanted to push. I might have thought that a c-section was imminent but my body knew what I was capable of and was ready to go to work. So, I assumed the position...which, by the way, is not as easy as it looks on those baby shows. You're scrunching up something that doesn't really want to be scrunched into a space that there really isn't room to scrunch. I pushed just a few times and thought that I would DIE.

Talk about melodramatic. That was me! It was a lot harder than I thought it would be, even though I was doing it right. And by doing it 'right' I mean this: You totally feel like you're going to poop. Really. If you feel like you're pushing out poop, you're pushing the right way. And in case inquiring minds want to know, NO...I did not poop on the table as I had feared. :) But I did pee on everything because my catheter failed. And I couldn't have cared less if I had done both and then some...it was the very last thing on my mind and it will be the last thing on yours, too, so don't stress about it. :)

So during this trial pushing process, I noticed that my epidural didn't seem to be helping anymore. When I mentioned that to the nurse, she told me that, YES, an epidural can become less effective the longer you labor and can need to be 'topped off' (or increased) in order to have continued pain relief. I was okay with that for a little while...until we got down to the serious pushing. Between the contractions and the pressure and the pain that came with pushing, I felt completely out of control. I was crying and couldn't breathe and was rapidly becoming one of those hot messes that you see on the Di.scov.ery H.eal.th shows...the ones that you want to smack for being so over the top. You know who I'm talking about don't you? I can now attest that my L&D did indeed put me over the top and I was mad at myself for acting so...foolish? But I kept trying...for about 20 more minutes, which doesn't sound like a long time but it was...believe me! Once the L&D nurse (who was AWESOME) looked at me and told me that they were calling the doctor and that contrary to my thought, I was going to deliver my baby and NOT have a c-section, I freaked just a bit...then I asked for my epidural to be topped off.

And that was the second best decision I made that day...only after the decision to have the epidural in the first place. SO, the moral of this story is that if you chose an epidural, stay on top of the pain. If you notice the sharp pain returning, ask immediately for a top off as it can take a while for the anesthesiologist to make his way back to you...and I'm speaking from personal experience there. :)

Once my new drugs were flowing, I got control of myself and started pushing again. Just a few pushes later, they were having me stop pushing to wait for the doctor because P was right there! I could feel the pressure of her crowning but it really wasn't painful...and I would tell you if it were, truly.

So, in rushes the doctor...and I mean, she was rushing! They put my legs in those holding contraptions, had Mike and the L&D nurse grab my legs and told me to push. Two pushes later, I felt her head come out! It was amazing!! I was told to stop pushing so that they could clean her airway...and I did... and one more push and they pulled up, then down to release her shoulders and before I knew it, after only an hour or so of pushing, my baby girl was being laid on my chest and they were calling out her time of birth.

IT WAS ABSOLUTE PERFECTION.

I was crying and snotting and staring in amazement at my miracle...there really are no words to describe what I felt at that moment (or what I'm feeling now as I remember it). You have to experience it for yourself...and will be a changed person once you do. Love doesn't even begin to cover the emotion that I was feeling and still doesn't. :)

They took her to the bassinet, which was just beside my bed, to do her APGAR and check her out and clean her up while the doctor delivered the placenta and stitched me up. Yup. STITCHES. During her delivery, Miss P did a bit of damage on her way out and I had to be repaired in both directions, if you get my drift, because I had Grade 1 tears. Now, I will tell you that I don't know what constitutes a 'Grade 1' tear but it did take quite a few stitches to fix it up...and I was even more grateful for that epidural then. :) But really, I was so busy watching her and listening to all that was being said and done that they could have fully removed my hoohah and I probably wouldn't have noticed it! ;p

All in all it was an amazing experience...surreal, even. Thinking about it now, it almost seems like I was living someone else's life, except that I got the most incredible gift to commemorate the experience.

After all the initial work ups were done, the bed and me and P were cleaned up, my epidural was turned off and the family was notified, I had my baby in my arms and my hubby at my side and life was about as perfect as it could get...

And that's where I'll leave it for now. I'm sure that I didn't write this as eloquently as some or as informatively as others...and I know that it's scattered and that I probably left something out...but it's the best that I could do to describe the miracle that happened to me when there aren't words adequate enough to describe it. And speaking of that miracle, I hear her stirring, so off I go...

One Day I'll Be A Good Blogger Again...

2010-06-30T20:21:00.003-05:00

...but it probably won't be today. :)

Whether blogging is or isn't important to me doesn't matter...Miss P takes up nearly every waking minute that I have (and most of the non-waking ones, too). Not that I'm complaining! I'd give up my computer cold turkey to have her but it is a big adjustment for me.

Many of you have asked how we're doing, so I thought while I had a minute (she's napping in her Daddy's arms for a few minutes between feedings), I'd catch you up on the everyday instead of finishing the birth story posts. I mean, you obviously know the outcome, right? ;p

Preslie is a good baby. I am working on being a good mom. I am doing lots of things that I said I'd never do and nearly none of the things that I planned, but we're making it and so far, she doesn't seem any worse for the wear. :) Hopefully I haven't screwed her up too badly just yet. And I will tell you, the past 4 weeks have been NOTHING like I thought they would be, both good and bad.

The hormones have been outrageous...I have cried and cried and cried. Seriously, you need waders and hip boots just to come in the door some days around here. And they are not necessarily bad tears...EVERYTHING makes me cry. And I can't stop it. I cried today because I finally had time to take a shower and shave my legs and brush my teeth...on the same day. Seriously. :)

The physical recovery process is taking longer than I would like. I've got stitches on top of my stitches (more on that later...in that elusive birth story post) and I'm more more sore than I thought I'd be, even a month later. And the bleeding is no fun either. Just when I think it's finished, it comes back 'round for another stay. And feeling frumpy doesn't even begin to cover the way I feel...though I have already lost all but 10 pounds of the pregnancy weight I gained. Woo-hoo!

Tired doesn't begin to cover the amount of sleep deprivation that is going on. FOR REALZ. Sleep now...that's all I've got to say. :) I'm averaging about 6 hours a day...on a good day...broken up into a few naps here and there but no periods of sleep longer than one glorious 3 hour stretch the other night. It's more like 2 hours TOPS once in a day and smaller little cat naps otherwise. But who needs sleep when I can send that time with my baby? :)

Breastfeeding is absolutely the hardest thing I have ever, ever done. It makes labor and delivery look easy. I don't say that to scare any of you but I wasn't nearly as prepared for it all as I thought I was and I totally understand why lots of moms give up on it. Preslie Jo nurses about every 2 hours or so for about 40-45 minutes at a time, sometimes closer to an hour. Actually, it's usually closer to an hour. Then she naps for about 30 minutes or so, we change diapers and snuggle for a few minutes and start the whole process over again. That said, it is the most wonderful, special, rewarding thing that I have ever done and I can't imagine not doing it. For those of you who are going to give BFing a try, I say this: educate yourself now. Read EVERYTHING twice and then read it again. Learn the pitfalls and common problems. Build yourself a support system NOW. Other BFing moms, close friends and family, lactation consultants, your pediatrician, books, videos...whatever you can think of...and use them! I have a couple of good friends that have absolutely SAVED me in the past few weeks and I really don't think that I'd still be nursing P if it weren't for them. Ask lots of questions, get whatever help you need and whatever you do, don't give up. If I can do this as screwy as I am, I know that you can do it. :)

And if I can help you in any way, please, please ask. I wish I had prepared as much for breastfeeding as I did for pregnancy and L&D. I mean, really...BFing can last much, much longer than those things and I was ultra prepared for them. Duh.

Becoming a parent is most definitely a scary learning process! Really, I second guess most everything I do, though after a month, I am starting to do better. I can bathe her without crying now, I know that I'm feeding her correctly, I can dress her and burp her and try to soothe her when she fusses. Most of the time. :) And when I don't, I have a wonderful support system to help me through the tough times.

Anyway, thanks to you guys for asking about my girl and for keeping us in your thoughts and prayers. We are learning more about each other everyday and I am learning more about myself than I ever knew there was to learn. :) It is awesome and terrifying and I can't imagine my life without her, even though I've forgotten what my bed looks like. ;p I really wasn't living until she came along.

I sincerely appreciate all of you and hope that you're all still doing GREAT. You're still in my prayers and I'm doing my best to keep up with your blogs, even though I don't have the time to comment like I used to. Keep writing and I'll keep reading...and one day in the future, I'll get back to blogging again. And I promise, I'll finish that birth story sooner rather than later because I really do have some interesting and important things to share, especially with those of you who are close to delivery. But for now, my little princess is calling and it's snack time once again...

Finally: Our Birth Story, Part 3

2010-06-23T21:32:00.006-05:00

Hello, again. Before we start this segment, I must apologize that it's taking me so long to get all of this done. I mean, I knew that I wouldn't have the time that I used to once P arrived and I didn't think that I could bang all this info out in a heartbeat but this is getting ridiculous. :) It feels like Preslie will be in Kindergarten by the time I actually get finished! But P and I have had a tough week...more on that later (at the rate I'm going, it will probably be next year before I get to those kinds of posts)...and she, of course, has to come first. :)

I left us last time in the L&D room, trying to be calm and free from stimulation so that my BP didn't rise. The quiet did work marginally, I guess, as my BP didn't get any higher for the longest time, even though it didn't go down. I did get to visit with my mom and sister for a while...my grandparents, too...as long as we kept quiet and didn't tackle any subjects that put me in a tizzy. :) That was nice and made the time pass more quickly, which was appreciated since it seemed to be c-r-a-w-l-i-n-g at that point.

Medically, P was good and so was I, even though my BP was high. The nurses were working on getting the ratio of mag sulfate to pitocin correct so that my contractions were regular and productive while allowing the mag to still do it's job...and that took a while. Forever, it seemed to me at the time but looking back, it really wasn't that long...an hour or so, maybe? I hadn't dilated anymore and things were moving SO slowly that we told everyone to go home and come back in the morning since we were anticipating a long night. Once again, it was just Mike and me and P, hanging out and trying to be calm.

At this point, I was starting to feel the contractions but it wasn't too bad and they we're very regular, so I was making it pretty well. It was around 9pm or so and we were trying to get settled in for the evening. Some TV time was approved since my BP hadn't fluctuated too much, so we tuned in to the NASCAR race (redneck, we are ;p) and waited for something...anything...to start happening. And man, we didn't have to wait too long! It seemed like only minutes after turning on the TV that my contractions really got uncomfortable and more frequent. Yowzers. Since my water had already broken hours before, I could really feel each contraction since there was nothing to cushion things, you know? I was thinking at that point that I could handle it, though...no pain meds for me.

And that's what I get for thinking. :)

Pretty soon, the pain was quite sharp and I was struggling to stay on top of it...which I think I could have dealt with if there had been some progression with them. But it wasn't so...I had been at 3 cm FOR HOURS. No joke. Still, I was holding out on the epidural, though looking back now, I don't really remember why. ;p Too, each contraction was raising my BP...though not drastically, enough to be concerned. Soooo, to counter that and try and take the edge off the pain, I agreed to some meds through my IV...St.adol. Oh, man was that stuff good! Just ask Mike because his wife (aka: Me) was completely loopy on it!! For a little while...but when it wore off, it wore off quickly. It could only be administered every 2 hours and it lost potency after about an hour the first time. But it did work, so I got it again. Can I just tell you that that was pretty dumb of me? That second dose did NOTHING. Nada, zip, zilch...no relief at all.

Now, it's after midnight, my BP is still high, I am HURTING, my contractions are 2-4 minutes apart but aren't causing dilation...and I was fully convinced that a c-section was in our future. Really...the possibility of a vaginal birth was going far, far away in my mind. So, I called for an epidural. I have to tell you, at that moment, I felt like a failure. I know, I know...every one is different and all of us have unique tolerances for pain, individual expectations, whatever...but I still felt like I had failed some important test on the path to motherhood.

Of course, once I had the drugs in me, I was wondering why I had held out so long! :)

Seriously, it was hard decision for me but one that I'm glad that I made. Looking back, I don't think that I would have been mentally able or in control of myself enough to deliver P vaginally without some sort of pain intervention. If the epidural isn't for you, I completely understand...and you are absolutely my hero! I know for me, personally, I would have had to be Super Woman to get through the birth without it...and super I am not.

The process of the epidural wasn't as scary as I thought...or maybe I was just in too much pain to really be scared. The only thing that 'hurt' was the shot of local anesthetic that they numbed my back with prior to the actual placement...just a sting, you know? I did know when they actually punctured my spinal area but there was no pain, just some pressure and the weird feeling that you get when you know that something strange and new is happening to you. They asked me lots of questions about what I could feel and what I couldn't, where I could feel different sensations, etc. The absolute hardest part was being completely still while they found and pierced the epidural space WHILE having contractions. Double yowzer. But I made it through just fine...and was a million times better for it.

After my pain began to subside, I relaxed enough to nap, which was GREAT as the process had taken more out of me than I realized. :) I slept for a while and woke up feeling much better than I ever thought I would while in labor. Of course during all of this, my vitals and P's heart rate were constantly monitored and get this: as soon as I rested and my pain was reduced, my BP went down to near normal levels! Awesome! That made me feel better, too, since my body didn't seem to be fighting against itself anymore. Does that make sense? I did have to be repositioned several times to make sure that my epidural medication was distributed evenly as it is effected by gravity...that means this: If I laid totally on my left side, the meds would flow mostly to the left and it would be numb while my right side started to regain feeling. And vice versa...thus the repositioning. But it worked.

Anyway, I should interject a very important point that I learned during my labor: An general epidural DOES NOT make your pain go away (a spinal block, like used for a c-section does, of course). I was foolish enough to think, I guess, that it would make things hunky-dory and I would be blissfully unaware of what was going on down in the nether regions. Not so much. While it does dull the pain a lot...and like I said, it was AWESOME for me...you can still ABSOLUTELY feel the pressure of the contractions and are totally aware of what is happening. At least that was the case for me. I knew when I was contracting and could feel it but it wasn't painful like it had been before the epidural took affect. So, the moral of the story is this: don't ever let anyone tell you that an epidural will take all your pain away and make your labor and delivery effortless. They are a big, fat liar. :)

Now, here we are...feeling better, chilling out and waiting for the c-section that I just knew was coming. The nurse came in to check my vitals and my cervix and BAM! I had dilated from 3 cm to 7 cm in the hour after my epidural was placed. See if you can guess what came next...

Finally: Our Birth Story, Part 2

2010-06-21T13:28:00.005-05:00

So, I think I left us in our triage room, dripping on the floor, right?

That was an adventure, for sure. I was alone but not scared, just worried because I was making a mess. What? That tells you right there just how anal I am. :)

Anyway, I should backtrack here and tell you that I wasn't in any pain yet and wasn't having any noticeable contractions, even though my water had broken. That was odd to me because in my mind, despite all my reading, I guess I thought that my water would break and we'd be off to the races if you know what I mean. Not so much. And also, I could still feel her moving around...but it was different that it had felt before (obviously, since her swimming pool was rapidly emptying). So, maybe that's why I wasn't worried or whatever at this point, even though I thought I would be.

So, once I got into my lovely hospital gown and into the most comfortable bed that I'd find myself in for the next few days (the others weren't nearly as padded...wonder why?), the nurse came in and got things rolling. It was pretty routine, I guess, but here's what she did: first and foremost, she got P on the monitor, which was a challenge with my 'fluff' and her movement. But she was successful and it made me feel so awesome (and comforted, of course) to hear her heartbeat while we went through all the requisite stuff that followed. She took my vitals and everything was good except for my BP...it was high...but she wasn't concerned because of all the excitement and decided that we'd go through all the admissions stuff and then she'd check it again.

At this point, Mike was allowed to come in, but only after they asked me if he was an abuser. I laughed at that...I know that's not a laughing matter and that some people live in terrible situations like that but at that moment, it struck me funny. I'm terrible, I know...but like I was thinking about that at that point! Anyway, once we confirmed that Mike wasn't beating me, he came in and I got him to gather all my wet clothes for me and set him to answering all the texts and phone calls that had come in while I was dripping all over the floor. The nurse asked me a MILLION questions...everything from pregnancy and prenatal info to drug AND food allergies to family history to religious preferences. FYI: This is a pretty long process and I was quite grateful that I wasn't regularly contracting or in pain while trying to answer everything or I would have surely missed something...and knowing me, it would have probably been something important. So, for those of you who've yet to deliver, get all the info you can possibly think of about your family and his family and your medical history, etc., together, type it up or drill the info into your hubby so that if you can't answer all the questions, they'll still be able to get your info.

*We now interrupt your regularly scheduled blog post for the feeding of a little blonde milkaholic. Be back in a little while...**

Okay, now that P's belly is full again and she's napping, we'll return to the regularly scheduled program...in the triage room. During the whole '20 Questions' time, the nurse had to stop and readjust all my monitors a lot because P was a wiggle worm. They checked my cervix and get this: I was LESS dilated after my water broke than before! WHAT? Yup. It seems that the bag of waters was what was actually bearing down on my cervix and causing the previous dilation...and when it broke, P moved up and away from my cervix, causing it to close back up some. I went from 2-3cm in the doctor's office (at my last visit) to 1-1.5 cm in the hospital. Not exactly what I wanted to hear. And she checked my BP again twice...and it was still high. Like really high...160ish/90ish, if I remember correctly. I have to tell you, this (on top of being less dilated) really, really bummed me out, mostly because my BP had been stellar throughout my entire pregnancy, so I wasn't expecting it to be a problem. Because it was so high and didn't go down at all, I was given the standard treatment for high blood pressure during labor: an IV drip of magnesium sulfate.

Boy, did that change things!

I hadn't even thought about the possibility that I would need intervention for my BP since it hadn't been a problem but here I was, getting an IV started before I was even moved to the L&D floor. I must say, if my BP hadn't been high before they started that, it would have been with all that came with that. It wasn't that it was frenzied or hurried or whatever but they certainly didn't waste any time getting the drip started because they were concerned about the most major side effect of high BP: seizures. A seizure in a pregnant woman will most certainly cause harm her and the baby and is usually fatal for the child, so while the magnesium won't lower your pressure, it will prevent the seizures, so that was the rush. Well, hearing all that freaked me out a bit but I do think that under the circumstances, I held up like a champ if I do say so myself. ;)

At this point, they moved me to the L&D floor and transferred me off to another set of nurses. And I found out the other use for magnesium sulfate: STOPPING or slowing down labor in pre-term pregnancies. I certainly didn't need that side effect, so they had to go ahead and start pitocin to counteract the labor-slowing effect of the BP meds. Not exactly as minimally invasive as I had hoped, you know? But what do you do? I certainly wasn't about to chance the life of my baby to stand on principle. And other than the meds themselves, which made me CRAZY feeling...imagine the most intense hot flashes you can ever imagine then multiply them by 100, add in a monster headache and then throw up but still feel nauseous...things weren't too bad, except it made me have to be bed-bound. I was prepared to walk and sit and stroll and bounce on the birthing ball but with the magnesium and the high BP, they confine you to bed, put in a catheter (oh, joy.), make you limit your visitors and don't allow any sort of stimulation at all. The pitocin would have had some of the same sort of mandates (like staying in bed), but I wasn't expecting to have to have it til much later, if at all, since we weren't being induced after all.

I have to tell you, that was not what I signed up for! :) Even though we knew that only Mike and I would be there for the actual delivery, I wanted my family to be there and for us to enjoy all of the pre-delivery stuff together but it wasn't allowed, so it was just me and Mike hanging out for a while...me laying in the bed, praying for my BP to go down, Mike keeping everyone updated and listening to P 's little heartbeat on the monitors...

And that's that for now...P-Bug is demanding my attention. I'll tell you the next part a little later when my girl quits showing off her great lung capacity. :) Til then...

Finally: Our Birth Story, Part 1

2010-06-17T10:05:00.004-05:00

Well, I bet you thought that I had fallen off the face of the Earth, didn't you? Not really! As much as I love you guys, I've been bamboozled by my little blondie and just don't have much time for the computer these days. :) But I do want to tell you our story. Actually, I've been 'writing' it in my head for days but just haven't had the time (or more truthfully, taken the time) to sit down and type it out. It was SO different than I had planned...see, that's what I get for planning!...but now, I can't imagine it happening any other way.

Of course, this will be long and winding, I'm sure...and who knows how long it will actually take to get it typed and published. And I will probably have to publish it in parts. My precious little sidekick is snoozing the morning away in the bouncer seat at my feet...and as long as she cooperates, we're in bloggy business!

So, here goes!

Sunday, May 30 started out pretty normal. I was TIRED and hadn't slept well, which was (and still is) the norm. We played hooky from church so that I could sleep in a bit since we had had an incredibly busy weekend of cleaning and organizing and getting ready for my induction. Mike went to bed like always because he was scheduled to work that night...nothing out of the ordinary. After waking, showering and getting on with the regular stuff, I went to a late breakfast with my mom then we did some grocery shopping. Looking back now, I can see that regardless of my extra sleep, I was way more tired than usual, even for me, but I didn't know at that time that it might be an indicator of the changes that were coming...I just thought it was all of our work from the previous days catching up with me. Anyway, after shopping, we came home and put everything away...again, just the normal stuff...and I sat down and put my swollen Fr.ed F.lint.stone feet up for a while. Still being tired, I decided to nap in the chair for a while since I didn't have anything pressing. Now, usually after a nap, I would wake up feeling at least a little refreshed....very refreshed, most of the time...but when I woke up Sunday afternoon, I was still SO tired. And of course, I had to pee. :) (See what I mean? That's NORMAL. ) But I kept sitting there, trying to motivate myself to get moving when I felt the cat start rubbing against my feet. It kind of tickled, so I put my feet on the floor so he would stop and I sat up in the chair. Then the fun started!

I thought, 'OMG...I just peed on myself. WHAT? Surely to goodness, I haven't lost control of my bladder!!' But really, that's what I thought had happened at first...I had to go to the bathroom so badly and had just waited too long and OOPS! So, I rushed to the bathroom and there was just a little trickle, not the 'gush' that thought would happen when my water broke, so I really didn't know what was going on. So, Classy Kelli did what any sensible pregnant woman would do: I took my pants and undies off and smelled them to see if the wetness smelled like urine or not. (Hey, that's what the preggo books say to do if you're unsure as amniotic fluid doesn't really have a scent...and certainly not one like pee.) Um, so, there was no smell. So, I stood up, but nothing more came out, so I thought I was probably leaking some fluid (like the doc had warned me about), so I was going to call in and see what they wanted me to do. Here goes half naked Kelli, traipsing through the house (since my pants and undies were wet, I left them in the bathroom floor to go get some more by way of the telephone) and my mom walks in...and GUSH! There was that flood that I had been expecting! I looked at her and said very calmly, "Mom, don't freak out on me. I think my water just broke."

Well, of course, she freaked out...duh...but that got the show on the road! I called in to the doctor's office to tell them that I was headed to the hospital, woke Mike up and sent him to the shower, got myself redressed (for all the good that that did...FYI: just wear a De.pends when your water breaks if you don't want to get it everywhere because regular pads don't help at all because there is A LOT of fluid in there!) and we got everything ready to go. Thankfully, Anal Kelli had been in control and our bags were all but packed and the car seat was installed in the car, so we didn't have much to do but get in and drive. :)

On the way, we called or texted those who needed or would want to know what was happening and I tried to wrap my head around what was going on. I must tell you, I think I was in shock at that moment. It all seemed very surreal, like it surely wasn't happening to me. Hello? I was being induced in a few days, so this couldn't really be taking place in ME. Ha! It was and did and that induction had just been blown out of the water!

So, when we arrived at the hospital and got to the L&D floor, I was remarkably calm. Yes, me...CALM. We checked in, filled out the requisite paper work and they sent me to L&D triage, which was so funny to me as that's where they try to determine whether or not you're actually in labor. If you took a look at my pants, you could for sure tell that my water had broken...or that I was continually, purposefully peeing on myself! It was a mess...and if I had not still been in shock, I probably would have been embarrassed. :) Oh, well.

So, in the triage room, I was alone because Mike had to go check me in at the Financial Office (they're gonna be sure and get their money, honey!) and then move the car...important stuff, you know! Anyway, I was told to get undressed and put on the lovely hospital gown...all the while spilling amniotic fluid everywhere! It was a fiasco (which is what always happens when I'm involved! ;p) and there was water everywhere but I got it done...

And I'll have to leave us there, soaking wet and making a mess in Triage Room 3 because my princess is waking up and will be wanting her lunch posthaste. I'll try and post some more about our adventure when she naps next...that is, if I'm not napping with her. :) The most exciting parts are coming (and are way more interesting than wet pants ;p)!

Til then...

I'm Still Here...

2010-06-07T09:17:00.003-05:00

Thanks, everyone, for your sweet comments. :) I appreciate you also much and am so glad to be able to have shared this journey with you. And what a journey it has been...and continues to be! I wish that I had time to write it all out just now, but there is currently a beautiful little lady wrapped around my little finger (and that makes it difficult to type :p). Actually, I find that I've made incredible progress just sitting down at the computer while her Daddy holds her in the other room (of course, I can see them both from here and my hearing is now sonically tuned!!)...I don't even want to let her out of my arms, much less my sight!

I promise, I'll try and get my birth story mapped out soon. It was nothing like I thought it would be...and neither is this fantasy called motherhood. To say that it is amazing doesn't begin to suffice...

And to say that I'm emotional is the understatement of the century. Pregnancy hormones have got NOTHING on those that hit during the postpartum days. I just thought I was a mess before... :)

My baby girl is a week old today and it makes me wish that I could just stop time and enjoy each moment even longer...it is already flying by far too fast. Say a prayer for us today, if you will. Nothing terrible is going on, just the 'normal' rigors of new motherhood, I'm sure...but I'm not quite finished leaning on you all just yet. :)

I hope that you all enjoy your day today as much as I am mine. You're all still in my thoughts and prayers (often still in the middle of the night as that's still my girl's favorite time of day ;p) and me and P are sending lots of hugs your way. :)

Surprise! Special Delivery! Edited

2010-06-02T09:15:00.005-05:00

Preslie Joanna is here!

She was born Monday, May 31 at 7:23am,

6 lbs. 12 oz. & 20 inches long after 17 hours in labor.

She has blonde hair and blue eyes and is nursing like a champ.

She is absolute perfection.

We're home now and everyone is doing great. I can't wait to tell you all about it...and how she did things her way once again. :) And I promise, more pictures are coming soon...

I have to go now...I can't possibly not look at her and hold her and love on her some more right now. :)

This Week in Pregnancy: 37+ Weeks & Some Indelicate Matters

2010-05-28T17:14:00.004-05:00

So, my house is turned upside down with all the cleaning and organizing I'm trying to get finished and I really should be fixing dinner right now (which means that my family will probably be stuck with sandwiches or a bowl of cereal...or take out and I'll be cleaning all night) but I wanted to try and get my usual Friday post in here...as it will be my LAST Friday pregnancy post. WHAT THE HECK?

First, I want to thank you all so, so, so much for your kind words, cyber hugs and great advice. I think sometimes that knowing that there are folks like you out there to help me when I'm losing it is all that keeps me sane! :) Really, I appreciate all of the ideas and tips and such that you all left in addition to all the well wishes and assurances that I wasn't losing my mind. You guys are the greatest!

So, this week has obviously been a crazy week as far as the pregnancy goes but some of the usual suspects still remain:

*constant urination
*swollen feet
*carpel tunnel
*wonky sleep
*super duper nesting instinct (mixed with exhaustion)
*constant hunger
*heartburn
*lots of movement from P-Bug
*FEAR

What's gone away?

*SPD pain (I guess P has dropped enough to fix that)
*nausea

What's new?

*lots of BH contractions
*pelvic/cervical (??) pain (which has replaced the SPD pain, maybe? It hurts, sometimes A LOT, but not in the same way or in the same place)
*return of afternoon headaches
*Oh, and flippin' being INDUCED in 5 days!!!

Now, as far as that all goes, I am dealing much better today. I've decided to be constructive about things, do all that I can do and then do my best to leave in in God's hands. He knows way more about how this should go than I do, you know? :) So, I've done some research, weighed all my options, talked to the doctor and the nurse and the hospital (and to everyone that I know who's been induced) and am forming some things in my mind. For now, things are still set for Wednesday but I truly don't know if we'll make it that far.

Now comes the "Indelicate Matters" part of the post.

If you are squeamish AT ALL, still have morning sickness, don't want to know about this part, can't handle TMI today or WHATEVER, just click away NOW. Seriously. Because what's to follow here is nothing short of nasty and is NOT for the faint of heart.

You've been warned. :) And you know that I don't mince words, so here we go:

My body has apparently gotten the message that it is time to get the baby ball rolling because I have got some strange things happening in the nether regions. I've had crazy bad discharge this whole pregnancy (you were just dying to know that, right?), so that's nothing new to me. I knew that after they stripped my membranes in the office on Wednesday, that I could have some spotting or whatever...and I was prepared for that. I thought. :) Still, not seeing anything RED in my undies since, oh...SEPTEMBER, I was a little taken aback when it happened. No biggie, though. Also, on the 'No Big Deal' front is the fact that I now constantly have diarrhea. CONSTANTLY. But, that's an early labor sign, right? So, we're cool. Let me tell you what was not so cool: going to the bathroom (for what was, I'm sure, the 915th time yesterday) before bed last night, wiping and coming back with something that looked like pink, gooey ectoplasm from Gh.ost.Bust.ers. For real.

Freaked.Me.Out.

What the heck was it? Option 1: Mucous Plug? IDK...maybe. But it wasn't solid or like a mass. Is it supposed to be? Does it come out in...parts? pieces? strings? Option 2: Bloody Show? That might be it...but this is my first rodeo, so I don't really know. Option 3: Some random alien discharge? I'm not exactly sure what it was, but I can tell you this: It was pretty much GROSS and it kept coming and coming. I TOLD YOU THIS WAS NASTY!! ;p And now that you know that everything from my waist down is running like a fountain, I'll tell you that it has continued for most of today. It's not so much bloody now, but is most definitely still there, by the truckload at times.

So, you experienced mama's and those who are more knowledgeable than this girl...can you tell me what the heck is going on? I've read all the info that's out there and it seems like most things are leaning toward Option 2 (bloody show) but I don't have any real way of knowing, I guess. Does it only happen one time? Or can it continue? But everything I did read said that labor usually follows closely (within a couple of days) after these happenings. Again, I say: WHAT THE HECK?

So, my plan was to walk a LOT and do the deed and drink some raspberry leaf tea...maybe try the evening primrose oil and see what happened. And I still will, most likely. But I think that my lady parts might have started their own little party. That, or I'm losing it again, either of which is totally possible at this point. And who would have thought I'd ever willingly write about cervical mucus? Not me, that's for sure! :)

So, that's that in Week 37. Things are still moving...er, sliding...right along. I've got our hospital bag packed, the house is well on it's way to being cleaner than it's been in months and we're putting the car seat in the car after we eat the dinner that I've yet to cook. I've had a shower today and am wearing good underwear, so I guess we're ready if things get moving more quickly than we anticipated. And if they don't, we're still good (and I'll have the time to dust and vacuum just once more)...

So I've Been Thinking...

2010-05-27T09:36:00.003-05:00

...and we all know that me doing some thinking isn't always a good thing! :) After the absolute freakin' shock started to wear off yesterday, I started thinking about this whole induction thing.

If I'm being honest, it is pretty much scaring my socks off.

I KNOW that my doctor has my best interests at heart and I really do trust her. I KNOW that she is trying to do what is best for Miss P and I don't want my neurosis to get in the way of that. I KNOW that inductions are common and that I should probably just try to relax. I KNOW all of these things and more...but I'm still freaking out just a bit. Okay, maybe a little more than a bit but I'm better today than I was yesterday.

[And on that note, I have to send a HUGE 'Thank You' to my buddy Brenda who listened to my whinings and ravings and irrational fears when I got finished at the doc's yesterday. She just listened and didn't tell me I was going crazy after I had gone in for a routine visit and came out with a scheduled induction. Thanks, again, my friend! I really don't know what I would have done without your levelheadedness. (Yes, I do...some random stranger would have watched me have a nervous breakdown/panic attack in the grocery store and I'd probably be in some psych ward now. ;p) She gave me some great advice (more on that in a minute) and pretty much helped me realize that regardless of the next step, that I wasn't losing my mind. :)]

Everyone that knows us is super excited now that we have a definite end in sight. And I AM excited, too. Excited is only part of it. But it all got me to thinking: what if this isn't the best plan for us?

I was up nearly all night alternately being scared and excited and worried and some other emotions that I just can't name. I was sick and achy and had BH contractions a lot, which is probably great for the impeding delivery but it made for a long night. A long night with lots and lots of time to think about things. Good things, bad things, frightening things...all manner of things...but with no real purpose or solution or answers for all the unknowns rolling around in my head. I had lots of time to think about one of the things that Brenda and I talked about during my ramblings: natural forms of induction (things like BDing and castor oil and all that good stuff) and what other alternatives there were out there. Things that we could do before D-Day to try and get the ball rolling on our own. Any of you guys want to chime in on that? What have you done? Or what have others you know done? Did it work for you/them? I'll be doing my own research on the subject but I'd REALLY like to have your take on that. So, comment away, okay?

Reading back over this post, I just want to qualify: I'm NOT going to let my fears get in the way of P's health and well being. I think I sound a little nutso! :) The shock is sort of wearing off now and I WILL deal with this, whether I go into labor naturally or with home-remedy type induction therapies or at the hospital after my routine medical induction. I WILL BE FINE. :) But I wouldn't be the person that I am if I didn't worry myself to death about all this, research it into the ground and lay it all out for everyone to see, right? We've come too far to allow something like this to throw us off track and I promised myself that I wasn't going to lose it if it came down to this, remember? Guess that didn't happen as planned! ;) Man, those 'What If's" get me every time!

Thanks, once again, for listening to your semi-crazy, slightly neurotic blog buddy as I hash out the things in my head. I really do love and appreciate you all and value what you have to say. So say it, alright?? :)

Eviction Notice

2010-05-26T15:42:00.003-05:00

I decided to skip the Wordless Wednesday post today because I have something more much more newsworthy to share.

Preslie got her eviction notice today.

That's right, friends and neighbors. Although she passed her BPP this week with flying colors, her time of arrival will certainly be sooner rather than later. As in NEXT WEEK. Yes, you read that right. IF P-Bug hasn't vacated her premises by one week from today, next Wednesday, she will be evicted by way of induction.

Hole.Lee.Crap. I'm for sure having a baby by NEXT WEEK.

Although I've known this was very likely coming. especially since the GD diagnosis, it is still just a little freaky to me to have a DATE for her arrival. Whoa! It is exciting and scary and weird and unreal and just a little terrifying when I really think about it. I'm don't think I'm nearly as ready for this as I had convinced myself that I was. Guess I better get ready, huh? ;p

Things really are fine as far as our health goes, thank God, but the fluid levels are starting to drop like they tend to do at the end of pregnancy and the doctor thinks that 38 1/2 weeks is as far as we should push things. I'm also 2 cm dilated and 30% effaced, which is a good amount of change in the 6 days since my last visit. The doc stripped my membranes and manually stimulated my cervix in the office today to try and move things along, so it is feasible that I could go into labor before next Wednesday as well, especially if we do some things on our end to try and help my cervix along (if you get my drift ;D). But if not, that's the limit. I'll go into the OB's office for a fetal weight check that morning and be admitted to the hospital that night for my first dose of cer.vad.il.

Just a side note here: I thought a routine cervical check was uncomfortable until they stripped my membranes today and did the manual stimulation thing. Sweet Lord, did that hurt. I'll take a cervical check anyday! For realz!!

Anywho, after 6-8 hours of ce.rva.dil, depending on my changes (and what I go in at dilation-wise), they will give me another dose if it's needed and then start the pitocin. Then they'll monitor things from there til we see how we will both react to the meds. At least that's the plan. The doctor is pretty willing to allow me to go without any other intervention as long as we are progressing and the baby is handling labor well. Of course, if things stall out, if the meds don't work for us or if the baby ever gets into distress, a c-section will be our only option. I guess that's all pretty standard as far as inductions go but it's hard to believe that this is happening to me. I'm still not totally sure how I feel about that but the most important thing is that she arrive healthy, regardless of the method. I can tell you this: reading all about it in the pregnancy books hasn't even come close to preparing me for the way that I'm feeling now, knowing that this is reality in my world. I don't know if anything really could. What the heck!?

So, that's the story today, ladies. By next Friday, at the latest, I'll be holding my baby girl. Unbelievable...

Can I Just Say...

2010-05-25T10:17:00.002-05:00

...how incredibly grateful and thankful and humbled I am by the blessings in my life and the place that I am in now? All too often I get too busy or too tired or too whatever to remember to say that, to think on that, to live and love in a way that exemplifies how unbeliveably blessed I am. Who am I that I should be allowed to mother a child? It overwhelms me to think of what is being intrusted to me. Thank you, God, for your grace and provison and for the privilage of what is to come...

This Week in Pregnancy: 36/37 Weeks

2010-05-24T10:27:00.005-05:00

Hi, Ladies. It's me, your oh-so-absent blog buddy. I'm still here and everything is moving right along. Sorry that I was MIA for most of last week. There just don't seem to be enough hours in the day to get everything done...and, boy, is there a lot to do! I'm going to try and catch you up on all that's come and gone in a week, so this will be a LONG one...all you preggos, go to the bathroom now. :)

The nesting instinct has definitely kicked in (thank goodness...I was beginning to wonder)! Now, if I could just get my energy level to stay up there with the desire to get things accomplished, we'd be in business! :) In my absence from the blogosphere, I DID get a lot of things done...kitchen cabinets rearranged to make room for bottles and bowls and other such baby paraphernalia, the cluttered garage cleaned out, making it easier to navigate around the cars (to better manage the car seat, of course) and organizing the utility room to make room for all the extra stuff that we've acquired...extra toilet tissue, extra paper towels, extra detergent...you get the picture, as well as baby stuff. I have also done about a gazillion loads of laundry...ours, hers, sheets, blankets...you name it, it's been washed, dried, folded and even put away (quite a feat for me as we sometimes live out of laundry baskets 'round here!). I also got to spend some time with my friend, Brenda, just talking catching up. It was a good time!

I finally had the doctor's appointment that I've been waiting for!! So, now on to the baby part of this post:

On Thursday, I went for my BPP...and Preslie passed it with flying colors! :) It took FOREVER (nearly an hour!) to get all of her measurements, though, because of her positioning and well, because she likes to do things her way already! She is head down and face down, which is wonderful for delivery...not so much for getting measurements of her head. The u/s tech was great, P just wouldn't cooperate. Oh how I hope that's not a sign of things to come! :) Anyway, she has started dropping...so far, in fact that it was preventing the tech from getting some of her head measurements...some of the most important measurements for them to record. So, I had to drink some water, with the idea that if my bladder was more full, it would move her up off of it. No such luck. So, I had to drink some more water. STILL didn't work...apparently, Miss P likes her pillow to be plush. So, then they tilted the u/s table so that my head was lower than the rest of my body and that my feet were in the air. Dizziness, anyone? She then proceeded to jiggle my belly like crazy to get the baby to move long enough to get her head measurement.

Gosh, what a sight it must have been! Can you just imagine? Picture this: not only am I as big a house, laid out with my ginormous belly sticking up in the air, practically standing on my head, about to pee on myself from consuming what seemed like gallons of water...then they start shaking me around so that I wiggle and jiggle like a giant bowl of jello? I bet you would have laughed. I would have, too...if it wouldn't have made me wet my own pants! :)

Anyway, some combination of those desperate measures worked long enough for her head to be measured, and thankfully, it was normal. Right on schedule...for which I'm eternally grateful. The means it took to get that measurement almost made a mess of me, though! All the other measurements came much easier (thankfully) and were all perfect as well. Her heart rate was great (158 bpm) and I could see her diaphragm working as she swallowed and sucked, getting prepared for breathing. It was AWESOME. Everything looked wonderful...the baby, the placenta, the cord, the fluid...it is all just as it should be.

Can I tell you how incredibly thankful that I am? There are really no words...

And they are estimating that she currently weighs...drum roll, please...6 lbs. 5 oz.!!! MUCH, MUCH smaller than we anticipated!! :) Of course, they can be off by about a pound either way (gotta cover their own butts) but it is not nearly as large a number as I was expecting. So, IF she gains 1/2 lb. per week from here on out, she shouldn't be more than 8 lbs. or so. WOO-HOO. I don't exactly relish the thought of pushing a large baby out from whence it must come...but 8 lbs. is much better than 9 lbs. or 10 lbs. (which is where I thought we'd be)!! That means, for those who've been following me on the GD bandwagon, my sugars have been way more controlled than we originally thought! :) Thank goodness. Of course, that means that since she's still measuring ahead on the fundal height charts, I'm just FAT. (HA! Big surprise!) I can handle that, as long as she's healthy. I lost the weight once and I'll do it again. Speaking of weight, I gained almost 2 pounds in the past 2 weeks...not great but not terrible. I'm seriously hoping that the gaining slows down here at the end like I've heard that it can. A girl can hope, right?

The rest of the visit went well...routine, from what I hear. For those who don't mind, there's TMI to follow here. If you do mind, skip on down to the next paragraph. They did the GBS test...not nearly as traumatic as I had heard...just a quick little swab of the va-jay-jay area. A walk in the park, actually, after some of the other things that us IF'ers go through down there! :) And she checked my cervix for the first time. Can I just say that it was a bit more uncomfortable than anticipated? (That's a slight understatement, in case you missed that sarcasm.) I thought she was reaching for my eyeballs. Seriously! But it's all part of the package, right? Anyway, I'm 1 cm dialated but not effaced at all...what's considered normal for this stage in pregnancy. She said I could stay at this level for weeks. Oh, joy. ;p Miss P and I have had a conversation or two on this topic and I'm trying to persuade her to move this project along. We'll see if she's listening...or if she'll mind me any better than she did the poor u/s tech!

Since everything was 'normal', I'll go back next week for more of the same. I'll have a mini-BPP each week to check her growth rate (but not necessarily her weight), her heart rate, the umbilical doppler, the placenta and the amniotic fluid levels. The doc says it's necessary because of the GD and because of the aspirin that I was on for the whole pregnancy. What? Apparently, prophylactic aspirin dosing during pregnancy can cause low fluid levels in the final weeks, even after the drug is stopped in the 36th week in some women. How did I not know this? It won't necessarily happen to me, but I just missed that somewhere along the way. Anyway, the scans are to keep a check on all those things...and whatever else might come up between now and delivery. On one hand, I'm glad that I'll get to see her every week and know that she's okay. On the other, it's going to be KILLER on my checkbook as each scan is $250 and the insurance is balking at paying for them (more on that later). Who am I kidding? It's priceless to get to see my P-Bug so often! :) And if at any time, the scans show a significant growth spurt or alternately, a lack of growth from week to week, or if the fluid lowers considerably, we'll be induced immediately. Otherwise, since she's so much smaller than we had anticipated, there's no talk of a c-section for now. If she and the fluid don't have any issues, we'll just do this the old fashioned way, I guess. Not exactly what we were expecting to hear but I have no problems with that. :) (Ask me if I have no problems with that if I'm still pregnant in a few weeks! ;p)

In other news, the carpel tunnel is still driving me nuts...especially at night. I'm dealing with it pretty well, though, I think, as I haven't beaten anyone with my numb hands just yet (HA!) and I'm still able to do most of the things that I want without much pain. Speaking of pain, I'm having some of the hoohah variety almost constantly now. Stretching and separating and whatnot aren't going without notice. :) And I am having BH contractions now and again (like right now as I type!) but they aren't painful. Weird but not painful. And I've gone from being eternally constipated to the other end of the spectrum...TMI again, I know...but I'm hoping it's a labor sign, so I'll deal with it. The constant peeing abounds again (like ALL THE TIME) since P is literally living on top of my bladder now and I don't feel like I ever really empty it. Um, what else? I'm still keeping a food journal for the doctor and am still checking my sugars all the time (and they're still fine). I'm hungry constantly but am trying to keep my eating under control as I have to record everything. :) And the swelling. Oh, the swelling is something to be reckoned with. It's CRAZY. Sometimes my feet are so swollen, regardless of what I do, that I feel like my toenails are just going to pop off. I'll try to get a picture of that hot mess to show you if I think of it today...

And that's about all...and shouldn't it be? I've practically written a novel today! :) Thanks for hanging in there and reading about all things pregnancy related. I'm working a on post for Wednesday with more shower pics. Fingers crossed that I actually get it done this week. Hope that you're all doing GREAT and that your week goes well.

Oh!! Want to see something wonderful? Stop by here and see what's been happening in Cheryl's world. Congratulations, sweet friend!

When I Pray...

2010-05-18T10:02:00.002-05:00

I wonder if God gives a little chuckle now and then. I know that doesn't sound reverent...and I mean no harm...but when I pray for you all, I call you by your blog names. Since many of you use nicknames or initials or whatever for your postings, I don't know your real names...and that is just fine with me. But I think of you by your posting signatures...and so that's who I pray for. :) Thankfully, the Lord knows who you are and what you need, despite my silly sounding prayers. I just wonder if he gets a kick out of hearing me pray for you like that...

Anyway, that's all I have to say just now. The carpel tunnel symptoms are KILLER right now and typing is a bit of a chore (uh...that's an understatement), so I hope you'll forgive me for this short little post. I had a wonderful weekend at my showers and I'll post on them (and everything else, too) soon, I promise. :)

As far as praying is concerned, a few lifted up for these painful hands and arms would be greatly appreciated. And for my mental state, too. As we officially reached 36 weeks on Sunday, I've had to stop taking my daily aspirin, which is doing crazy things to my head. Not literally, of course, but I have the most incredible fears now that stopping that one little pill will damage things irrevocably right here at the end. So, say a prayer for me today if you think of it and know I'll be doing the same for you. Hugs to you all!

This Week in Pregnancy: 35+ Weeks

2010-05-14T14:27:00.003-05:00

Holy Moses...it's hard to believe that we only have about a month to go! :)

It's been a good week womb-wise as far as I can tell. P's moving and shaking and taking up lots of room, so I guess we're all good. There's not too much new to tell other than...

*I think I have the carpel tunnel thing going on. I've read in the baby books about how the water retention can cause fluid build up around the nerves...yada, yada, yada. Yup. It can! It's not painful or anything, just a little weird feeling. I'll be doing something and all of a sudden my fingers start tingling or my wrists will start hurting. STRANGE. And I do tend to notice it more often when I'm...shall we say...puffy. And when I first wake up, for some reason, my hands are kinda numb. Like I said, strange...but 'normal'. Whatever that is! :)

*I have days (like today) when I look a little like the StayPuff Marshmallow Woman. As if I'm not large enough, lets add some swelling to the picture. :) It comes and goes, though, and hasn't been too bad so far.

*The SPD isn't too bad right now. (Wait for it...wait for it...YEP. I'm sure I just jinxed myself and will hardly be able to walk after writing this. ;p) I guess P's growth...or the movement of my muscles...or the slowing down of the bone separation...or some combo of those things is helping. I'm not walking like a old lady toooo often these days. Again, mostly when I first wake up. I bet you've guess by now that I'm just a ray of sunshine first thing in the morning. ;p Aren't you glad you don't live with me?

*P for sure hasn't dropped yet. She is WAY up high, taking up all my lung space today.

*My belly looks like it has been inhabited by an alien or some other crazy life form at times. When she gets to stretching, it molds my stomach into the strangest shapes...and looks a little like she's just going to pop out my side or something. Mike gets a huge kick out of it. Me, too, I guess. :) It's definitely not always that perfectly round cute idea of a pregnant belly that I always envisioned.

*Some hip pain and sciatic nerve discomfort now and then but nothing that I can't handle...for now.

And I guess that's it. My blood sugar levels have still been great this week and I'm pretty much over the cold or allergy mess that was bothering me last week, so I have no complaints. :) I'm busy today doing laundry and getting P's stuff put away so that when I bring home MORE stuff from this weekend's showers, I'll have somewhere to put it all.

That's right...we have our final 2 showers this weekend...one Saturday and one Sunday. I will for sure be pooped after being so busy all weekend but I am really, really looking forward to it all, especially the shower on Saturday. It's for my father's family and all of my local friends and I can't wait to see everyone. Of all the people in our lives, these folks (with a few exceptions) know the most about our infertility struggles and our losses, so being with them at a time like this will be a celebration indeed! :) I can hardly wait!!

On a funny note, I bought some sandals yesterday in hopes of wearing them to my shower tomorrow. They are just simple sandals, nothing around the ankle, no heel, just a strap across the toe area...plain but pretty. I tried them on in the store and they fit just fine, even though I had to buy a size larger than I normally wear. No worries, I thought...that extra sizing will make up for any swelling in my feet. NOT SO MUCH. Last night after dinner, I went to try them on with the dress that I plan on wearing and I couldn't even get my toes through the strap, much less the rest of my foot. What the heck? Fat Fred Flintstone Feet...that's me! :) So, we're gonna see how my ghetto, super comfy filp-flops look with my cute little dress. That should be quite the sight... :)

(Semi)Wordless Wednesday: Baby Shower Stuff

2010-05-12T09:40:00.006-05:00

Well, we all know that I'm pretty much terrible at being 'wordless' and just posting pictures, thus the 'SEMI' in the title. :)

Here are a few shots from the baby shower that was held this past weekend and some of the cute little goodies that we've gotten. Of course, this is just a drop in the bucket as we are completely overwhelmed with baby stuff right now...but these are just some of the sweetest things! Maybe next week I'll have the gumption to photograph those closets that we cleaned out last month that are now absolutely overflowing with P-Bug's stuff...and we still have 2 more showers coming this weekend! Or maybe not. Who really wants to see my terrible housekeeping skills at work?

This is my goddaughter, 'niece' and favorite 4 year old girl, Zoey, opening gifts with me.

She was a great helper! My mom also helped with this part and was as enthralled by it all as Zoey was. :)

Zoey's mom,who is my cousin and BFF, Kim, hosted this shower. Another big "Thanks!" to you guys!

P-Bug's first bikini!

May she ever have the figure to wear one, unlike her mom who wouldn't be caught dead in one! :)

A monogrammed snack holder and sippy cup. What every fashionable little girl needs.

More goodies with her name or initials embroidered on them from P's Great-Aunt and Uncle. Precious...til they get puked on. :) Nah, I'm sure they'll still be precious even then.

A handmade quilt for P's crib.

I must tell you, this has been my favorite gift that we've received by far. Not to take anything from all the other lovely things we've gotten...they are all wanted and needed and appreciated...but this just took the cake for me. If you remember (or if you don't ;p), we hadn't picked a crib bedding set because we didn't find one that we loved...and I wasn't keen on buying the whole shebang when I didn't really want a bumper pad and some of the other unnecessary stuff that sometimes comes with the package deal. Anyway, I talked with my mom about it and we decided we'd just get a solid pink or green or brown crib skirt and some solid crib sheets in those colors and wait til I either found something I liked or whatever. No big deal to me, you know? Well, she surprised me with this beautiful quilt for the crib, handmade by her close friend, Elizabeth. Pictures don't do it justice...it is gorgeous and intricate and just exactly what I wanted, even if I couldn't put it into words!

Another shot of my beautiful quilt for my beautiful girl. Thanks, again, Elizabeth!

It is just perfect!

I was going to photograph the quilt actually in or on her crib but it's so cram-packed with her stuff right now that I was just too embarrassed to show you all my mess...and too lazy to move it all right now! I promise I'll post one with it all put together where it belongs soon.

And last, and most certainly least, a belly shot for those who've been asking. Be thankful I didn't post the frontal view of this pose...you'd need an extra-widescreen monitor to take it all in! :)

Big Mama at 35 Weeks

Random Little Tid Bits

2010-05-10T09:24:00.003-05:00

Good Morning, Ladies! I hope that you all had a wonderful weekend and that regardless of your 'status', be it a mother, a mom-to-be, a mommy-in-waiting, mom to an angel, adoptive or foster mom or spiritual mother, that yesterday was a good day for you. I was thinking and praying for all of you and I hope that you felt uplifted.

Today it's rainy and dreary and gray here...which also means that it is blessedly COOL. Thank goodness! I'm normally not a rainy day type of girl but I'll take it if it keeps the temperatures down as there's far less sweating that way. :) I don't have much to say today, so I thought I'd try and remember all those little things I keep forgetting to write about and purge my mind of the little bits of nothingness that float through at the oddest times. So, expect no rhyme or reason to this little post, okay?

*I cried a lot yesterday. Mostly good tears, especially when I was told "Happy Mother's Day". I've seen the "Mother-To-Be" type cards in the stores but didn't really give it a whole lot of thought because, well, I've never allowed myself to think much about it before, you know? It was overwhelming but in a good way. I am really going to be a MOM! Holy cow. There were also, of course, some other tears, too, for my babies who I never got the chance to mother. I'll never understand why but will also never take for granted what I have now.

*My baby shower went about like I expected. It was emotional for me, too, but in other ways. Regardless, P-Bug got some super cute stuff, like bibs and such with her name and/or initials embroidered on them (though I do wonder how cute they'll be once they've been stained by baby puke or poo :p). She even got her first bikini for next summer and our trips to the pool! I have a few pictures that I'll post from there later...even one of me and my big ol' belly. I know you can hardly contain your excitement! :)

*I can't sleep worth a crap. Like that's news, huh? I had been doing okay for the most part but for the past few days, sleep has been non-existent. Ugh. Maybe today with all it's grayness and rain will be suitable for napping.

*I finally broke down and went to the optometrist. I could NOT see at all anymore and was afraid of endangering my little one with my blind-as-a-bat self, especially when driving or doing other things that involved, well, SEEING. My vision has changed quite a bit and she could tell that there was fluid build up behind my corneas, typical of pregnancy. The good news is that it was easily fixable with a new prescription. The bad news is that it might not return to 'normal' after giving birth...it's just a wait and see kind of thing. So, we got some new contacts and are holding off on new glasses (as they are much more permanent) and I can see again! Woo-hoo! And do you want to know the best part? I'm going back for FREE (gotta love that word!) after the baby comes to see if/how my prescription changes again and to get any adjustments that we need done. Did I mention that it was FREE?? :)

*I have recently become the proud (?) owner of crusty nipples on occasion. Bet you had a burning desire to know that, didn't you? ;p Well, we all know that I'm pretty no-holes-barred, so you shouldn't be surprised that I shared that. right? After all, you guys know the most intimate details of my life, as in how and when and why we conceived our child...nipples aren't really that big of a deal after that! :) Anyway, it's a new and incredibly weird symptom that I had read about but not experienced. Not anymore! May it be a precursor to lots and lots of breast milk for my little love.

*Keeping a food journal is an eye-opening experience. Talk about feeling GUILTY at times! I just thought I was eating well before (and I was, to an extent) but now...I have no choice. It is really unbelievable to write down every little bitty thing that I put in my mouth and be held accountable for it. It's making me realize the impact of everything that I eat, how it affects my sugar, how it affects Preslie, etc. And how much or how often I eat...even if it's not a lot or not too often, be it healthy or not, it has to be recorded. Oy vey. I guess I could fib a little...No. I couldn't. First, it isn't worth my baby's health (or my own) to be untruthful. And second, being dishonest just isn't the way to go. Even if it eased my guilt in recording, it would kill my conscience in the long run. But I must admit that I was tempted to do just that when I overindulged at breakfast with my mom yesterday...but I didn't. I promise!

*All that said, my blood sugar levels have been completely NORMAL. Absolutely perfect. Never, not even once above the range that it should be. Makes me wonder if the good doctor jumped the gun a little bit with this diagnosis. Not that I'm complaining, mind you...this is good for me, even if it can be uncomfortable...but it does make me wonder. It also makes me feel better to know that it wasn't as bad as I thought it might be. Maybe this gives us a leg up on the macrosomia issue.

*Mike brought home a boat load (okay, a car load) of stuff for Pres from the in-laws on Saturday. It is all currently taking over my living room, waiting on me to find it a home. That little girl is spoiled rotten already and she's not even here yet. And another positive: Mike started talking to them about the hospital procedures and stuff. No major breakthroughs just yet but they didn't cover their ears and run away screaming. That's progress, I think. :)

*Due to the boogers taking up residence in my nose, I think I might be developing a cold. Yuck. Or maybe it's just sinus/allergy related. That is a distinct possibility as it was 91 degrees on Thursday and 61 degrees yesterday...quite a swing in temperatures. That often wrecks havoc with my head, so I'm hoping it's something weather related and not a germy, nasty, need medication sort of thing.

And I guess I've taken up enough time and space writing about all these non-essential things. I have to get some housework and laundry done today (even though I'd rather take that nap I wrote about earlier)...I was either too busy or too lazy (one extreme or another, you know?) to get too much done this weekend, thus it awaits me today. Where's that house cleaning fairy when you need her?

Hope your Monday is lovely and that it's the start to a beautiful, wonderful, incredible week for you all! :)

This Week in Pregnancy:34+ Weeks and a 'What the Heck' Moment

2010-05-07T09:48:00.005-05:00

Momma said there'd be days like this...

Hang on girls, it might be meltdown time again. I just can't seem to control it today. Ugh. That frustrates me almost as much as the meltdown itself...I hate being out of control. So far, I've slept spottily, woke up with a scratchy throat, had a crying fit at breakfast (and through breakfast that continued after breakfast) and am currently sitting here in my pajamas, thinking about melting down all over again.

I'm just a bucket full of sunshine today, aren't I? ;)

Before I begin snotting again, let me tell you that everything is okay. There's not too much new in the grand scheme of things. Some random nausea, fatigue, constipation and heartburn are still the norm. My face has gone from being as dry as the desert to as oily as the grease trap on the grill at the local diner. My nose is HUGE...I look like a pig. What a schnoz! I'm still sweating so much that I'm pretty sure I'm gonna end up sliding right out of my clothes most days. When I don't feel like crying a river, I'll have to tell you about sweating through my pants yesterday...

My sweet baby girl is doing well. She's just fine...rolling and stretching and moving just like she should. She did great at the doctor's office yesterday and even put on a little show for Dr. D, kicking and punching during my exam. :) Her heartbeat was great (160 bpm) and it was found easily and quickly. Her growth was fine...still measuring ahead, of course...but that's to be expected at this point considering that's her norm. It's her mom that seems to have the problem.

Get this: Dr. D is pretty sure that at nearly 35 weeks (34W5D), that this hot (as in sweaty, not sexy) mama has developed the dreaded GD. What the heck? Right here at the end? Wanna know what tipped her off? I gained 8 (that's right E-I-G-H-T) pounds in 2 weeks. Holy cow, that's enough to make this girl cry right there...forget the hormonal impact! Sure, there's some water retention to be taken into consideration and all that but 8 pounds is WAY outside of the accepted range, especially in just 2 weeks. So, that was the bell ringer that called for some more testing. She ordered another glucola and an A1C testing yesterday and their results will let us know for sure, but at this juncture, that's the probable diagnosis.

Crap.

I knew that this was a possibility. Brenda told me that this happened to her. I've read the blogs of other expectant moms with GD and have even encouraged them when they were down. And now look at me...wallowing in this like a baby. What a mess. I know that there are so many other things that could be going on, so much worse that could be happening and I'm grateful to God that this is a small thing that can be overcome. Truly, I am...I just thought that we had jumped this hurdle already by passing 4 (yes F-O-U-R) GTTs this time around, so it's a little disappointing, even if it's only for a few weeks.

So, I'm now on even more restricted diet (I think lettuce and water will be my staples until P-Bug arrives), have to keep a food journal and have to check my blood sugar 5 times a day with a glucose meter. Then I have to fax all that info into the doctor each day. I'm also supposed to take a diabetes education class, which I likely won't be taking...more on that later. Which is probably part of the reason that I melted down this morning. Since I didn't sleep well (bad dreams of huge, stillborn GD babies), I woke up feeling junky (and with a sore throat to boot)...then the first thing I had to do, after my requisite run to the loo, was take my blood sugar. Not exactly the way that I'm used to starting my day, ya know? Though I'm not a stranger to all of this diabetes stuff (my mother is a Type 2 diabetic and since she lives here with us, I know what she deals with daily...and PCOS/IR has already educated me, too), it has just thrown me for a loop. Anyway, the true meltdown, complete with snot and tears and all that loveliness, came when I tried to decide what to eat for breakfast. I just lost it...for about half an hour. I was a slobbery mess, all because I didn't know what to eat for my morning meal.

Stupid, I tell you. Completely off my rocker.

Because I do know what to eat...really, I do. It was just completely overwhelming at that certain moment. I think I'm over it now...typing this out has helped tremendously. So, thanks for letting me vent my neurosis to you. :) I know that it will be okay. I know that. I know that it could be so much worse. I will be fine. (Can you hear me convincing myself? ;p)

So, other than finding out about the GD, discovering an oil slick on my face, sweating like a sumo wrestler after a fight and being so constipated I can hardly walk, things are just rosy this week! Told you I was a bucket full of sunshine today, didn't I? ;D We do have an u/s scheduled for 2 weeks from now and they'll do a BPP to check on P's size. I'm really looking forward to seeing her again! But please pray that we don't have to deal with macrosomia, too.

Seriously, things are going to be fine. I have faith that God would not have brought us this far to abandon us now. I'm still pregnant with the most wonderful gift I've ever been blessed with. She's healthy and well as far as we know and she'll be here sooner rather than later. I have a great doctor who is looking out for both of us and has our very best interests at heart. I am going to be a mom...and there's nothing I want more. So, if I have to live on salad and the like for the next few weeks, I will. Suck it up, Kel, and deal with it!

On a lighter note...My first baby shower is this weekend! I hope that it will be fun and that everyone who comes will have a great time. I'm looking forward to it...just not the fact that I can't have any of the yummy cake that will be there. :) See, I told you I'd be okay!

Since I no longer feel like crying that river and as to not keep you in suspense about my sweat (HA! Like you were even thinking about my perspiration...yuck)...here's that story. Yesterday it was 90 degrees here. HOT. So, of course, I was sweaty. Duh. So sweaty, in fact, that when I got up from sitting on the chair at the doctor's office, that I left a buttprint. Yes, you read that correctly. A BUTTPRINT. And the back of my pants looked like I had peed on myself. That's hot if I've ever heard it! :p Don't you wish you were as hot as me??

Sweating It Out

2010-05-05T15:21:00.003-05:00

Holy Moses, I didn't know that I could sweat so much while doing NOTHING! I don't know about anyone else, but being pregnant certainly turned on my sweat glands. I am a perspiring mess! :)

It's about 88 degrees here today, according to the weather man and the thermometer in our backyard and I'm feeling every single degree...and I'm inside. In the air conditioning. Wearing as few clothes as I can and still be presentable. What is up with that?

I have been hot before. I have been hot and pregnant before. But it doesn't hold a candle to the hotness that today holds. Heaven help me as it's just going to get hotter...it's only the beginning of May. Wonder if too much sweating can send you into labor?

I'm drinking lots of ice water, staying as calm as I can, putting my feet up...everything that I'm supposed to do...and I still look like I've run a marathon. Dripping with sweat, I tell you. I even took a cold shower and was still sweating when I got out. How is that even possible?

Thank goodness that I don't have to go anywhere today. I'd probably leave a trail of wetness behind me wherever I went. Yuck. Of course, that doesn't bode well for tomorrow. I have a couple of doctor's appointments and some other errands that have to get done. What in the world am I going to wear? My swimsuit? I think NOT. Lord help the general population because I'm gonna have to unleash this giant mass of sweaty pregnant woman on them all! :)

Thanks, P-Bug for the sauna. Can we crank it down just a little bit, though? Your mom's gonna melt into a big ol' blob any minute now. I'm considering just closing all the blinds, finding a fan to sit in front of and stripping down to my undies. Really. Do you want your mom to be that kind of woman? 'Cause I'm rapidly headed that direction. What a sight that would be! :D

A Nasty Little Letter

2010-05-03T21:18:00.000-05:00

Yes, you read that correctly. This is a nasty note to one of my least favorite people, my MIL. I am pretty steamed with her right now and so, I'm sure, that there will be some not nice things going on in this missive. I know that's not my usual way but I'll likely blow my top if I don't get this poison out. And don't worry...I'm not really going to send this letter (as much as I might like to). Sorry if my forwardness offends any of you. You can always just skip this post if that's the case.

*****

Dear MIL,

I know that you and I are not close, not even a little bit. Oh, you like to pretend in front of others that you know me and like me and that we're one big happy family but we both know that's not really the case. If the truth be told, everyone else knows it, too, since you tend to have not-so-nice things to say about me when I'm not around...then you act like my BFF when I walk (okay, waddle) into the room.

Anyway, despite our emotional distance and past conflicts, I try to be tolerant of you and your husband because you are, after all, my husband's parents and will be the grandparents to my baby girl. And that's what this little is about. We need to have a little discussion about her...my sweet Preslie...and all the things that are going to be happening in the coming weeks. Since you won't listen to me or Mike and you seem to think that we don't have a brain between us, I thought I'd write all of this out so that it doesn't explode inside me and hurt someone. At this juncture, I don't really care if you listen to what I have to say or not (and seeing as that you won't ever read this, it really is just for my sanity), but it's imperative that I get this off of my chest. My hormones are raging already and you're not helping matters any.

First, you cannot buy our love. Or Preslie's love. While we are super, super appreciative of all the wonderful little things that you've gotten her, they cannot come with strings attached. There will be no, "Well, we bought this, so you owe us that". Oh, no...it won't work that way. If you want to buy things for your grandchild and try to impress others with how much you've spent on her, that's your prerogative. But it won't make us (or her) like or love you any more or less. And if you continue to try that drama, you'll be the one who winds up with regret. She is a baby, not a bargaining chip.

I know that you are excited that you're going to have a granddaughter. And I am glad that you're happy about it, truly. I can honestly say that I don't love that it will mean that I have to spend more time with you personally, but I am grateful that you are looking forward to her arrival. Which brings us to this next point. I don't know exactly when she's coming just yet. This hasn't changed since you had a baby...babies arrive on their own schedule most of the time and calling and asking constantly won't change that. Even if we have to be induced, she's not going to pop right out on command. It will still take hours. HOURS. Did you read that? It's not likely that you will miss being there...in the waiting room, of course...when she's born. And you can't come sit right on top of me while I have my cervix checked, either. You will have to sit in the waiting room then, too. The small, cramped waiting room that is not even close to the L&D room where I will be doing all the work. Everyone else will be there with you, so you and FIL won't be alone. I know that it is your 'thing' when someone is in the hospital to just go and stay for the duration, regardless of how long that is. YOU CANNOT DO THAT THIS TIME. There is not enough room (or enough patience in the world) for you to be by my side for days and days on end. You cannot bring your blankets or pillows or freakin' cooler full of food and drinks (oh, yes...they've really done this before!) and camp out in my room...or the waiting room for that matter. You live 45 minutes away. Come for the birth. GO HOME. Come to visit the baby. GO HOME. I know that may be a hard concept for you, so start thinking about it now. If we go into the hospital on a Sunday, labor for hours and hours, finally have the baby (possibly via c-section) and are in there for recovery til Tuesday or Wednesday, you CANNOT show up on Sunday night and stay til we go home, whatever day that may be. Just so we're clear.

And you'll have to understand that you will not be the only people who want to see us. You are only one set of grandparents. While you are important, there are other grandparents, great-grandparents, aunts, uncles, great-aunts, great-uncles, cousins of all varieties, friends and neighbors who have just as much desire to come visit us, too. And we want them to! As the hospital policy states, only 2 visitors are allowed in the L&D room at a time. That means that you, yes...YOU, will have to take turns with other people, like say MY mom and MY sister and MY grandmothers, who I care far more about seeing while I'm laboring than I do you. And if you won't go, I'll have you removed. Don't doubt me. I will do it. Seriously, you are not going to make Preslie's birth a point of stress for me. And once she arrives, we are not going to call you into the room immediately. My husband and I are going to spend some quality time with our daughter first before the masses descend. And you are not going to get all pouty and whiny and loud if you are not the first one to hold her. If you do, I'll see that you're the very last one. I know how you operate and I can be just as hard nosed as you are. I know that's probably not the right thing to do or way to act in this situation but since you don't listen to reason or deal well with not having things YOUR way, that's the way I might have to be. Of course, if you'll just act normal, none of this will be necessary.

Once we get home, we're going to be dealing with some other issues, so we might as well cover them here, too. You are NOT coming to stay with us after Preslie is born. I don't think I can make it any clearer than that. I don't need you to. Sounds mean and nasty doesn't it? I don't mean to sound that way but it's the truth. My own mother and sister live in the same house as us. I know that is already an issue with you but you're just going to have to get over it as it's not changing. And since we'll already have four adults in the house to care for one baby, we won't need live-in help. Not on the first day...not on the second day...not on the 145th day. Of course, you should come and see her, see Mike, when we get home. We want you to. But this is going to be just like the hospital. Come visit. GO HOME. Our home is too small...and our extended family and network of friends too large...for you to take up residence on our sofa for any length of time. While it will be a wonderful time of getting to hold and look at the sweetness that is our baby girl, that's all that it really will be. She'll sleep and eat...and that's really all for the first several days. Since you can't feed her if I'm breastfeeding and she can't constantly sleep in someone's arms, there truly won't be a need for your continual presence at my house. There is no where and no need for you to stay 24 hours per day. Again, come visit. GO HOME. Come visit another day. GO HOME. That's just the way it works.

Next, once we're up and around and ready for doing things outside of our home, your house will probably not be the first place that we go. While we will, of course, visit when we can, you will have to understand that you aren't the only folks who will want to continue seeing Preslie. We will have other people to visit, other things to do and we will want to spend some time together as a family of 3. Whether it's mundane stuff like errands or doctor visits, fun stuff like the zoo or the mall or family stuff like visiting and the like, it might not include you. Actually, it likely won't include you. We will be our own family...that is the way things are supposed to be. Start getting used to that now. We might not be able to come whenever you call, just for the sake of coming...that's just the way it is. You live 45 minutes away. You're going to have to deal with the fact that you won't be the person we turn to first if I need to run out and get a gallon of milk while she's sleeping. That's just insane. And please, please, please for the love of the tiny baby Jesus, don't start in again about when you can babysit her or when she'll be able to come spend the night or the weekend. It gives me a headache (closely followed by a panic attack) just thinking about that. It will be far, far, far into the future, so don't put it on the calendar just yet.

I know and am fully aware that this letter makes me sound cold and callous and unfeeling towards you right now. That just can't be helped today. You upset me by calling constantly and giving Mike the third degree...by laying on the guilt trips and treating us like we're a bunch of idiots. We are not. Once you realize that your son isn't just like you and that it's okay that we have a mind and plans of our own that might not include you, things will go much smoother. It's wonderful that you're excited about Preslie...again, I say that I am glad about that...and I know that you'll be a part of her life. But you have got to give a little here. Things concerning her aren't always going to be done your way or in your time or the way that you think is right. WE are her parents, not you. There's no need for things to be in such upheaval before she even arrives, so chill the heck out, okay? When it's time, we'll call you. When we're at the hospital, come see us. Once we get home, stop by. We'll visit when we can, as often as we can. No one's trying to cut you out of the picture here, so quit being so selfish. Please.

It's as simple as that, if you'll just let it be.

Sincerely,
Your Witch of a Daughter-In-Law Who Doesn't Bow To Your Every Whim

What a Weekend!

2010-05-03T08:51:00.002-05:00

WOW. Can I just say that this weekend didn't go nearly as well as I had hoped? I had plans, man...plans to get stuff done. Yeah, that didn't really happen. And not even because I was lazy or tired or of any fault of my own.

Blame it all on Mother Nature. She showed up here in all her fury on Friday night and decided not to leave til yesterday around midday. Did I mention that she was soooo not invited? That's because I had things to do...shopping and errands and organizing and cleaning, yard work, too...as well as fun stuff like going to our town's annual family fair and doing some baby shopping with my mom. Not too much of that could be done inside the house, ya know? Well, as it were, none of it could be done outside the house, either, as the weather was completely uncooperative.

It rained. Not a little. Like 13 inches or so in my back yard...much more in some places.

It stormed. Thunder and lightning and winds accompanied that rain.

It flooded. It covered streets, even closed the interstate system in some places, and ruined homes and businesses and schools.

It blew. There were tornado watches and warnings and sightings all weekend long. The sirens went off almost constantly for nearly 2 days.

It devastated. Flood waters did serious damage to some local landmarks. Homes of our friends in Arkansas were completely destroyed by tornadoes. One of their neighbors lost her life. No, devastation doesn't cover it.

It was a terrible weekend, weather wise. When I think about how blessed we were to not have any damage at all, it is truly humbling. Sure, we were inconvenienced by it, annoyed by it, bothered by it...I was absolutely stir-crazy by lunchtime yesterday...but we really have nothing to complain about.

Thank goodness we are all safe.

But I do have one request for Mother Nature, as selfish as it may be: Please don't visit us again for a while. Like a L-O-N-G while. Please? I know it's spring and that's the time you show yourself around these parts but could you just put it away for this year? I have a lot going on in the coming weeks, like baby showers and, I don't know, the arrival of my little P-Bug. I would really love to enjoy those things without being blown away or needing a boat to get to the hospital. That's not too much to ask, is it? :)

This Week in Pregnancy: 33+ Weeks

2010-04-30T21:43:00.003-05:00

Here we are again...Friday! It's been a pretty quiet week around the womb. No news is good news, right? I think so. Of course, I am still:

*Completely OCD about checking her movements. Even more so now after reading about the tragedy that Kate's friend suffered at 34 weeks. What absolute horror...I cannot even imagine what she is going through. God forbid. Learning about her loss has kept me on my knees this week, even more than usual both for her and her family, as well as for us.

*Dealing with fatigue, constant heartburn, random nausea, out-of-control emotions and 'minor' and 'not-so-minor' SPD pain. Oh, and having to pee all the time...no exaggeration. I had to go to the bathroom 4 times during a short trip to the grocery store the other day. There is no help for it. Maybe I should start wearing De.pen.ds. ;p

Also this week:

*The constipation is back. I have so not missed this part of things.

*Miss P tends to tell me when I can and can't eat...and how much. When she's up higher in my belly, there's not much room for food. It will only take a few bites of whatever I'm having to fill me up. But lock down the pantry when she moves down! I go from feeling as full as can be to starving in no time. :) It's kinda funny.

*An extreme craving for sweets. I have a confession to make: I ate cookies for both breakfast and lunch yesterday. And for a snack. They were sugar-free, of course, but that doesn't help the healthy factor any. That was all that I wanted and nothing else would satisfy. I did have a big salad for dinner but it didn't hold a candle to my cookies. :)

*Wonky sleep is back. See, you didn't need to be jealous of my one night of super good sleep on Sunday night. It didn't last. :)

And that's it, I guess. I can't remember half of the things that I was going to write about, so the absentmindedness is still with me as well! It does feel absolutely unreal that P could be here in as little as a month. What the heck!! Time is flying by now. It took us so long to get here that it's still hard to believe sometimes that this is really happening to me! :)

Fighting With 'The Man'

2010-04-29T09:30:00.004-05:00

No...not Mike. He wouldn't fight with me for just about any reason...it's just not in his genes. No, I'm fighting with good ol' Blo.gger.

And he is winning. I think. Maybe. I hope not!

I haven't purposely been MIA this week but 'The Man' hasn't been very nice to me. Every time my Dashboard pops up, I can see all your lovely posts but when I click on them, most of the time I get an error message that says something to the effect of "Blo.gger cannot follow that link at this time." WHAT?

Or if I can actually get where I'm trying to go (like say, YOUR blogs), whenever I try to comment, I get another error message, complete with letters and numbers and instructions to go to the Blo.gger Help site. So, being the follower and semi-illiterate computer user that I am, I did that. All it said was that it was a problem on their behalf and that they were working to fix it. Gee, thanks!

GRRRR.

Now, I know that no one or nothing is perfect. And although my dear Blo.gger is a computer based thingy, it's run somewhere, some how by humans, so mistakes and problems and issues are inevitable. But come on! I spent forever trying to read my favorite pages, only to be denied...or wrote out comments on people's situations that disappeared into thin cyber-space air. Get it fixed already.

So, this morning, I hop on with fingers crossed. And TA-DA!! It seems to be fixed. Woo-hoo!! :) Now, of course, I don't have the time to go back and reread things and re-comment on things and try to catch up on all that I missed this week in one day. SOOO...if you didn't get a comment from me this week, I'll tell you this:

I've read all that I could. I've commiserated with you. I've laughed with those who had a funny story. I cried buckets of tears for and with those of you who are facing hardship...and who's friends and family have met with tragedy in recent days. I couldn't be sorrier for you. I've sighed over injustices and been angered by those same injustices and the situations that they've put you in. I've celebrated birthdays and anniversaries and new births...and I've cooed over your newest baby pictures. I've revelled in your good news and wept with joy for those of you who are finally on the road you've waited so long to be on. I've hurt for those who are still having to wait...for medical intervention, for answers, for direction, for finances to straighten out. I'm standing with those who made hard decisions and am enjoying reading about your everyday lives. And as always, I'm praying and believing for each of you in your individual situations. Me and Miss P are currently spending the hours of 2:30am to 4:30am or 5am with you on our hearts (as she won't let me sleep at that time). So, she kicks and rolls and parties...and I pray and think of you guys.

Hope that you're having a good week, wherever you are, and that 'The Man' has been nicer to you than he's been to me. I'll do my best to get caught up, I promise. Until tomorrow...

Quiet

2010-04-26T08:59:00.003-05:00

What a busy, busy weekend!! Though it might seem like an odd thing to say, I am so glad that it's Monday! I needed this day to come so that I could take a break. :)

While the past few days have been great, they have been so busy. Good busy, but busy nonetheless. On Friday, my best friend and cousin, Kim, graduated from nursing school. Way to go, Kim! I am so proud of her. Going back to school with a family and kids and other responsibilities had to be overwhelming at times but she did it...and did it well! Her graduation ceremony was Friday evening and it was a lovely thing. The weather in our neck of the woods was nasty...rain, hail, high winds...but that didn't detract at all from the celebration. It was an awesome time and Mike and I were so glad that we got to share it with her and her family.

Saturday was busy, too. (I know, I need to check the thesaurus for another word for 'busy' ;p) After a night of very little sleep...ugh...and being awakened far too early by a hail storm, there were still what seemed like a thousand things to do that day. Errands to run, groceries to buy, laundry to do...a typical Saturday, except that we had already had a busy Friday and a sleepless night, so it was a harder day than usual. And the weather was still a mess...stormy and nasty and HOT. Not a good combo! Then, Kim and her sweet family came over Saturday afternoon and hung out. It was a fun time...kids and pets and movies and pizza. Her hubby, W, and Mike (along with a little 'help' from their 4 year old twins ;p) even managed to put P's crib together!! It is beautiful and I love it and it scares me to death. :) It's getting SO close to her arrival time! Thanks, again, guys.

And Saturday, I was so tired, I almost fell asleep everytime I sat down. Not fun. And I couldn't get cool no matter what I did. Yuck. I'm sure I didn't add too much to our impromptu party (and neither did my swollen feet!) but them's the breaks. P's gotta come first...and she doesn't take 'NO' for an answer. :)

Yesterday was hectic as well. Just with 'catch-up' stuff, mostly, and getting things ready for this week. After doing the requisite housework and stuff, I ran a few errands with my mom and did some more of P's laundry and tried to catch the N.ASC.AR race (we're huge race fans around here) but if I sat down, it was OVER. Sleep would overtake me almost instantly! Strange. So I did succumb to a nap but it didn't do too much to help me catch up from the rest of the weekend. :) I still felt a little like I was walking through mud for the rest of the day. After dinner, my sister helped Mike and I rearrange some furniture and clean out some more junk to make even more room for baby stuff. We worked nearly until it was time for Mike to leave for work. But we did get a lot done...thank goodness! We're nearly 'ready' (as far as her stuff goes) for her to be here. Am I ready? HA! Well, that's another story completely!

After a shower and a big ol' dose of Tums (the heartburn was killer this weekend!), I hit the hay. And I must have been more tired than I realized because I hardly remember getting in the bed and I only woke up once for the bathroom during the night. Really! I slept for 8 hours (with that bathroom break coming about halfway through the night). That is unheard of these days!! Guess I really did need some rest! :)

Anyway, as boring as that stuff might have sounded, it made for a weekend on the go. So, I titled this post 'Quiet' for that very reason. It is finally quiet here today. I loved all the fun stuff we did this weekend and didn't even mind the necessary things, but I needed the quiet of this morning (after the tremendous sleep of last night) to get recharged for the week. I love my friends and my family and this sweet baby growing inside of me...and they make things so good for me. But I also love my alone time...the quiet that a Monday brings...so, I'm revelling in it today. Ahhhh, bliss!

This Week in Pregnancy: 32+ Weeks and Some Answers

2010-04-23T10:25:00.003-05:00

Ahhhhhh...it's Friday again!

A big thanks to all of you who commented and encouraged about my last post. I appreciate you guys so much. I AM better...really! I've made my way over this hump and we're on the next one. :)

This week:
*The extreme fatigue has returned (as mentioned previously). It is harder now than in the first tri...maybe because there's more of me that needs to get rested in the same amount of time. I took all of your advice and made some extra time for napping and resting (such hardship! ;p) and it has made a huge difference.

*The hyper-sensitivity is still here. I'm sure that sheer exhaustion has a lot to do with my altered emotional status right now. I just can't function well without sleep (though I am managing with much less rest than I did pre-pregnancy). I'm working on it...but those sappy TV commercials don't help. They make me cry, well, like a baby.

*The return of random nausea and morning sickness...at night. And the heartburn continues as well. Hope that P-Bug has lots of sweet, downy hair. :)

*Still OCD about P's movement. Are you really surprised? I'm not. :) But she's an obliging little lady if nothing else. Kicking and rolling and stretching all the time...and at all the times that I count.

I went to the doctor yesterday for a regular visit...my first 'every 2 weeks' check. It was the basic...check the weight, BP, urine, sugar, fundal height and heartbeat. The results were great: down 2 pounds in 2 weeks (thanks, I guess, to the nausea and heartburn that are keeping me from eating what I'd like to), 118/80 for my BP and no problems with the urine or blood sugar. YAY! Still measuring ahead on the fundal height (gestational age: 32W4; fundal measurement: 35W on the dot) even after the weight loss...so there's a good chance P really is a big girl. Oh, and she found the heartbeat immediately, for which I was super grateful!

We'll go back in 2 weeks for another quick check and as long as everything is still copacetic, we'll plan for a BPP at the next appointment (36W4D) to check her weight and development and plan from there. It freaks me out more than a little bit to think that she could be here in just 5 weeks or so! :D

When I we talked about the pelvic/pubic pain again (for what seems like the 196th time), she decided to do an external pelvic exam (much better than the internal kind...woo-hoo!) for something called symphysis pubis dysfunction...or SPD. Guess she got tired of my complaining. :) While the Wi.kip.edia link that I gave makes it sound grave and dire and weird, apparently it's really not a huge deal...at least not for me. And it seems that I do have a very mild case of it...or at least that is the probable prognosis (as the best way to diagnose is with a pelvic x-ray, which is, of course, a BIG no-no at this point). Basically, in terms that even I can understand, it means that the muscles and ligaments that hold the pubic bones in place have started relaxing and moving faster than the bones themselves have...thus the pain. And the bone grinding sensation that I was telling you about last time. Apparently, things are all loosy-goosy down there!

See, I'm really not that crazy! There was something to all that whining. :)

Anyway, it's not a bad case at all and seeing as that we're arriving at the end of this road sooner rather than later, she's not concerned. (HA! Let her pubic bones rub together and see if she's still unconcerned! ;p) Seriously, there's nothing that will help much at this point other than some core building exercises (I still have a core under all this flab??) and Ke.gels, which I am supposed to have been doing all along but really haven't been. Taking it slow getting up and down, keeping my knees together when turning over in bed and things like that will help the pain...that sort of thing. She doesn't think that it will affect our delivery method at all, be it vaginal or c-section, which is good to know since Dr. Go.ogle had me having to do some extreme things to get this little gal out and every other thing that I read conflicted with the other. :)

It should also get better as we go along in the next couple of weeks and P-Bug 'drops' and puts her own pressure on things even more down there, it will force the bones to catch up with the muscles. While that doesn't sound all that appealing, neither is the pain that's there is now. Guess we'll trade one for the other. Oh, well!

And for the record, if this is a very minor case, GOD BLESS those poor, poor ladies who have a moderate, or heaven forbid, a severe case of SPD. I can't even imagine...and I don't think I could stand it!

So that's that, I guess. It's not all as bad as it seemed earlier in the week...like I said, the tiredness was making me even more cranky than usual. Me and P are healthy, everything is going well and we are blessed beyond measure. What do I have to complain about?? :)

On a funny note, I totally peed all over myself last night...even right after I had just gone to the bathroom! I didn't even think I had anything left in me! I was sitting crossed legged on the bed, having a bowl of Ri.ce K.risp.ies with skim milk and sugar substitute and wishing they were a big ol' bowl of ice cream, when I sneezed. And there it went! I had to not only clean myself up, I had to clean the bed up and change the sheets, too. It was a mess!! :) Want to know the worst part: By the time I got everything cleaned up, my cereal was too soggy to finish. Bummer! ;p Oh, the joys of pregnancy!

Hope things are GREAT wherever you are! Have a wonderful weekend, my friends...we'll catch up on the other side. On our agenda: putting the crib together. Heaven help us all! :)

I Thought We Were in the 3rd Trimester...

2010-04-20T09:33:00.002-05:00

I can see where this post might be a little [read: A LOT] whiny, so I apologize in advance. Just skip over me today it you're not feeling it.

********

I promise, I feel like I'm slogging through the first trimester of pregnancy again. Seriously. The achy-ness, the tiredness, the nausea, the hyper-sensitivity...it's visiting me again. What is up with that?

I hate to be a complainer...but just so you know, I'm going to complain for a while today. I know that there are those out there (and even those who read this blog) who are going through harder times than I can imagine...and you have every right to think that I just need to suck it up and deal with it (and I do)...but am truly so tired right now that I can hardly keep my eyes open! I haven't dealt with fatigue like this in months...it is super draining. I feel like I could sleep the clock around and still wake up tired. I am getting nothing accomplished...and I do mean NOTHING...all at the time that I need to get my butt in gear.

And I think that my pubic bone is just going to shatter from the pressure that is on it right now. I never knew where my pubic bone was until a few weeks ago...now I can't make a movement without being reminded of it. It feels like something is out of place down there. Scientific, huh? ;p I don't know what it is or exactly how to explain it but it hurts. I don't mean that it aches or is uncomfortable (and it is that way sometimes)...but it really HURTS at times, too, to the point that it takes my breath away and makes me feel dizzy and nauseous. Like my bones are grinding together or something. Whenever I stand up, it's like I have to wait for things to move back into their rightful place before I'm able to walk. It even wakes me up in the night if I move...at all. It is the strangest thing. I'm grateful that I have a doctor's appointment on Thursday...maybe she can tell me if this is just another one of those 'normal' things or if something else is going on.

And what the heck is up with being all pukey-nasty-feeling again? Oh, yes...I G.oo.gled it girls and guess what some preggos are blessed with? You got it: Third Trimester Morning Sickness. Yes, Virginia, there is such a beast. It rears its head just like my first trimester m/s (at night, not in the morning) but isn't quite so productive. As in, I never actually throw up...I just feel like I've been on a 3-day drunk and would give my last dollar if I could just puke and get over that hangover-y feeling. Couple that with the heartburn that never goes away and you've got a rockin' good time each evening. Can you sense the sarcasm? Fortunately, it's not constant and doesn't happen every night but when it does come to call, it's no fun...and it totally catches me off guard. Yuck.

Let's not get into the fact that I'm as fat as a cow, my face and hair are just nasty right now and I'm entering that "I feel like I'm going to be pregnant forever" stage. Or that every fear that I could possibly have about pregnancy has come back to haunt me. Do you know how many dangers remain or present themselves in the third trimester? Don't look it up. I did...STUPID, Kelli!!...and it's not pretty. It gives me nightmares, for real.

I hate being like this. I really, really am truly so grateful for the place that I'm in right now and I really will do anything to have this baby girl. I just didn't know that I'd feel this way...emotionally or physically...at this point. It's a bit [read: A LOT] overwhelming right now...and no one IRL wants to listen to me rant, so here I am. I'm sure that you probably don't want to hear it either but unless you click away, you're a captive audience. :)

So, that's that for today. I have been reading what everyone's up to but haven't done much commenting. I hope you'll forgive me. Hopefully I can sleep off some of these blues and come back to my usual self very, very, very soon (as I don't like this version of me at all). Hope your day is more energetic and far less whiny than mine. :) Thanks for listening, ladies...talk to you again (and with happier thoughts) soon!

This Week in Pregnancy: 31+ Weeks

2010-04-16T15:00:00.002-05:00

Happy Friday, Friends! This will be a quick post as I'm racing the clock a bit this afternoon. I've got laundry going (as always), a house that needs a little cleaning and we're on the way out the door soon to go see my favorite almost-eleven-year-old play softball. Should be fun!

Here's the scoop this week:

*Since my little episode at the OB's office last week, you'll be glad to know that I'm practically obsessive over P's movements now. I get completely stressed out when I think about it and find myself counting her movements even when it's not an 'official' counting time. OCD, anyone? ;p The good news is that she's moving up a storm most of the time and I can often feel her stretching her limbs, which is a different kind of feeling altogether. It's almost painful (as she's also stretching me when she does it) but I'll take it! :)

*I've become the recipient of constant, minor heartburn regardless of what I eat or don't eat. It has more to do with her location in utero than my diet. It's really not tooooo terribly bad most of the time, which is a good thing seeing that antacids don't help at all.

*The dizzy spells haven't been quite so bad this week...and no fainting at all. :)

*I find that P-Bug doesn't like to be hemmed in. What do I mean? She will push back if I press on her...or if I rest a book or something on my belly. She even kicks at the waistband of my pants sometimes. Even though I don't find them cumbersome or tight, she might, I guess. She definitely knows that something is there and does her best to move it. Cute!

*I did some pediatrician searching and interviewing this week. What an experience! It will probably take a post of it's own for me to hash it all out, but for now, I have a good idea of who we'll use. I still have two offices to check out next week and then we'll make a final decision. There are so many options (as we live in a metro area) and so many different personalities and approaches to consider. A little overwhelming, it is! Thankfully, I've had some good friends, good advice and plenty of time to help us make what I hope is a good decision. It's one thing that I'm looking forward to marking off of my 'to-do' list.

*My weirdest experience this week: becoming a homeschooler's science lesson. For real. I was at the local grocery store earlier this week and this random woman and her pre-teen/teenage daughter came up and started talking to me about the baby. They both then proceeded to rub my belly, uninvited I might add, right there in the dairy department while I was trying to buy some milk!! I promise, this really happened to me! The mom went on to explain that they had been studying reproduction in their homeschool science class and that they were delighted (her word) to be able to see their lessons in real life by encountering an expectant mom like me in the midst of their studies. And she kept touching me! WHAT? I have absolutely NO problem with homeschooling or finding learning experiences in everyday life but that was taking it to extremes if you ask me! Hello? She was a RANDOM STRANGER.

Her forwardness completely took me off guard and I didn't really know what to say. I was like...'uh, uh, uh'...and just stood there like a dummy. Once I got my head back on straight (and the woman and her daughter walked away), I tried to control myself and not go chasing after the her, cursing all the while, I was seething on the inside. It leads me to this question: Why is it that people think that pregnant bellies are public property? I know it's beautiful and miraculous and all of that...I really do know that. But you are rubbing my belly and I don't know you!

Back off. Now.

And while we're at it, no...NO, I do not want to tell you my conception story or how long we tried to get pregnant. NO, I don't want your opinion about OB's or midwives or doulas. No, I also don't want to know what you think about inductions and c-sections or epidurals versus natural child birth. I DON'T KNOW YOU. Even more, YOU DON'T KNOW ME. Please, leave this sweating, swelling, waddling mass of hormonal pregnant woman alone.

Of course, I didn't say any of that. I can only get my thoughts together after practically making an outline to follow these days, so I don't ever have anything worthwhile to say in the moment. It was super weird. I really don't have a problem with anyone that I know touching me...truly...but random grocery shoppers (and their) children are where I'll draw the line, especially when they don't ask...they just assume that it's okay to rub the big ol' pregnant belly. Again I say, weird.

And that's it, I guess. I got on the belly touching soap box and now I've taken more time than I had planned at the computer. Oh, well. It seems that I'm eternally late these days (which for those of you who know me is NOT like me at all). It drives me nutso but I keep underestimating how long it takes to do basic stuff without breaking into a sweat and passing out. Guess I'll just have to be a few minutes late. :)

Hope you all have a fabulous weekend! Catch up with you soon...

The View Out My Window

2010-04-14T10:57:00.004-05:00

So, I know that Wednesdays are supposed to be 'wordless' but I'm not very good with that. I'm not much of a photographer lately...and when I do take pics, I don't ever seem to get them downloaded and posted in a timely manner. So, I thought I'd try to 'paint' a picture with words today about the things that I see out my window as they are super entertaining.

First, I should tell you that I really like my neighborhood. It's not Wis.ter.ia Lane or Ses.ame Str.eet...it's mostly just normal, middle class people who work regular, non-glamorous jobs and who are trying to do the best for their families with what they have. We have the green-types, the eccentrics, the sports fanatics and the homebodies, all bundled in to one little section of town. And you never know what you're gonna see when you look out the window. :)

Case in point: My neighbors across the street have two goats. Yes, GOATS...right here in the Memphis 'burbs. They are supposed to be pygmy goats that are pets, not livestock, but since I have no real barnyard knowledge, a goat is a goat to me. :) These same neighbors have 3 children, 2 boys and a girl, egg-laying chickens and guinea hens. They live in a nice little brick house and drive a minivan. They are eco-friendly, plant a garden each year, compost everything and home school their little darlings. I LOVE to watch their kids play outside! Since the livestock...er, pets...take up the back yard, most of the time, they can be seen out in the front and side yards, doing their thing. You might see them gardening with their mom, taking a nature walk, wrestling with the goats, playing hopscotch, digging for buried treasure...or anything else that strikes their fancy.

Today, they are apparently playing some sort of pirate or high-seas adventure game as they keep taking turns shimmying up another neighbor's basketball goal and shielding their eyes with their hands. I think they're pretending to look out the crow's nest of a ship as I've heard a few "Land Ahoy!'s" through my open windows. :) They are dressed up in their own version of (mismatched) mariner's gear and seem to be having the time of their lives. One boy even has an eye patch...the other has a mop and is 'swabbing' the deck (driveway). The girl is walking around with a guinea hen on her shoulder...as her parrot, I guess. Super creative, free spirited and imaginative, they are! They really crack me up. :)

I would actually LOVE to take a photo of them at play to show you just how much fun they are...except I'm afraid that I'll come across as a creepy, weirdo type of neighbor who has gone around the bend and not one who thinks that what they're doing is pretty cool.

As I've typed, the kids have gone around back and gotten their pet goats out to join in the ocean adventure. Wonder what part they will play? They have them on leashes and the goats seem to be enjoying the newness of the front lawn. They're currently munching away on some grass...not exactly pirate behavior but a sight to see for sure! I know that these folks are pretty nice, normal people but it makes me wonder what a random stranger might think if they were to happen through our neighborhood! ;p

That's what I see out my window today (besides my lawn that needs to be mowed and my flower beds that need some desperate attention). What about you??

A Very Nice Surprise

2010-04-12T10:13:00.002-05:00

Welcome to a new week, everyone! It's lovely here in my part of the world this morning, but looks like it's going to end up being a hot one later on today...and for the rest of the week. Look out, Fre.d F.lints.tone...I'll be borrowing your feet again this week! Probably your ankles, too. Sexy.

I just wanted to let you guys know that we had an unexpectedly pleasant weekend with Mike's family. It's a miracle! :) Really, you know that I was worried about it with all that's been going on lately. It seems that everyone pulled themselves together and a good time was had by all. REALLY. So thanks for all your positive thoughts, well wishes and prayers. :)

I know that we all got together for what is a sad reason but the gathering as a whole was actually a lot of fun. Lots of food, lots of laughter, lots of good times...it was just what the doctor ordered, if you ask me. Mike's uncle really seemed to enjoy himself and everyone had the chance to spend time with him and with the rest of the extended family, too. Of course, Preslie was in the spotlight some, too (how can she not be when I'm as big as a house??), so that gave everyone something positive to talk about in the midst of dealing with the tragedy that is cancer.

There were no arguments, no disagreements, no snarky comments...it was lovely. Not that Mike's family is usually a bunch of brawlers or anything...they're absolutely not...but with all the upheaval with my MIL, I was worried that she might show her ugly side or say something untoward. But she didn't. Neither did FIL, even though they didn't quite act like themselves. It worked out well...and you'll no complaints from me that they behaved! ;p

I only had one truly emotional moment. It came when Mike's uncle told me how excited he was for us and that he had been praying every single day for us and for Preslie. Even when he was terribly sick and struggling himself, he didn't fail to pray for us. His faith is truly inspirational and it overwhelms me to know that he would put us and our needs before his own as he sought God. It made me cry when he told me...and even more when he told me that he now prays that even if they can't do anything more for his cancer, that he will live long enough to meet her and hold her. Oh, Lord...hear his prayer and answer him.

It seems that we'll be seeing more of Mike's aunt and uncle than we originally thought. They aren't going back to Florida. He's decided to consult with some doctors here in Memphis and at Van.derb.ilt in Nashville to see if he has any other options, but regardless of what they determine, he wants to be here with his son and grandkids and the rest of the family. I know that it won't be easy for them all to see him struggle with this but I think in the long run, that there's no better place for him to be than with his family. If they cross your mind, say a prayer for him and for the family, will you? There will definitely be some tough times ahead for them...

So, I'm glad to say that what I was afraid would be an utter mess turned out to be a beautiful thing and a truly lovely time. Thank you, God. And although the reason for our gathering was never far from anyone's mind, it didn't overwhelm the joy and happiness that the whole family found by just being together. It was a really a very nice surprise. :)

Could You Do Me a Favor?

2010-04-09T16:32:00.005-05:00

If you're so inclined, could some of you other IFers and moms-to-be stop by and offer some encouragement to a fellow blogger?

If you don't know Noelle, she's a wonderfully sweet lady who has faced some of the same obstacles the rest of us have on her way to becoming a mom...and who has overcome them all and then some. She comments frequently here and is always such an encourager. She's expecting a beautiful little girl this fall and she got some upsetting news today. I know that she could use your prayers and positive thoughts.

In my times of trouble and uncertainty and fear, I know that you ladies have helped with your kind words and uplifting prayers. Could you do the same for her? Even if you don't feel comfortable commenting, remember her today and in the coming weeks, would you?

Thanks, girls...God bless you all!

This Week in Pregnancy: 30+ Weeks...And Our First Major Scare

2010-04-09T12:51:00.007-05:00

Here we are once again...there's lots to cover this time, so I'll jump right in!

New or increased this week:

*Leg cramps...probably not helped by the fact that I've been super busy and not resting enough this week.

*Extreme dizziness...I even fainted twice. Not fun. I think it had to do with the heat. We had a few pretty hot days early in the week (85 degrees or so...hot for April and hotter than it's been yet this year) and I think that contributed to my issues. Once I got hot, I just couldn't get cool, no matter what I wore, did, etc. When I'd get hot, I'd get dizzy...and if I didn't take it easy quickly enough, down I went! The problem lies in this: the dizziness and fainting came on so quickly, that I didn't even realize that I was 'too' hot. Does that make sense? The doc had me check my BP and glucose levels with each 'spell' (as I could) but there was never any sign of either of them being too high or too low (by the readings or by symptoms). The consensus from the doctor? Hormones and heat. This doesn't bode well for the next several weeks as it's just going to get hotter and I'm just going to get more hormonal. Ugh.

*Waddling...like a duck. I was really hoping to skip this phase. :) No such luck. One day soon, I will just walk again, not waddle...but for today, that seems to be the mode of transportation that fits this fat girl.

*Swelling...isn't that a lovely thought? It has to do with the heat again. On those hotter days I was telling you about, my already chubby and not-so-pretty feet started to resemble those of Fr.ed F.lintstone. :) Putting them up did help but things were so busy that I didn't take as much time to do that as I should have. My mistake...and one that I don't plan to make again. I almost couldn't get flip flops on one morning! Fortunately, it's not BP related (signalling pre-eclampsia) and is fixable for now...as long as I take some 'me' time each day.

The heartburn, indigestion and constipation (THANK GOD!!) seem to be less this week. Woo-hoo! :) I still have acne, a fat nose and the absentmindedness hasn't changed at all...I'd likely forget my head if it weren't attached. The sleep comes and goes...some nights good, some nights, not so good. But its not too bad, all things considered.

I did finally buy some maternity clothes...which was some of my busyness one day this week. Better late than never, right? ;) My sister and I spent all day Wednesday shopping. It was a lot of fun, I got some good deals that should cover me through the rest of this pregnancy and now I can go out in public without looking like a total embarrassment. :) I think that all of our running around on Wednesday contributed to my tiredness and swelling...and the leg cramps and poor sleep...that plagued me that same night. I had to pay the piper, I guess.

Yesterday, I went to the doctor for my routine check-up...and that's where the 'scare' I mentioned comes in. Things started off pretty well...except for my weight. Ugh. I knew that I had exceeded my 2 pound limit. I knew it. And I did...by 3 pounds. 5 pounds this month. Oops. Although some of that is water retention (lovely!), it was more than what I should have gained, so it's restriction time once again. Now, to the no-sugar, no-flour, no-refined carb diet, we're going low-fat and removing even more starches...mainly potatoes. [Insert a little whimper here.] I'm going to spend the next several weeks eating lots of fruits and green veggies it seems. Please, oh please, let the carb cravings stay at bay!

My BP was good (118/85) and so was my blood sugar (110), so that's something to be happy about. And since we already knew that Miss P was measuring large, I wasn't surprised to hear that instead of 30W3D, she was measuring 33W1D. Neither was Dr. D...although she did say that we'll test earlier for GD the next time (and do some other tests) if she exceeds 3 weeks difference in gestational age and fundal height. (For those keeping score, we're measuring 2W4D ahead.) Since I had already been in touch with her and the nurses earlier in the week because of the fainting spells, we were pretty up-to-date...it should have been a quick visit.

Then I got the scare of my life when she tried to use the doppler to find the heartbeat. She couldn't find it. I almost had a heart attack. Really. While she kept moving the wand over my belly, I tried to think back to when I last really felt Preslie moving around. I had felt her both Monday and Tuesday (the hot/fainting days)...Wednesday morning she was moving around a lot. But during the day Wednesday, I was so busy that I don't remember feeling her too terribly much. When I move around a lot and don't spend any time being idle, she settles down and is lulled to sleep by all the movement...and my memory completely sucks these days. So that made sense to me about why I didn't really remember it on Wednesday. And Wednesday night, I was so tired and slept so hard (when I did sleep) that I wasn't awakened by her kicks. I don't think. I thought I had felt her that morning but I couldn't clearly remember because I was in a rush, just trying to get ready and out the door on time. I was laying there, freaking out...wracking my brain about when I had last felt her move noticeably. I am a terrible mom. She moves so much now that I had taken it for granted, I guess.

Then she elbowed me, right where the doctor was pressing the doppler and ta-da: there was her heartbeat.

Of course, that made me feel instantly better...at least for the moment. Dr. D wasn't pleased that it had taken so long to locate her heartbeat, so she sent me down the hall for an immediate ultrasound. Just as a precaution, she said. HA. In the ten minutes or so between the doppler session and the ultrasound, this fat girl just about had a panic attack. I could think of nothing but that there was something wrong with my baby. I cried...and tried not to cry...and cried a little more while I was waiting, all the time with negative thoughts running through my head. Then, of course, I got my not-favorite u/s tech...not that she's bad, I just like the other tech better...so, I was worried she would miss something. As she gooed up my belly, I was praying like I've never prayed before...seriously.

Then, there she was. My little P-Bug, snoozing away. It did my heart a world of good to see her little heart beating away, just as it should. They used the little buzzer thingy (I don't know what it's called) to wake her up, took lots of measurements, checked her heart rate (146) and the blood flow to the umbilical cord, measured the fluid levels and all of the requisite stuff...and everything was fine. Perfect. She was very low, with her head down and her spine facing out and had her arms and legs curled around her body. That's why it took so long to find her heartbeat...she was snuggled in tightly, covering her own chest with her limbs and was too busy napping to worry with the rest of us. That little stinker. :) My little lazy daisy nearly scared me to death.

She did wake up and move around a bit during the u/s and kept moving for a while afterward...then she seemed to settle down for another nap. I guess she was worn out from our busy week, too. :) The doc told me to start measuring and recording her kick counts twice each day to make sure that there's no decrease in her movement, but thankfully, this was a false alarm. And it doesn't seem like there is anything to be concerned about...we just caught her napping.

Even though I'm qualified as a 'higher risk' maternity patient, this is the first time we've really had any scares with this pregnancy. It made me realize how precious she is to me already...how much I love her without really even knowing her. It's miraculous to put it mildly. :) Sleep well, little girl...Mama's watching out for you as always (just a little closer today than yesterday ;p).

Oh, and on a funny note: after we knew that everything was okay and my meltdown moment was over, I asked the u/s tech to check the gender one more time. She laughed when I told her about my dreams that my little girl was really a little boy...she said lots of women do that. But she checked for me...and P-Bug IS a GIRL. For sure. No mistaking that. :)

Whew. Please, Lord, let the next several weeks (possibly only 7!!) be as calm and uneventful as they can be considering all that will be going on. This one nearly got me. :)

Hope that things are well with you and yours. Happy Friday...have a great weekend! I'll update you all on Monday as to how the gathering with Mike's family goes tomorrow. Should be interesting...

Family Matters...A VERY Long and Winding Post

2010-04-05T09:32:00.006-05:00

Fa.mily Matt.ers

No, not that TV show with Stev.e Ur.kel. Remember him? :D

I'm talking about real family stuff and what matters where that's concerned. It seems that so much is going on right now...real things, things that are running through my head, things that are being planned on or thought about or pondered. A lot of it has to do with family matters, so I hope you'll forgive me as I hash it out in what is sure to be a long and possibly random and confusing post. :) Most of this isn't earth shattering or life shaking, it's just what I'm thinking about today. I'm going to take it one group at a time, I think...so here goes nothing.

In random order ;p...

Mike's family...pretty much drives me crazy. No. NO. That's not true. Mike's parents drive me crazy. The rest of his family is great. Super normal, absolutely the-nicest-people-you'd-ever-want-to-meet who just happen to be related to my MIL (FIL doesn't have any immediate living family). I won't hold that against them. :) They know how she can be and after years and years and years...a lifetime...of putting up with her hijinks, I guess they just know better how to deal with her or ignore her or whatever. SO...back to Mike's family...I like them, just so we're clear...but don't really know most of them all that well.

One of Mike's uncles has been battling the beast known as cancer for about a year now and seems to be currently losing this fight. He's lost an eye, lots of soft tissue from other places and is now having his liver attacked. It is so sad to me...they say that there isn't anything else that they can do for him. Each time that the doctors find and remove the malignancies, another is found. He's gone the traditional medical route before and hasn't had much luck, so they're now considering alternate/holistic therapies and are hoping against hope as they've been told that his prognosis isn't promising and he has less than a year left to live. Mike is quite saddened by the news as well...this is his 'favorite' uncle...the one who taught him about life, how to drive, took him out for his 21st birthday...that sort of thing...since his parents were so backward. He no longer lives in this area and we only see him and his family on some holidays, at weddings, at funerals...you know how it goes.

Anyway, alllll that was said to say: he and his wife, Mike's aunt, are coming to town this week and there is a big gathering planned for this weekend while they're here. Which is great. I'm glad that he's healthy enough to make the trip. His (grown) kids and grandkids all live in this area, as does most of the rest of the family, so it should be a good time for them. I think. Like I said, I really don't know them all that well. So, I'm wondering is this supposed to be a happy visit? A last hurrah? A final farewell? Do we gather to celebrate? To mourn? I know that might sound like weird or stupid stuff to ask but I just don't know. Mike's mom doesn't care about details at all and even after nearly 5 years, no one ever calls us to tell us about family gatherings and such...they just leave it up to my MIL to pass whatever info she chooses to pass along to us (which usually isn't the whole story...or the correct date/time info). IT IS SUPER ANNOYING and we've asked others to notify us personally but old habits are hard to break, I guess. Don't forget that they're all angry about my FIL & MIL's current house guest...maybe that's trickling down to us? I don't know. I'm putting out some feelers to some of his other family members today to see what the plans are but I'm wondering: What do you think? How would you handle this kind of situation? I sincerely hope that they can all put their angst and anger aside for this family visit as it could well be the last one with this uncle. We'll see, I guess.

My Father's Family...are pretty much awesome. Seriously, other than one person on my Mom's side of the family, they are the people that I'm closest to (which is kind of funny to some as they're mostly step-family but we were not really raised with that distinction, you know?). The only real issue right now is the whole disowning thing that happened back in November. Remember that drama? Looking back on it now (and re-reading the posts about it), it still seems so strange...and unnecessary. If you don't remember or weren't a reader then (or don't have the time or inclination to go back and read it now), the nutshell version is that due to an argument and some disagreements between my sister, my father and step-mother and another between myself and my step-mother, my father disowned my sister and I. Pretty dramatic stuff for folks like us, especially with a baby, his first blood related grandchild, on the way. It caused a lot of hurt feelings and raised a lot of questions as they refused to come to any family function that my sis and I attended. As it took place just before Thanksgiving (and thus, Christmas), it was weird to say the least. And I guess it's no longer an 'issue' per se, since we haven't seen or talked to each other since that day, but with P-Bug's imminent arrival the question has been raised to me by some other family members about reconciliation.

I can honestly say that I have very mixed feelings about that. Of course, part of me wants things to reconcile...I mean, who wants to be at odds with their family? I really don't but at this point, nearly 5 months later, I think the issue is kind of dead in the water. Even if we did smooth things over and start talking again, things will never be the same...maybe worse, maybe (though not likely) better ...but certainly never the same. And besides the fact that my father did the severing of ties, so I think that he has to be comfortable with things and make the move toward putting things back together again, I have something even more important to think about now. Well, someone...my baby girl. First, I don't want her to be used as a type of bargaining chip: 'If you want to see your granddaughter, you have to apologize' or whatever. I can be a witch but I'm NOT going there. I also don't want it to be the other way around: that they only choose to speak to us again because of her. What kind of relationship would that be? Second, what if something like this were to happen again after she's old enough to know what's going on? That may sound like I'm borrowing trouble to you, but we can be a bit volatile at times (LOL!) so this is a real consideration. I don't want to put Preslie (and any other kids we might have) through the, "Why can't we go to PawPaw and Nanny's? Why didn't they give us Christmas presents?" and that sort of thing just because there was some other argument between us adults. Does that make sense? I won't put my kid(s) in the middle...I was there far too often as a child and I hate the way that feels.

On the other hand, if they (or rather, he) still feel strongly about things and aren't ready to put the past behind them, that's okay with me. REALLY. This side of me thinks, 'if you don't need me in your life, then I don't need you in mine'...or something like that. I won't beg to be part of anything. Maybe that's prideful of me but it's true. And if the things that were said by both my father and step-mother are really, truly how they feel about me, then there is no moving forward. Love me as I am, faults and all...at this stage in life, I'm not too likely to change...or just leave me alone. Relationships like this shouldn't be conditional and yet, of course, they are...we're human, not divine. I think about this whole situation a lot. It's not really because I feel strongly one way or another...because I know my part in it all and apologized that very day for it...but because everyone else keeps throwing it up in my face. Not maliciously, of course, but out of curiosity and concern and...well, that's what family does. :)

Any opinions out there on all of this? I really wouldn't ask if I was afraid of your answers. ;p Do I put the first foot forward? For my sake? For Preslie's? Or leave it alone for those same reasons? Do we let sleeping dogs lie and just wait and see? They say that time can heal all wounds. While that's a nice sentiment, I don't always agree with that. Some wounds fester and bleed and can never be healed...they just have to be removed. I honestly don't know what the answer is, if there is a 'right' answer at all. I do know that as of now, we won't be celebrating with any of them at baby showers or family gatherings, we don't plan to call them when Miss P arrives, and I don't know if or when they'll see or meet her for the first time. It is an interesting and sad situation to say the least. What comes next? Nothing? Something? I just don't know about this one either...

My Mom's family...is pretty cool as well. As this is where my cousin and BFF hails from, they can't be all that bad. ;) The only thing that they have is an ongoing case of 'oneupmanship' with each other. If one has something, the other has to get it...but better. Know what I mean? And if you're too poor, too busy, too whatever to participate in the game, so to speak, then you're kind of out in the cold. Which doesn't bother me, usually...I give very little thought to what other people think...it does worry me a little where my P-Bug is concerned. My mom is the last sibling to have grandkids thanks to our IF issues...I hate that she'll be compared to the other's grandkids and what we can provide for her could come under scrutiny by my mom's family. Even though it's not done in a mean way, they tend to compare and compete all the time. We even had a family member approach us recently and offer to buy Preslie's crib 'because they knew we probably couldn't afford a nice one'. WHAT? Just because my house or my car or my wardrobe isn't as nice as you think it ought to be, it doesn't mean that we're destitute! Give me a break! :) I'm pretty sure that the idea behind the offer wasn't spiteful as my mom's family is comprised of genuinely good people, it was made to show that they have more than we do (materially). So what? While we might not be rolling in the dough, we're doing okay...and YES, we can afford to have this baby. Thanks for asking. Geez! What a mess. I didn't have too much to say (because I didn't want to cause hurt feelings...and when psycho-chic gets on a roll, you never know what's going to come out of her mouth! ;p) but it made me wonder if everyone in the family thinks that we can't afford to have a baby.

You'll remember that we cohabitate in this abode. My mom, sister, hubby and I (and all of our conglomeration of pets) all live in the same house, so of course, P will have quite the family to come home to...and obviously, it's easier on the finances for all of us. We've discussed this before, so I won't hash it all out again but it was a necessary thing when it first occurred. Now, it is what it is and most of the time, it works for us. Most people don't know the story behind it all...and don't need to...but they're apparently assuming that Mike and I can't afford to live alone so we're living with my mom. Not exactly, my friends. We're not the ones who moved. None of the other family members have this kind of situation, so maybe they just don't understand it. It won't always be this way (I'm sure my sis will grow up and move out some day) and it won't do anything but bring up past hurts to tell the story of how and why...and it's nobody's business! Of course, family always thinks that everything is every one's business, so here we are. Although this isn't nearly as big of a deal as some other things, it does bug me. It makes me want to print out our bank statements and show them that, yes, indeed, we do have the means to have a family, thank you very much! :) Of course, I won't do that and I'll just have to swallow this down, too, but gosh...can't anything just be the way it's supposed to be?

And though I can't stop what others do or say, I just want Miss P to have some kind of normal family relationships, you know? Seems like that could be hard considering all the players on every side. :) No, that's not true. She WILL have a terrific family, regardless of what every one's malfunctions might be. She'll just know some more than others, I guess.

Does everyone have such screwed up family issues or is it just lucky ol' me? Reading back over this post makes me feel a little like I'm bashing my family...I'm not! That was never my intention. It just that the all the different family sitiuations all seem to be coinsiding right now...good people in weird situtations in MY life. Too bad it can't all be easily solved in a 30 minute sitcom like the original 'Fami.ly Mat.ters". I can only imagine what a character like Ur.kel would bring to the table! :D

Thanks, friends, for letting me air all this out...especially as long winded as I got! While there might not be an 'answer out there for all of this, it did me a world of good to get it off of my chest. If you want to chime in, please do so...I would really like to know what you think. And if you gave up on this miles-too-long post ages ago, I'll never know. :)

Happy Monday, folks. Go hug your family...weird ones and all. ;p

Happy Easter

2010-04-04T10:10:00.004-05:00

Happy Easter!

Wishing you all a wonderfully blesssed day!

This Week in Pregnancy: 29+ Weeks

2010-04-02T17:27:00.003-05:00

Happy Friday, friends...Happy Good Friday, that is. Hope that your day is going beautifully wherever you are.

Things here are awesome today...it's nearly perfect weatherwise and I got to spend the day with my family. We're celebrating both Easter and my mom's birthday this weekend, things are going well with P-Bug and there's really nothing that's raining on our parade. You'll find no complaints here. :)

Hmmm...what to write now? Oh, wait. I already wrote about that this week. ;) So, I guess the first thing on the list this week is forgetfulness. Absentmindedness. Brain fog. Whatever you call it, I've got it...for sure. I can't seem to remember anything. I've taken to calling myself (from the house phone to the cell phone) and leaving myself messages so that I don't forget to do normal things...like pay bills! Written notes and texts don't really help too terribly much. I either misplace the note, forget to do whatever was written on the note or just overlook it anyway...or I read the text and then forget about it! This does not bode well. :)

As far as I know and can judge by her wiggle-worming, Preslie is doing fine. She just kicked me in the right rib cage to punctuate that, so I guess she's reassuring me. :) She's not quite so busy at night currently (again, no complaints!) but she still moves all the time, especially after meals. She really gets moving when I have sweet stuff, like fruit...or cold stuff like ice water or popsicles. It's too funny.

The baby books say that she should weigh about 3 lbs. or so this week and can be up to 17 inches long already. I don't know if that's the case for P or not, but I do know that she can do a number on my lungs/rib area and my lower pelvis at the same time. :) It feels strange and I've had those moments where it feels like there must be more than one baby in there. I know that there's not but she sure can put on a show sometimes!

Like I told you in the last post, we did get her crib and mattress this week. That was overwhelming in so many ways! It makes things so much more real. We also were gifted with her swing, some more clothes and some diapers and wipes...and we haven't even gotten to the showers yet! She is one super blessed little girl already. Me, too...I was given some breast pads, breast cream and some other new mom things. FYI: It's a true friend who will buy you boob stuff. :) Thanks, M.

My sleep has been better this week...thank goodness! I'm still waking up for the bathroom at least 2 times per night (usually 3 or better if the truth be told) but I'm generally able to go back to sleep pretty soon. I'm averaging 5-6 hours or so each night, so that's not too shabby...especially when I used to need 8 or 9 hours just to function. :) I will admit to an afternoon nap on most days when I'm home...just a short one...but it doesn't affect my nighttime sleep at all.

What else? Acne, heartburn, constipation, poor vision and dizzy spells still remain but I'm dealing...pretty successfully most of the time. Oh, and the gassiness is back. How embarrassing. It's a good thing that I'm at home most of the time...the public wouldn't want me right now! ;p I'm also hungry ALL THE TIME. No specific cravings really but nothing seems to satisfy. I'm not looking forward to getting on the scales at the doc's office next week. I can guarantee that I've gained more than 1.5 lbs. this month. Oops!

I got to spend some time visiting and talking this week with some of my friends and family who are moms. I have so much to learn! They are all wonderful examples and if I can do half as well with Pres as they've done with their children, we'll be okay. :) Seriously, I am constantly amazed at how they are raising responsible, well-adjusted, mannered children in our crazy world. You can believe that I'll have these wonderful ladies on speed dial in the coming months!! They've already given me great advice and direction about all that's ahead for us (like L&D and those first hours at the hospital)...so, I know that after we're home and through our first months as a family, I'll be looking for their help even more. :) Special thanks M, Brenda and 'Mommy'. I appreciate you!

And finally, I'm actually going to HAVE to buy some maternity clothes. Crap! I was really, really hoping that I could scoot through using my old 'fat' clothes and the hand-me-downs that I have. I'll admit...I'm cheap!! I'd much rather spend that money on P-Bug...or just about anything else! But I'm down to one casual outfit, two church/doctors office-type 'nice' outfits...and then just junky clothes to wear around the house...and they're really more cold weather clothes. It's getting warm enough now for capri's (and shorts, too, even though I hate showing my shockingly white legs) and so, I guess new clothes for me will be on the agenda sooner rather than later. Oh, well...

That's it for now, ladies. There's something else that I'm thinking of writing about but this post is long enough for now...and I still have a little mental hashing out to do. If I don't forget. :) I hope that your weekend is lovely and peaceful and blessed, regardless of what's on your agenda.

Happy Easter from Brazierville...God bless each of you!

What to Write?

2010-03-31T16:52:00.004-05:00

I feel like I've been a bit of a slacker around here lately...there just doesn't seem to be too much that's worthwhile to blog about. I mean, I could write about P-Bug and her dancing...or being utterly terrified of all that's ahead...or the fact that my hoohah feels like it's about to split in two...but that's pretty common stuff right now. And I'm pretty sure that you all get tired of hearing about it, so...what to write?

My brain is so scattered most of the time that blogging coherently can be a challenge. I get an idea, start to write...then something...anything...happens (okay, at this point nothing really has to happen) and I just seem to lose the thread and forget what I was going to say. And once it's gone, there's no getting it back (unless I remember it on the way to the bathroom at 3am...and I'm not blogging at that hour if I can help it).

And it seems to take twice...or three times...as long to write a simple post if I can remember what I was talking about because I have to get up and go to the bathroom two...or three...times whilst typing...then, of course, I lose my train of thought while I'm away from the computer. :) See why I've gotten to be a boring blogger?

I'm not sure that there's a remedy for it at this point. I can't keep my thoughts on track, I can't stop going to the bathroom 3 or 4 times an hour...and I certainly can't stop thinking about my little P...so other than that...what to write?

I can tell you that it's a gorgeous day here...80 degrees, sunny and mild. GORGEOUS, I say.

I can tell you that I have no idea what we're having for dinner...and no real desire to cook whatever it may be.

I can tell you that a family of beautiful cardinals has built a nest in a bush outside our living room window and it's driving my cats crazy.

I can tell you that we got Preslie's crib and mattress yesterday and that I cried like a baby myself when we got it home.

I can tell you that I'm currently afraid to pull all the crib parts out and put it together.

Oh, wait...we're talking about the baby again.

See what I mean? :)

Guess I'm out of things to write once again. Ideas anyone?

The Stench of Death

2010-03-28T18:00:00.002-05:00

Vile.

Putrid.

Gross.

Horrible.

Rancid.

And that's just a few adjectives for the smell that is currently emanating from my bedroom. For real. A pregnant woman wouldn't lie about the way that something smells. :)

It seems that some sort of critter...bird, mouse, squirrel or the like...has taken an eternal turn for the worse in the wall of our master bedroom. It is funky...with a capital 'F'.

Lucky me.

I sent Mike on an excursion to the attic to see if he could find the fatal offender and remove his noxiousness from my presence but there was no such luck. He searched high and low, in the rafters, the duct work and even outside around the AC unit to no avail, thus a rotting animal carcass must be in the wall...unable to be removed...just decaying at it's own pace and stinking up my house in the process.

Again I say, lucky me.

There's nothing to be done for the smell either. No air freshener, no home remedy, no odor remover has helped...it just makes it smell like flower covered rotting raccoon...or whatever. We'll just have to wait it out...and pray the smell goes away SOON! Thank God it's not July and 110 degrees in the shade.

Not exactly the most lovely way to start the week, eh? GAG. Hope it smells better in your abode, my friends!